Next of Kin
Again, the hillbilly stereotypes should, in theory, offend me ever-so deeply, but watching Patrick Swayze beat the crap out of some big city gangsters is simply too much fun to take seriously. Everyone involved — including director John Irvin — has made better movies, but I doubt any of them are as ridiculously cheesy as what we’re given here. The revenge plotline is pretty basic, though the film’s go for broke attitude circumvents the story’s rampant stupidity. The icing: Liam Neeson.
Only the Strong
In case you were wondering, Mark Dacascos is the shit. I do try to keep the swearing on this site to an absolute minimum, but there’s simply no other way to say it. And what’s better than Mark Dacascos, you ask? Mark Dacascos teaching kids dance techniques using martial arts. No, wait. Or was he teaching kids martial arts using dance techniques? Regardless, it’s all sorts of badass, and is probably one of the reasons I love martial arts. Deep down, you know you love it, too. Don’t lie.
Yes, it’s essentially “Die Hard” on an airplane with a black guy, but that doesn’t detract from the unbridled excitement I experience each and every time I watch this Wesley Snipe classic. Turning off your brain is essential to understand its many charms, especially if you’re expecting the storyline to make any sense whatsoever. Even if you can’t get past the inherent goofiness of it all, you can surely appreciate Snipes snarky disposition and his flagrant use of extreme violence. Spiffy.
Shoot ‘Em Up
Monica Bellucci, Clive Owen, and Paul Giamatti — you wouldn’t think these three would end up in a movie about a homeless guy who is forced to protect an orphaned child, especially one that features a guy getting whacked by a carrot. Michael Davis previously directed “Monster Man”, and his penchant for cartoonish violence carries over into this outlandish and totally insane action farce. Everyone thinks they hate it, that is, until they watch it again for the eleventh time.
If you say you’re not into watching a flick that stars Bill Paxton, William Sadler, Ice T, and Ice Cube, then I believe there is something seriously wrong with you. Seriously wrong, perhaps even psychologically. Director Walter Hill understands that you don’t necessarily need a brain to craft a memorable, action-packed motion picture, though “Trespass” isn’t as empty-headed as you may initially believe. It’s one of the greatest “one location” action films ever made. Of course, you already know this.
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