Archive for August, 2006
Karolina Kurkova Shills for Lexus
Hot Czech model + luxury hybrid model = hot cakes! Or at least that’s probably what the makers of the new Lexus GS 450h Hybrid car were thinking when they hired Victoria’s Secret supermodel Karolina Kurkova to model their new ride. Of course by the looks of things, I don’t think poor Karolina knows how to drive a Lexus, much less “model” one. Isn’t she supposed to be wearing skimpy bra and panties and rubbing up against it and such? Man, these supermodels can’t sell a car to save their life. I bet Heidi “Anything for a buck” Klum could do a better job…
The Hot Chicks of “DOA” — Posterized
Okay, here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that Corey Yuen’s ass-kicking spectacular “Dead or Alive” (or as the kids call it, “Dead or Alive”) is going to suck — movie-wise. As in, it’ll probably not make a whole lot of sense, the script will be filled with the kind of bad dialogue that makes you want to slice off your ears — er, what was I saying? Oh, right. Despite all that, your eyes will be happy, and so will something, um, much lower. So don’t hesitate, kids, run and check out “DOA” when it opens. Here are some posters to keep you busy in the meantime. Violence + hot chicks = genius marketing.
Maggie Gyllenhaal Creeps the Sh*T Outta Me
I’m not sure what’s running through the Gyllenhaal bloodline, but Maggie Gyllenhaal and her bro Jake are two of the freakiest dudes I’ve ever seen in movies. Especially sis Maggie, who has that nutty, crazed eyes that you know this girl is supposed to be living with cats in a dank two-story house and not making an actual living on the big screen or giving interviews to “Access Hollywood”, etc. Look at this girl and tell me she doesn’t creep the crap out of you. Dang.
Rihanna Bikini Pictures
Rihanna returns to Barbados, where she was born and raised and learned how to sing. (At least that’s how I think it happened. I could be wrong, of course, not being a Rihanna fan and all. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a single one of her songs, but I digress.) Here’s Rihanna running around the beaches of Barbados in a two-piece bikini playing with sand and wearing a hat. Hunh. A hat. I don’t know what’s the deal with the hat, but, eh, kids these days.
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
For some reason, when a famous celebrity strips down to a two-piece bikini and doesn’t look as great as they should (or at least as we expect them to), it’s always a little disappointment, eliciting a feeling of, as the kids would say, “gyp-ness”. So here’s Spanish babe Penelope Cruz sunning and swimming and yachting herself in the Mediterranean Sea. Not bad, but you know, the completely unrealistic part of me wants her to look better. After all, what’s the point of having all that money and fame if you can’t have a personal plastic surgeon tuck away in your trailer just for such occassions?
Eva Longoria Maxim Cover
“Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria is on the cover of, and inside the pages of, the latest issue of Maxim Magazine, about to hit newstands or arrive in your mailbox in a brown paper bag (depending on your level of shame, or lack thereof) very soon, but for now here’s the hottest Spurs fan in the known universe on the cover. And yes, it goes without saying, that interior pics to come.
Jessica Biel has Junk in the Trunk (aka a Big ol Ass)
Who knew that of all the white girls in Hollywood it would be Jessica Biel who embraces the mythical (and usually ethnic-inclined) “junk in the trunk”. I mean, we’re talking about the girl from “7th Heaven” here, for God’s sake (pun intended). Then again, we are talking about the girl that showed up mostly topless in Gear Magazine, so… Here’s Jessica Biel and her big ol ass (the benefits of being a gym rat, no doubt, as Jessica has bigger muscles than you or I) at the red carpet premiere of her new movie “The Illusionist”, co-starring Edward Norton as David Copperfield’s evil twin. (Wait, is that last part redundant?)
Snakes on a Plane is Comin’ to Kill Yo Ass Biotches!
If you’re like me (and God help you if you are), then you can’t wait for Friday, tomorrow, when “Snakes on a Plane” arrives in theaters to poison yo dumb ass with Samuel L. Jackson goodness. Yes, yes, we’ve all heard that the film wasn’t screened for critics, but then again, who gives a crap what Roger Ebert thinks about a movie called “Snakes on a Plane”. I say PHUCK Roger Ebert. Here’s Sam Da Man Jackson on “The Daily Show” giving a hilarious rundown of the movie, including about how Ronny Yu was supposed to originally direct, and Sam’s theory on why he got fired.
Angie Harmon is Leggy
Hottie and a half Angie Harmon hasn’t exactly been burning up the movie screens after leaving “Law and Order”, but that hasn’t stopped her from doing 3 films in 2006. Here’s the very leggy Texan (woot woot! Texans rule, beeyatch!) on a yacht with hubby Jason Sehorn for Tango Magazine. The only person who can match Angie for great legs is Stacy Keibler because God loves tall chicks with long legs. And I think you can see Sehorn on TV doing football stuff or sumtin’.
