Because You Need It: Dahmer vs. Gacy

Unless someone slipped several shrooms into my green tea this morning, the poster for the upcoming horror showdown “Dahmer vs. Gacy” has appeared online for all to see, and let me be the first to say how pathetically tasteless and impossibly AWESOME it is. Sure, pitting one real-life murderer against another real-life murderer is pretty freaking tasteless, but it should make for one hell of a motion picture. Truthfully, I’m surprised anyone had the balls to construct a film of this nature. If the families of the victims don’t put a stop to its release, I’ll be very, very surprised. In the meantime, I’ll outwardly shocked and quietly excited. Don’t you judge me.

Here’s the skinny on the plot:

A secret government lab has been trying to create the ultimate killer using the DNA of infamous killers but theres one big problem—theyve escaped! Bloody mayhem stretches across the United States as they go on the ultimate killing spree! Trying to stop the maniacal madness is RINGO, a hick warrior being trained by GOD using only a shotgun and a bottle of whisky! In his road trip to hell, he must first fight off his own demons, not to mention an army of Japanese ninjas! It all leads up to the ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN thatll leave blood on the walls and laughs in your belly!

If I could make up this sort of stuff, I wouldn’t be living paycheck-to-paycheck. “Dahmer vs. Gacy” should find their way into your living rooms sometime this year. Prepare your five tender senses accordingly.