Now this is news I could certainly use, in a, “Well, it’s been a shitty day for movie news, so why not indulge in some Hoff action?” sort of way. According to the blokes over at Movie Hole, none other than David Hasselhoff, last seen splayed out in his hotel room eating remnants of a cheeseburger off the floor, will be headlining the “Anaconda” sequels, which will, in the tradition of direct-to-DVD sequels nowadays, be shot back-to-back for releases in 2008 and 2009. Now I’m just guessing that the sequels will be shot back-to-back and saved for release a year apart, but considering that this is how every direct-to-DVD movie sequels are doing it nowadays, it’s a good chance I’m right.

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David Hasselhoff’s on River-Watch for the Don E. FauntLeRoy (”Urban Justice”; cinematographer on “Jeepers Creepers 2″) directed sequels — both filming back to back. He’s joined by Crystal Allen (”Maid in Manhattan”), John Rhys Davies (”Lord of the Rings”) and Zoltan Butuc (”Funny Money”).

Ol’ fluffy chest plays a mercenary-for-hire who accepts a mission from a billionaire to capture a dangerous snake that could possibly help cure a terminal illness. I assume the rest of the bunch play, well, food?

The films — the first being titled “Anaconda 3 : The Offspring” - will be shot in — of course — Romania. It’s planned that they’ll premiere on the Sci Fi Channel before hitting DVD.

I kind of liked the second “Anacondas”, but never really saw the first one in its entirety. These movies are harmless fun, highly predictable and by-the-numbers Creature Features. If you go into them knowing this, they’re easy to like; if not, you’ll be spending all your time wondering why they’re so stupid.