9 Rules For a Long and Healthy Career as an Action Movie Henchman

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RULE #1: DON’T GET NOTICE

Mr. Smiths from The Matrix

There’s nothing wrong with being just like everyone else…

This isn’t drama class, you don’t want to stand out. Try to become as faceless and personality-free as possible. There’s just no upside to putting yourself out there to be noticed by either the good guy or your boss, the meglomaniacal villain who thinks nothing about throwing you in front of him to save his own hide. Standing out is a surefire way for the hero to notice you and pay special attention. When that happens, you end up with a gruesome ending — a plane propeller through the head, a grenade stuffed down your throat, or cleaved completely in half. Come on, you don’t need that kind of pain. If you’re going to go, mind as well go from a perfectly random bullet to the head. There. A quick and painless death. Beats getting stabbed in the crotch or a fire poker through the eye. Hell, if you’re REALLY bland and show little interest in really sticking it to the hero, once he takes down your current boss, he might just decide you’re not worth wasting a bullet on.

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About Nix

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Editor/Writer at BeyondHollywood.com. Likes: long walks on the beach and Kevin Costner post-apocalyptic movies. Dislikes: 3D, shaky cam, and shaky cam in 3D. Got a site issue? Wanna submit Movie/TV news? Or to email me in regards to anything on the site, you can do so at nix (at) beyondhollywood.com.

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  • Brent McKnight

    Don’t stand to close to Al Leong, I’ve lived my life by this code, and it has served me well thus far.

    • http://www.beyondhollywood.com/ Nix

      There is just no Al Leong equivalent in today’s cinema, sadly. Even Trejo’s gone good.

      • ErickKwon

        I blame that on the homogenization of henchmen in today’s cinema. Compare the henchteam from “Die Hard” (Leong, Huey Lewis at the front desk, the brother with the tiny feet, bald ponytail at the elevator doors, the black guy) versus Bane’s crew in ‘TDKR”. Only guys I remember from “TDKR” are Teal’c and the stoned out looking dude with the bandolier of .50 ammo

    • shonuff

      Ah…. Al. I remember my pre-IMDB days when I just referred to him as level boss.