So I’d finished my last list and I was happy with it, then someone mentioned in the comments that I’d forgotten Brad Dourif and I realised what a fool I’d been. There are far more than ten actors/actresses that belonged on this list. So I’ve only gone and done another bloody one. Here it is:
1. David Morse
The first time David Morse hit my patented ‘Good actors that make everything better’© radar was in “Extreme Measures” with Hugh Grant. It’s a great story about a silly English fop with a stupid fringe who stutters and walks into things and falls in love with a movie star played by Morse in a wig. Wait, that was something else (Transformers?).
Anyway he plays a really creepy FBI agent and for me was the best thing about “Extreme Measures”, and since then he’s only served to further cement his place in my book (my book being ‘Good Actors That Make Everything Better’ by Gazz Ogden). Morse quite often plays sinister weirdoes like in “Disturbia” and “The Green Mile” but he does it so well that you know he’s going to raise the hairs on the back of your neck enough to give them a perm.
He’s also been in absolutely LOADS of actually good films that don’t even need a 25% increase so has in fact destroyed reality as a result of bringing films past a 100% rating. That’s reason enough to be on this list.
Essential Performance: Mr. Turner in “Disturbia”
Scene Stealer Rating: 6/10
2. John C. McGinley
Idiot: “Oooooh I really like Dr. Cox in Scrubs”
Me: “You’re an idiot”
Unfortunately most people know McGinley through Scrubs (in which he admittedly plays a really good part), but what they don’t know is he’s been in so many other films and played so many other good characters. Just watch him in “The Rock”, “Identity” and “Office Space” to see him in very different (and better?) roles from silly old Dr. Cox.
However, for a real tour-de-force performance, check out “Intensity” which on its own is a pretty dismal film with some of the most infuriating plot decisions in (TV) movie history, but with the addition of McGinley becomes a film well worth watching. It doesn’t help that it’s about 3 days long, but sticking with it for his performance will surely pay you dividends in some imaginary currency that exists solely to put a value on how good certain actors are. So by watching it you could become a millionaire. Pretty sweet huh? Until you try to buy something. IDIOT.
Essential Performance: Edgler Foreman Vess in “Intensity”
Scene Stealer Rating: 10/10
3. Will Patton
Will Patton is the next Jet Li.
At least that’s the path I thought he was taking when I saw him in “Road House 2: Last Call”. Yes, there is a “Road House 2” and yes Will Patton is in it and yes he performs martial arts and yes it’s rubbish…wait, no it’s not. It’s actually quite good. Partly thanks to Mr. Patton.
Nonetheless, apart from threatening to steal the spotlight from Scott Adkins et al, Patton’s more dramatic roles are what give him a place on this list. I remember seeing him in “The Mothman Prophesies” and realising that he was making the film better in real-time each time he appeared on screen, but then Richard Gere head-butted the fucking mirror and I screamed and everyone in the cinema looked at me.
Aside from his moth-centric films, he’s also been in some other good-uns, quite often popping up in ensemble pieces like “Armageddon” and “Gone in 60 Seconds”, or when the casting directors realise that he’s actually really good in everything and the films they’re making need some improvement. Unfortunately alongside his more critic-friendly films, he’s quite often in some lower-end fluff such as “Codename: The Cleaner” – but that had Mark Dacascos in it so I thought it was good.
Essential Performance: Gordon Smallwood in “The Mothman Prophesies”
Scene Stealer Rating: 5/10
4. Brad Dourif
Most people will have heard Brad Dourif’s voice even if they’ve never heard of his name, as he lends his gravelly tones to Chucky in the “Child’s Play” franchise. His role as the sadistic doll led to more and more parts in horror movies, with memorable turns in Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”, “The Exorcist III” and “Alien Resurrection”. Through his horror-themed roles, he’s built up a firm fan base within this notoriously hard to please group of rabid genre fans. So even when he’s starring in tat like “Critters 4” he’s sure to at least please those privileged enough to recognise his unique talent.
Saying that, I just watched the trailer for “Fading of the Cries” and it looks like he’s going to make that film 25% worse.
