Essex Boys (2000) Movie Review

My knowledge of England and all of its districts, ‘burbs, provinces, or whatever they call them over there, is as extensive as my knowledge of, say, particle physics — which is nonexistent. So, as I sit down to watch Essex Boys, a movie that takes place in Essex, which I assume is a town...

January 11th, 2002 | Read More

Jeepers Creepers (2001) Movie Review

Movies like “Jeepers Creepers” gives me hope that the Teen Slasher genre still has some life left in it. Written and directed by Victor Salva (”Powder”), the film follows college students Trish (Gina Philips) and her brother Darry (Justin Long) on their way home from school for...

January 11th, 2002 | Read More

Bandits (1997) Movie Review

Bandits is a German movie about a rock band made up of 4 different women with only one thing in common — they’re all currently serving sentences in prison. The band is led by vocalist and anti-social Luna, a gifted magician and songwriter with aspirations of becoming a rock star; Angel, the...

January 11th, 2002 | Read More

Jurassic Park 3 (2001) Movie Review

The original Jurassic Park was a best-selling novel about genetic engineering used on dinosaurs by the prolific novelist/filmmaker Michael Crichton. The book was turned into a movie by Steven Spielberg as an adventure romp that tackled some of the elements in Crichton’s excellent book, including...

January 10th, 2002 | Read More

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) Movie Review

“A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) is the Stanley Kubrick movie that never was. Rumor has it Kubrick had been developing the movie for years, hoping to wait for technology to finally catch up with his vision, and when it finally did, Kubrick died. With Kubrick’s death, the movie fell into the...

January 10th, 2002 | Read More

Made (2001) Movie Review

While watching Made, Jon Favreau’s latest effort, a thought occurred to me. It was this: If I ever happen to be on a public payphone and a stranger walked up to me and ask me to hang up so he can use the phone, I would do it. As Made opens, we are introduced to our two main characters, Bobby...

January 9th, 2002 | Read More

Monsters, Inc. (2001) Movie Review

I’ve never been too fond of CGI animation. Sure, I enjoyed Toy Story, Shrek, and now Monsters, Inc., but I’ve just never been overly enthusiastic about seeing them. The simple reason is that I’ve never found anything especially interesting or dynamic about watching computer blocks acting...

January 9th, 2002 | Read More

Blood: The Last Vampire (2000) Movie Review

Blood: The Last Vampire is my second Japanimation in as many days. Blood is a cinematic feature that runs just over 45 minutes long. In Japan, this would be akin to a movie-of-the-week, since animation is considered a movie art form there, not just another weekend morning cartoon show as it is here in...

January 9th, 2002 | Read More

Ring 2 (1998) Movie Review

Thirty minutes into Ring 2 and my only thoughts were, “The director really shouldn’t have hired a woman with a bum leg to play the female lead.” This thought surfaced because of the female lead’s complete lack of personality and inability to invoke enthusiasm. The actress playing...

January 8th, 2002 | Read More

Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels (1998) Movie Review

Barrels concerns the problems of 4 British buddies who owe a big shot mobster name Hatchet Harry $500,000 English pounds and must get the money together in one week. The problem came about when the four buddies saved up $25,000 each in order to deal their friend, a card shark name Eddie, into a high-stakes...

January 8th, 2002 | Read More

The Hidden Fortress (1958) Movie Review

Akira Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress’ full name is actually The 3 Villains of the Hidden Fortress, and in interviews of the past, George Lucas of Star Wars fame has admitted that there were elements of his space opus that were based on this Kurosawa film. Fortress once again teams Kurosawa...

January 8th, 2002 | Read More

My Neighbor Totoro (1988) Movie Review

As the saying goes, Children do and say the strangest things. I couldn’t tell you if I ever saw a big furry creature that resembles a real-life teddy bear when I was 4 or 7 years old. Then again, I have never lived in the country (or anywhere with a lot of trees, for that matter) and I’ve...

January 8th, 2002 | Read More

The Hunted (1995) Movie Review

The Hunted is an American production starring a well-known American actor, but if you thought it was an American movie, you’re mistaken. There is absolutely nothing even remotely “American” about The Hunted. The film concerns an American businessman (Lambert) in Tokyo, who witnesses...

January 6th, 2002 | Read More

Hearts in Atlantis (2001) Movie Review

Hearts in Atlantis is a Stephen King novel that, I believe, is separated into multiple parts involving separate characters. The movie itself is only about one of those sections, although some of the characters eventually gets their own section in the book. The Hearts in Atlantis movie is about a psychic...

January 6th, 2002 | Read More

American Outlaws (2001) Movie Review

To call “American Outlaws” a western is making a mockery of all the westerns that’s come before it. Oh no, “American Outlaws” isn’t a western, it’s a rather simpleton movie where the characters happen to wear 1800s-era clothing and everyone wears a gun holster....

January 6th, 2002 | Read More

Power Play (2002) Movie Review

Here’s a Guide to Screenwriting for simple-minded filmmakers that want to make a statement about the Evils of Corporate America, but lacks the talent to do it in an intelligent way. One: Evil Corporate Tycoons are always looking to screw the rest of the planet over in the quest to make money, because...

January 5th, 2002 | Read More

Fly Me to Polaris (1999) Movie Review

Fly Me to Polaris is a Hong Kong remake of the 1978 Warren Beatty movie Heaven Can Wait, which was itself a remake of the 1941 movie Here Comes Mister Jordan. Chris Rock would later redo the formula in Down to Earth in 2001 with mixed results. All 4 movies have essentially the same basic premise and...

January 5th, 2002 | Read More

Full Contact (1992) Movie Review

Ringo Lam’s Full Contact is a There’s No Honor Among Thieves Movie, a genre of film categorized by the presence of an anti-hero (that is, he’s a criminal but he’s also the hero of the piece) and the betrayal of that anti-hero by his co-horts — he’s double-crossed and...

January 5th, 2002 | Read More

Moulin Rouge (2001) Movie Review

While watching Moulin Rouge, I suddenly developed a headache and a general dislike for musicals. (Not that I ever cared for them in the first place, natch.) There is a theory floating around, one that I have called the Michael Bay Theory of Film Editing, that involves movies edited in such a rapid-fire...

January 4th, 2002 | Read More

The Fast and the Furious (2001) Movie Review

I have a soft spot for stupid movies, but what I can’t stand is a movie that is both stupid and generic. The Fast and the Furious is that kind of movie — it’s both stupid and generic, and those are two traits that I cannot forgive. What passes for a plot in Furious mines the Undercover...

January 3rd, 2002 | Read More