Stallone Says Rambo 5 is Not About Mexican Cartels But Super Soldiers and … Aw, Forget it.

Take a look at the post to your left. I swear, that’s not something I made up with my crappy Photoshop skills, that’s actually something, according to AICN, Sylvester Stallone’s people put together so they can start shopping “Rambo 5″ around the festivals. I shit you not. And also according to Stallone (again, via AICN, who even posted an actual voice male Stallone left on their answering machine), the plot of the fifth Rambo won’t see the undying killing machine go up against ruthless Mexican drug cartels and smugglers along the U.S.-Mexico border as previously reported by the trades, but will instead, er, have Rambo chasing supersoldiers in the Pacific Northwest. I absolutely, positively, shit you not.

Look, here’s what AICN said, just so there’s no mistake here:

You see, it is set in the Pacific Northwest. Back in the general area where we first were introduced to John. It seems that somewhere in that Area there is a U.S. Military installation that is doing experiments on elite soldiers as part of some sort of program where they’re attempting to tap into that SAVAGERY that we have deeply embedded into us. The plan is create brilliantly instinctual killer soldiers that have no qualms about taking life. Sly brought up the ancient Immortals, which were cartoonishly glimpsed in 300. In reality, they were children trained from the time they were infants to kill.

Well as happens with Government Experiments to create the perfect killer – it goes exceptionally well… and then exceptionally badly. And Rambo is brought in with a Black Ops squad (”Like in PREDATOR”) to hunt, capture or kill this worse than Rambo killer.

So instead of something that could be real, that could (and IS) happening today, every single day in the South, we’re going to get a science fiction movie where Rambo is called in to hunt some Universal Soldiers type in the friggin’ forest of the Pacific Northwest.

Remember when I said I was looking forward to seeing how ol Rambo made out after coming home from the bloodbath of “Rambo”? Scratch that. If this is, indeed, the actual plot of “Rambo 5″, then you can count me out. If I want to watch a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie of the Week, I’ll tune into the Sci Fi Channel. Er, SyFy Channel.

What’s next, Stallone? Rocky vs. Space Godzilla?

Update:

AICN has updated their Rambo 5 story with an official synopsis from the movie and more details have surfaced elsewhere. The film will be loosely based on a novel by James Byron Huggins called “Hunter”. Instead of super soldiers, the movie will see Stallone hunting a genetically modified experiment gone wrong (a single creature, instead of multiple super soldiers) in the Arctic Circle with the help of his 22-year old sidekick, name Beau Brady and a team of Special Forces soldiers.

Still sounds like a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie of the Week to me.

Say, did you hear? Rambo's coming after us next. Stupid guv'ment experiments gone wrong.