9 Rules For a Long and Healthy Career as an Action Movie Henchman

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RULE #3: DON’T VOLUNTEER FOR GUARD DUTY

London Palace Guards

Guard duty is for chumps.

Your henchmen supervisor needs someone to guard the door. Get out of it! Do whatever you have to — lie, steel, trade, blackmail — but don’t ever, EVER let them post you at the entrance into your boss’ supposedly impregnable/awesomely hidden lair. Trust me, it’s not nearly as impregnable or awesomely hidden as the boss thinks it is. Sooner or later, the hero will discover it, show up and bust his way in, and you know where that leaves the guys guarding it? D-E-A-D. Guard duty in general is a bad idea. Guarding doors, guarding prisoners, guarding that little red button that the boss needs to complete his mission — whatever it is, if it involves guarding something, you don’t wanna be doing it.

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Author: Nix

Editor/Writer at BeyondHollywood.com. Likes: long walks on the beach and Kevin Costner post-apocalyptic movies. Dislikes: 3D, shaky cam, and shaky cam in 3D. Got a site issue? Wanna submit Movie/TV news? Or to email me in regards to anything on the site, you can do so at nix (at) beyondhollywood.com.
  • Brent McKnight

    Don’t stand to close to Al Leong, I’ve lived my life by this code, and it has served me well thus far.

    • http://www.beyondhollywood.com/ Nix

      There is just no Al Leong equivalent in today’s cinema, sadly. Even Trejo’s gone good.

      • ErickKwon

        I blame that on the homogenization of henchmen in today’s cinema. Compare the henchteam from “Die Hard” (Leong, Huey Lewis at the front desk, the brother with the tiny feet, bald ponytail at the elevator doors, the black guy) versus Bane’s crew in ‘TDKR”. Only guys I remember from “TDKR” are Teal’c and the stoned out looking dude with the bandolier of .50 ammo

    • shonuff

      Ah…. Al. I remember my pre-IMDB days when I just referred to him as level boss.