Forgotten Action Cinema: City Dragon

Director “Philthy” Phil Philips’ 1995 bargain bin classic “City Dragon” is, if nothing else, a truly unique motion picture experience. Disguised as a mild-mannered low-budget kung fu movie, the film effectively sucks the unsuspecting action fanatic into a bizarre cinematic world filled to overflowing with shockingly dated fashions, rhyming kung fu heroes, weak fight sequences, and hackneyed romantic subplots laced with the sort of clumsy sex found on Cinemax in the middle of the night. The story — an exceptionally lame yarn about a martial arts master and his troublesome baby mamma — is the stuff of mid-80’s American soap operas, complete with wretched dialogue and limp cinematography. The film is truly terrible, and I urge you vocally distrust anyone who tells you otherwise. Although “City Dragon” is probably one of the worst movies in my decidedly wonky collection, I’ve seen the bastard no less than ten times. Ten times! What in the hell is wrong with me? Truth be told, I actually kind of enjoy the damned thing. It’s a horrible little slab of cinema, to be sure, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t super tasty. Unintentional comedy goes a very long way with me, which effectively secures this hilariously awful motion picture’s place in my collection forever more. If you can find a copy at your local pawn shop, make sure you don’t spend more than two whole American dollars to bring it home. Otherwise, you’re paying way too much. In the meantime, you should probably investigate the clips embedded below. Here’s hoping the filmmakers finally get around to releasing “Kung Fu Assassins” in the near future. That would be awesome.