No, no, she’s not ugly like a Troll, hush your mouth. She’s quite cute, actually, in a, “Oh dear God, I’m really going to feel bad for the poor girl once she turns 18 and becomes as eff’ed up as big sis Lindsay” way. What I mean is, Ali Lohan is the top choice of director John Carl Buechler for his remake of the 1986 horror flick “Troll” (pictured, left, and No, that troll isn’t giving you the finger, you’re just imagining things), which was originally directed by … John Carl Buechler? Yup, he’s remaking his own movie 20 years later. Coming up from Hollywood — a remake of that old red shoe I lost in fifth grade! Hey, don’t laugh, it was a very nice shoe. It ruled our kick ball games.
E! Online has more on the potential casting of the latest Lohan in “Troll”:
Lindsay’s little sister auditioned last week for the role of the young Eunice St. Clair, who helps Harry Potter Jr. (no relation whatsoever to J.K. Rowling’s gazillion-dollar creation of the same name) fight the evil Torok the Troll.
“She was great,” Buechler tells me. “The camera loves her. She’s a really good actress…I am personally going to fight for her.”
What does “fight for her” mean in Hollywood? Sleeping with the producers until you get your way? Damn, Carl, you da man!
More about the flick via IMDB:
A young boy befriends a good witch and is introduced to an alternate world of magic, witches, and wizards where he must fight an evil Troll Wizard who has the ability to hide his essence within others.
Sounds like what happens when I get gas. But I digress.
Someone has already given Buechler $25 million to remake his movie. Look for it in 2009. Or, er, don’t. See if I care.