Forgotten Action Cinema: Clementine

Although this particular action-oriented outing is more understandably undiscovered than unfortunately forgotten, I felt its inclusion here was important as it represented a milestone in my cinematic journey. Last night’s slow and steady consumption of Korean director Du-yeong Kim’s melodramatic 2004 street fighting epic “Clementine” has effectively completed my life-long quest to ingest every single Steven Seagal picture he’s released thus far. However, our favorite pudgy aikido master’s screen time amounts to roughly ten minutes, including a smattering of seconds in the film’s first half. In order to achieve the buzz that usually arises from watching any motion picture featuring Steven Seagal, the prospective viewer must carefully wade through a stagnant river of pungent boredom, a sinister place that has a notorious reputation for drowning individuals who possess weaker constitutions. The film itself unfolds like a Lifetime version of a martial arts film; stuffed precariously in-between a few inspired moments of Miike-esque brutality is one seriously depressing story about a former cop’s struggle to provide both financial and emotional support for his sassy, quick-tempered little girl. Before dropping your sweaty bills on this sloppy Korean B-movie, ask yourself this question: Is sitting through an hour and twenty minutes of uber-cute kiddie nonsense really worth a few dodgy minutes of Seagal-related madness? At some point in our lives, we all must answer this question.

If you want to cut to the chase, you can watch the final fight below.