Archive for July, 2006
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
Fresh off her split with Matthew “Way too Handsome for a Man” McConaughey, Spanish babe Penelopze Cruz was caught on the sandy beaches of St Tropez, the other fave vacation spot for rich beautiful people (the other being Barbados, of course) with some pale white guy who no one wants to see, and so they shall not. Penelope Cruz in a two-piece bikini is potentially pretty hot stuff, but Penelope Cruz in a two-piece that looks like she stole it from the 1930s is kinda lame. I’m so disappointed in my Spanish fly.
Mel Gibson’s Police Mugshot
Looks like Hollywood has something to rejoice over at long last — Mel Gibson, the man who dared give Hollywood the finger and made his own gazillion dollar movie about the life of Jesus, just got popped. Last Friday Mel was pulled over for drunk driving in Malibu, after which he started spouting off anti-Jewish remarks at the Deputy trying to arrest him. Dude’s got some ’splainin’ to do, as they say.
Hollywood Babes Love Poker
Hollywood babes love poker. Well, actually, I can only count two, Shannon Elizabeth and Jennifer Tilly, who really really loves poker enough that they keep showing up at poker tourneys. Tilly has basically made a second career out of playing poker if all her appearances in various poker tourneys on TV is any indication. (I guess the “Bride of Chucky” money ran out, huh?) Shannon Elizabeth is way too hot to actually be a good poker player, and Robin Tunney, who doesn’t look so happy at the table in these pictures, falls somewhere in-between. Maybe she can win some money and send them to the “Prison Break” gang? I hear they’re on the run from Johnny Law and a pack of sniffing dogs. But I digress. Here’s Shannon Elizabeth, Jennifer Tilly, and Robin Tunney at the 2006 World Series of Poker.
Jenna Jameson Has Something Hard in her Hands
You pervs out there (and you know who you are) probably won’t be surprised to hear that Jenna Jameson has yet again picked up something hard, but you may be surprised to learn that it’s not what you think, but rather a crystalline awards hardware from the Temptation Awards in L.A. And no, I don’t know what the hell the Temptation Awards are or what they’re giving awards out for, but I think L.A. is somewhere in Arizona. Or maybe Utah. My geography has never been sharper, so I’m sticking with Montana.
Mischa Barton in Morgan De Toi Ads
Mischa Barton was a model before she turned to acting vis-a-vis “The OC”, so seeing her in these black and white ads (oooh, so artsy fartsy!) for Morgan De Toi seems like a natural fit. I’m still not sure what kind of an actress she is (I’ve seen a total of 5 minutes of “The OC”, ever), but she sure makes a great model, doesn’t she? Bony, tall, a sharp face — I can’t decide if Mischa Barton is hot or freaky. I’m leaning towards the former, but maybe it’s just the burrito I had this morning.
Sunday Treat: Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures
Apparently Internet bloggers aren’t the only ones noticing that Lindsay Lohan sure seems to be doing the whole bikini thing more often than is humanly allowed, because she was recently riprimanded by the produceres of her new movie “Georgia Rule” for, according to them, “partying too hard”. How dare they! We live to see Lindsay Lohan party too hard! And if she happens to be wearing a two-piece red bikini while she’s doing it, all the better! Leave Lindsay alone you bastards!
Martin Scorsese’s Gangster Flick “The Departed” Trailer Online
King of the Gangster flicks Martin Scorsese is coming up with another take on gangster life, this time from the Irish perspective in Boston. Or as the locals call it, “Bahstan”. The trailer for the movie, “The Departed”, hits Yahoo! Movies. Loaded to the ass with big name stars (Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Friggin Nicholson, and Matt Damon to name just a few), “The Departed” is based on a Hong Kong crime flick called “Infernal Affairs”, which was so popular it spawned two sequels — in one year! Beat that, Hollywood!
Pamela Anderson Wants You to Play With Her
I mean, at her new poker site PamelaPoker.com, of course. What did you think I meant? What a dirty mind! But I digress. So what the heck is PamelaPoker? It’s actually a part of poker legend Doyle Brunson’s Poker Network. So what can you do with Pamela at PamelaPoker.com? Well I’m guessing play poker. With yourself or with your fellow Pam lovers or maybe with Pam herself. I hear Kid Rock doesn’t always have time to play with Pam…
British Chicks Reveal their Miami Vices
Michael Mann’s big-screen remake of his own TV show, “Miami Vice”, hits the UK. Among those who came out for the big brouhaha (aka the premiere) included such British hotties as Rebecca “I Got Yer Beckhem Right ‘Ere!” Loos, Caprice “A British Model Though I’m Really American” Bourret, and popstar Michelle Heaton, who may or may not be at the premiere with her girl band Liberty X. I say “may or may not” because I’ve never heard of them, and I don’t know if the other two girls with her are her fellow bandmates or just some girls she pulled out of the crowd. Either/or.
Samuel L. Jackson Battles MotherF’in Snakes on a Plane
Samuel L. Jackson is da man. He’s not the man, he’s da man, which makes him, at least, three times the man. So when Sam Jackson decides to do a movie called “Snakes on a Plane” about a federal marshal battling motherf’in snakes on a plane (hence the title) trying to kill the marshal’s motherf’in witness, Internet movie fanboys came in their pants. According to legend, when Jackson was offered the part, he accepted based entirely on the title, and when the producers tried to change the title later on, Jackson balked, and told them in no certain terms to “Don’t change the motherf’in title, you motherf’ers!” Or something to that affect. Thus, “Snakes on a Plane”, the B-movie that lucked into the world of A-movies, becomes legend even before it arrives in your f’in theaters August 18. Motherf’n!