Essential Performance: Chucky in “Child’s Play”
Scene Stealer Rating: 7/10
5. Daniel Wu
I first saw Daniel Wu in “Purple Storm” but I can’t even remember if that film was any good or not so I’ll mention “Naked Weapon” and the scene where he fights that crazy bitch in a house. And as I’ve always said, you can’t beat a good fight scene with a crazy bitch in a house. Anyway, from this I assumed Daniel Wu was a martial artist and would therefore star in other martial arts films, and was only half right. He’s appeared in a great number of other genres and he’s always good but I prefer him when he’s fighting. For example, when he turned up in “Around the World in 80 Days” the person sitting next to me in the cinema had to move after I wet myself.
Essential Performance: I’m not sure
Scene Stealer Rating: 4/10
6. Craig Robinson
Try imagining anyone else say “Star Whores: Revenge of the Shit: The All Anal Final Chapter” and making it as funny as when Craig Robinson says it. You can’t.
Oh actually if Helen Mirren said it, it would be funny.
Or Jet Li.
Or Optimus Prime.
Ok fine it’s pretty funny if anyone says it, but Craig Robinson does a really REALLY good job.
Essential Performance: Matheson in “Pineapple Express”
Scene Stealer Rating: 8/10
7. Kevin Durand
Kevin Durand always plays interesting characters that are quite often dick-heads, usually MASSIVE ones. That dick-head in “Smokin’ Aces” was quite a dick-head, so was the fat dick-head in “Wolverine” but the biggest dick-head was that dick-head in “Walking Tall”, the one that the Rock kept beating up because he was such a huge dick-head.
He plays these dick-heads antagonists dick-heads so well though, and he’s a joy to watch. Of course he’s played non dick-heads, and he’s good in these roles as well but you always find yourself longing for a bit of dick. Wait, that came out wrong.
Essential Performance: That dick-head in “Walking Tall”
Scene Stealer Rating: 7/10
8. Elizabeth Banks
As I said before regarding the fact that it’s hard to beat a fight scene with a crazy bitch in a house, it’s also quite difficult to top a naked crazy bitch in a bath. Which is why Elizabeth Banks makes the list, not only for her hotness (which is off the scale) but also for the way in which she plays almost the same character in many of the films she’s in but adds a subtlety to them which makes them seem completely different. She does kooky particularly well, but doesn’t overplay it like actresses such as Zooey Deschanel (even though I like her too) but she also does real, bringing naturalism to many clichéd ‘female-love-interest’ parts thereby making them no longer so passé.
Now all we need is for her to bring naturism to some of her parts.
Essential Performance: Miri in “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”
Scene Stealer Rating: 7/10
9. Arnold Vosloo
I saw “Darkman II” and “Darkman III” before I saw the original and I have to admit I was a bit disappointed to discover that it wasn’t Vosloo playing the central character in the first entry (Neeson didn’t let me down though). Since then I haven’t really seen him in anything where he hasn’t played a bad guy – but that doesn’t bother me because he’s really rather good at it. Even when he’s in a film for a miniscule amount of time like in “Steel Dawn” he still makes his mark.
Of course he’s most famous for his fantastic role as Imhotep in the first two “Mummy” blockbusters and his Hollywood summer movie credentials continue to escalate through his part in G.I. Joe, where he plays
***SPOILER WARNING***
a bad guy.
***END OF SPOILERS***
Essential Performance: High priest Imhotep in “The Mummy”
Scene Stealer Rating: 7/10
10. Bruce Campbell
Silly me. I forgot Bruce Campbell. I think his name speaks for itself. Everyone knows he should be on this list. THE END.
Essential Performance: Ash in “Evil Dead II”
Scene Stealer Rating: 10/10
Bonus 11. War Machine
I’ve included this as a bonus because I don’t really know who this War Machine guy is. All I know is he’s got a weird dress sense and he’s only been in one movie that I know of. It’s only about 3 minutes long and it looks like a rip-off of that film “Iron Man”, I mean they’ve even called it “Iron Man 2”. It doesn’t seem to have a storyline but it’s already the best film I’ve ever seen. I reckon if Mr. Machine was in other stuff he’d make it better.
Like “Gigli”, if he was in that I rate everyone would’ve liked it.
Essential Performance: War Machine in “Iron Man 2”
Scene Stealer Rating: 11/10
EVEN MORE honourable mentions: Danny Trejo, Donnie Yen, Kristen Wiig, Paul Rudd, Ron Perlman, Tom Arnold
BTW I’m not doing another fucking list.
