Cloverfield Movie SPOILERS

With “Cloverfield” set to open on the 18th, a meager 3 days away, the reviews are starting to flood in. I have yet to read a review where they spoiled everything for you, but I finally stumbled across one at UGO, who has seen the movie and was nice enough to SPOIL pretty much everything about the movie for us. Really, SPOILERS APLENTY. Don’t read on if you don’t want to know.

Okay, here are some excerpts from UGO’s review:

Q: What the hell does the monster look like? Is it a whale with feet?
A: It is not a whale with feet. But it is difficult to describe. I haven’t seen a monster quite like this before. That doesn’t mean that you don’t get a good look at him. You do. But even still. He kinda looks like a giant gray dinosaur with creepy backwards ostrich legs. But that’s not the scariest part. The legs are really meaty and almost look human-like. There are times when he looks like a biped and other times when he looks like a quadruped. He has a lizard-y face and he’s got sacs up by his temples when he breathes (I guess.) He also has some whippy tentacle arms that fly at you when you try to cross the Brooklyn Bridge.

Q: Do you ever find out what the monster is?
A: Not really.

Q: Does it end all lame like The Sopranos or does it have a real ending?
A: A little of both. You never learn what happens (everything you see is “discovered tape”) in the larger world, but you learn what happens to the characters you’ve been following.

Q: What happens to the characters we’ve been following?
A: Everybody dies.

Q: Oy vey!
A: But they find love.

Q: What does Slusho have to do with the movie?
A: Nothing. Some dude wears a Slusho T-Shirt. Then he gets killed by a monster.

And finally, yes, it does leave room for a sequel. As if it weren’t, sheeah, right.