Anna Kournikova is Too Skinny?
I don’t get what all the fuss about Anna Kournikova apparently becoming “too skinny” is all about. She doesn’t look all that skinny to me in these pictures, snapped of Anna in her stomping ground of Miami with someone’s family and someone’s (lucky) kid. Okay, so maybe she’s not quite as muscular as when she was dominating the tennis circuit (okay, so “dominating” may be too strong a word; let’s go with playing), but she’s, you know, not exactly Mischa Barton territory. At least, not yet. And hey, can you blame the girl for dropping some pounds to fit into those jeans? Look how tight they are!
Maura Tierney Splits From Husband
I really don’t have anything dumb or smart to say about this (as per my usual standard operating procedure), as I’ve always been a fan of Maura Tierney going back to her “Newsradio” days (just love that show). But news is that Maura has split from her husband of 13 years, Billy Morrissette. An actor/director, Morrissette directed Maura in the 2001 indie flick “Scotland, Pa.” The reason for the split, in my most unsophisticated of opinions, is the same thing that happens to most Hollywood couple — when one half of the couple gets more famous than the other, the ego can’t handle it. It’s worst when it’s the woman who outfames the husband. But maybe I’m just talking about of my ass as usual.
Jaime Pressly Bikini Stills from “D.O.A.”
I already have a lot of reasons to check out the videogame-to-movie movie “D.O.A.” when it hits theaters (okay, maybe DVD), not including Holly Valance and Devon Aoki in bikini, but also because of action choreographer/director Corey Yuen, who is badass when it comes to making hot chicks look good while kicking ass. (Check out his movie “So Close” if you get the chance.) But damn, here’s another reason to check out the movie when it hits. Jaime Pressly in an American-theme 2-piece bikini. God Bless America.
30-Second Simpsons Movie Trailer Online
This is probably an old one, but whatever, I just stumbled across it today. (Shows you how “plugged in” I am about these things. I’m so ashamed.) Here’s the 30-second teaser trailer for the upcoming Simpsons movie. You know, the cartoon about the dysfunctional family whose children never seems to graduate out of elementary school? Yeah, them. The Simpsons invade movie theaters July 27, 2007. Look for it to suck just as much as the last 10 seasons or so. There were a couple of Comic Con footage going around, but apparently TPTB put the kibosh on those. Oh well.
American Idols to Meet with American Dumbass
Katharine McPhee got over her bronchitis and laryngitis, which kept her off the “American Idol” live tour (coughYeah rightcough) just in time to join the winner of American Idol 5, Taylor Hicks on a tour of the White House, where they will also meet with Dubya because, you know, what’s more important for the President of the Friggin United States than to meet two reality TV show contestants? Way to go, Dubya. Hell, it beats having to deal with Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Lebanon, Israel, the French, the UN…
Scarlett Johansson’s “Black Dahlia” Trailer Online
Yes, I know that the director of “The Black Dahlia”, based on the real-life Hollywood homicide from the ’40s, is one Brian De Palma, and that Scarlett Johansson is only a co-star. But let’s face facts, people — the only reason I care about this movie is because Scarlett is in it. An adaptation of James Ellroy’s 1940s-set novel about two L.A. cops who head up the hunt for the killer of fledgling actress Elizabeth Short. The flick, due out September, co-stars Josh Hartnett and Hilary Swank.
Kate Beckinsale is Just Like You and Me
See, celebrities are human, just like you and me, and sometimes they prefer burgers over steaks, too. Here’s Kate Beckinsale enjoying greasy burgers and fries with her director husband and daughter Lilly at LA’s In-N-Out Burger joint. (Hey, weren’t these two suppose to be splitting? I’ve been lied to! Damn you Access Hollywood! Extra! Entertainment Tonight and the 5,000 other Hollywood shows!) Picture what it’s like to be stuffing your fat face with oily fries when Kate Beckinsale, in short-shorts revealing gorgeous legs and a perfect figure, walks in and orders a Happy Meal (or whatever the equivalent is in this place), then proceeds to chow down like she doesn’t make $20 million (or thereabouts) a movie? I’d probably choke on my fries.
Jill Hennessy is Leggy
“Crossing Jordan” star Jill Hennessy is leggy. I mean, she has legs that go on forever. That kind of “leggy” leggy. If Jill Hennessy and Stacy Keibler got together, and stood on each other’s shoulders, I’m sure they could say Hi to God all the way up there. And yes, just the thought of Jill Hennessy and Stacy Keibler touching each other in all kinds of ways is way too awesome for words. But I digress. Here’s Jill showing off those ridiculously long legs.
Nicky Hilton Sometimes Forgets That she’s a Hilton
Which would explain why she has a tattoo of her last name put on her tailbone. Um. Well, actually, that doesn’t really explain it. Why in the world do you have your last name tattooed on your tailbone? Just slightly above your ass crack? Oh, those wacky Hilton sisters. Here’s the less skanky of the two Hilton sisters poolside at a Miami hotel getting her two-piece bikini on.
Glory Days: Christie Brinkley
Christie Brinkley’s 50th husband has just been exposed as a cheater — with a 19 year old, no less. Apparently hubby doesn’t remember that his wife used to be the world’s hottiest piece of tail. The dumb bastard. In service of that, here’s a Glory Days look back at Christie Brinkley’s body of work. Heh heh. I said “body of work” because Christie Brinkley is a supermodel and they’re known for their body. Get it? I’m a friggin genius.