9 Rules For a Long and Healthy Career as an Action Movie Henchman

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London Palace Guards

Guard duty is for chumps.

Your henchmen supervisor needs someone to guard the door. Get out of it! Do whatever you have to — lie, steel, trade, blackmail — but don’t ever, EVER let them post you at the entrance into your boss’ supposedly impregnable/awesomely hidden lair. Trust me, it’s not nearly as impregnable or awesomely hidden as the boss thinks it is. Sooner or later, the hero will discover it, show up and bust his way in, and you know where that leaves the guys guarding it? D-E-A-D. Guard duty in general is a bad idea. Guarding doors, guarding prisoners, guarding that little red button that the boss needs to complete his mission — whatever it is, if it involves guarding something, you don’t wanna be doing it.

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