A Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Review — Verdict: IT BLOWS

If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking, when it comes to “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” these thoughts: “Okay, so sure, the movie doesn’t sound all that great, and the PG rating seems really lame, but really, how bad could it possibly be?” Um, apparently it can be really, really bad. At least, according to one reviewer who sent in his opinions on the movie to the blokes over at AICN. Does the phrase, “No hope” give it away? Read on for the evisceration…

Excerpts from the review:

Did it work? Did they abandon the goofy nature of the first film and reinvigorate the franchise with an epic story about the fate of the entire planet. No on both counts. The humor is entirely aimed at children (which goes along with its PG rating.) “˜Thing’ is played for laughs without any degree of intensity. Johnny Storm’s crisis of conscience robs all of the charisma established in the first (even if it wasn’t much.) Sue Storm is more of a nag than an asset to the team. In addition, there is nothing to signify Reed Richards as the leader to a powerful team of superheroes. He comes off as a self-esteem deprived, blowhard jackass. There isn’t one iota of chemistry between any of the characters. The wretched family dynamics are trumped only by Dr. Doom, who can only be described as the worst villain to ever grace the screen. Julian McMahon’s portrayal of Victor Von Doom seems barely suited for a Sci-Fi cable channel movie, let alone a mega-budget studio film (not that they always choose the best talent, but come on!).

For a story such as this, the amount of claustrophobia throughout, borders on pure agony. It lacks anything even resembling “˜scope of vision.’ The only audience “˜Rise of the Silver Surfer’ is suited for is children between the ages of 5 & 10. Anyone over that age looking for an entertaining piece of escapism will run into a wall of condescension.

Ouch.

But wait, there are good news! (Well, sort of.) The Silver Surfer, says the reviewer, rocks.

The Surfer is phenomenal (with the exception being Lawrence Fishburne’s distracting voice). His entire body seemed to be in constant motion. I was mesmerized for every moment he was on screen. The special effects team did an outstanding job. However, what is perplexing about the look of the Surfer is what it did to the other special effects. Reed’s ability to stretch looked even more unnatural than in the first. Sue’s shield, Johnny’s fire, everything else was sidelined. It was as if the team only concentrated on The Surfer.

The reviewer also thinks the ending blows, and mentions that it involves something that happens to the Silver Surfer.

It is horrible. It makes no sense and it will enrage fans even more than Alba being cast as Sue Storm.

So what’s the big plot twist ending of “Rise of the Silver Surfer”? Did the Silver Surfer become Norman Radd, bald alien dude again? Did he die? Did he fly off into the sunset to face a (cloud) Galactus? Did he and Sue Storm hop into the sack together to make silver invisible little babies? And what’s the deal with having Morpheus voice the Surfer? That’s just so wrong.

Read the rest of the review here.

“The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” sucks out loud June 15th, 2007.

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