9 Rules For a Long and Healthy Career as an Action Movie Henchman

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RULE #4: KIDS ARE MORE DANGEROUS THAN THEY APPEAR

Chloe Moretz in Kick-Ass (2010) Movie Image

They’re cute until they pop a cap in yo ass.

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, look, an 8-year old! How dangerous can an 8-year old be?” Well think again, buddy. Kids in action movies tend to be precocious as hell, and while they’re sometimes easy to capture (especially early on in your boss’ master plan), keeping them is another matter entirely. They can be incredibly resourceful, and don’t even get me started on the smart, nerdy ones. Kids nowadays know more about gadgets than you, the everyday schmoe/henchman, ever will. And the sassy ones, besides the smart mouth that’s liable to drive you nuts, just don’t know when to quit. It’s best to avoid them completely, and if you should end up stuck guarding them, see Rule #3.

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