Forgotten Action Cinema: Pocket Ninjas

Currently ranked as one of the absolute worst motion pictures in the entire Internet Movie Database, questionable director Dave Eddy’s surreal 1997 kiddie kung fu adventure “Pocket Ninjas” is, if nothing else, a unique, one-of-a-kind experience you won’t soon forget. Pieced together by an inglorious team of cinema-challenged individuals with little working knowledge of how filmed entertainment is constructed, the movie careens wildly between second-rate “Stand By Me” narration, silly sequences of misguided slapstick comedy, and, last but certainly not least, extended scenes of B-movie action guru Gary Daniels training in a variety of unrelated locations. The story — if you’re brave enough to actually label it as such — is nothing more than a cheap “3 Ninjas” knock-off starring a trio of talentless children who look just as confused delivering their lines as they do participating in the film’s numerous martial arts-related shenanigans. Had Eddy and his lackluster crew of wannabe Hollywood professionals not taken this insipid material quite so seriously, the film may have had a shot at cult stardom. As it stands, Pocket Ninjas will only appeal to those who either love extremely poor martial arts films or have an affinity for the work of Mr. Gary Daniels. Unless you want your kids to grow up with seriously developmental problems, make sure they stay far away this abomination, as well as Robert Z’Dar’s freakishly large jaw. Fans of bargain bin cinema, meanwhile, will have a field day with this one. Godfrey Ho would be proud.