Diora Baird in Maxim
Diora Baird is famous for dropping her clothes in the Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn comedy “Wedding Crashers”, and before that, taking it all off for Playboy. (You starting to see a pattern here?) Now the blonde, Catherine Deneuve lookalike is in the latest issue of Maxim Magazine playing golf. Or pretending to. Either/or. What matters is that she’s looking pretty damn good doing it. I gotsa pick me up some golf.
Katharine McPhee is a Sexy Librarian
Just when you thought American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee couldn’t get any sexier, she goes and pulls “a Librarian” on us, namely slipping on some reading glasses and signing autographs for fans alongside her fellow AI losers. Now if she’ll just go the whole nine yards and slip on some short skirt and pose while laying across a stack of books… Um, where was I? Oh yeah, Katharine McPhee with glasses, signing autographs, looking uber scrumptilicious.
New Babe Alert: Elisabetta Canalis
Mama mia, that is one spicy meatbahl! (Let me right now apologize for that furthering of a cliche. I am so ashamed.) If you need to sell something, Elisabetta Canalis is not a bad way to get your product noticed. Here is the Italian Goddess in a shoot for Baci e Abbracci Intimo ads. I’m guessing that Baci e Abbracci Intimo sells lingerie. Then again, Paris Hilton was wearing bra and panties in a hamburger commercial, so what do I know.
Meet the Divorce Lawyers: Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are Splitsville
I’m betting that the reason former playboy playmate and sometimes wannabe actress Shanna Moakler is splitting from her husband, Blink 182 drummer and tattoo fiend Travis Barker, is because of all the tattoos. I mean, come on, when you’re tatting your friggin’ neck, you got a problem, man. Or maybe it’s the curse of the MTV reality show, as Barker and Moakler becomes the second couple to split after being featured in their very own MTV reality show where every episode was about how much they love each other and wabby wobby doo doo. Mind you, not that I’m gloating. (But seriously, Barker needs to chill with the tattoos. What’re you gonna tell your grandkids when you’re 90, Barker? Dumbass.)
Stacy Keibler in the 2006 WWE Divas Lingerie Special
What’s that you say? It’s been ages since I last posted any Stacy Keibler pictures just because Stacy Keibler is awesome and needs to be posted more often? And that you demand I correct this error lest you come to my house and beat me with a baseball bat? Well okay, damn, don’t be so damn violent. Here you go, Stacy Keibler in the 2006 WWE Divas Lingerie Special. Satisfied? Sheesh!
New Babe Alert: Rosa Blasi
Rosa Blasi is a soap opera actress, a veteran of theatres, and she once toured with, of all people, Kenny “The Gambler” Rogers. After a stint on the Lifetime show “Strong Medicine” she dived into “The Vagina Monologues”. There is not enough wind in her native city of Chicago to blow away the heat this Irish-Italian-Puerto Rican babe is generating. I dare you to be blase around Rosa Blasi.
Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Pictures
Victoria Silvstedt is a walking stereotype — a tall (5′10″ of beanpole sweetness), hot (as in smokin’), blonde (though not dumb by any means), and busty (36C-25-36 of perfection) Swedish model with no real talent except to look uber hot in any given situation, especially while parading about in a two-piece bikini for the paparazzi. And in 2005, she came in second to Jennifer Ellison for the title of “Sexiest Blonde in the World” according to the nuts of Nuts Magazine. We think she was robbed. In other words, Victoria Silvstedt is one juicy Swedish meatball.
Bad News, Bat Fans: Katie Holmes Returns for “Batman Begins” Sequel
Katie Holmes is a cutie and a half, and I think she’s quite the lovely young lady, all nice and sugary (aside from her apparent lack of decision making skills — marriage to Tom Cruise, anyone?), but man, did she stink up “Batman Begins” or what? This girl should be relegated to cutesy romantic comedies, not knocking out bad guys side by side with the friggin Dark Knight. Which makes news that Katie Holmes has begun training (yoga and kickboxing!) for a January 2007 production start date for the “Batman Begins” sequel absolutely terrifying. And here I was hoping Heath Ledger, as the new Joker, would kill her off in the first 10 minutes so Bats can go even more batsy and get all moody and junk. Bleh.
Clint Eastwood’s “Flags of Our Fathers” Trailer Online
One of my most anticipated movies of the year, Clint Eastwood’s World War II epic “Flags of our Fathers” gets a trailer at Warner Bros’ Japanese website. “Flags of our Fathers” is the first part of a two-parter, with the second one called “Red Sun, Black Sand”. While “Flags” takes a look at the battle for Iwo Jima from the American perspective, “Red Sun” will take it from the Japanese POV. The trailer looks great, and the whole aura of this thing is going to be tragic as hell. The only downside is where the trailer is hosted, and what they are using — lousy Windows Media. Bleh. In this day and age of Quicktime, who still uses WMV?
Nicollette Sheridan Bikini Pictures
Someone needs to tell “Desperate Housewives” star Nicollette Sheridan that she’s 42 going on 43, and legally by California Law, she’s not allowed to look this good. Since she doesn’t have any kids, I guess it would be wrong to label Nicollette Sheridan the ultimate MILF, but what the hey, stating an obvious falsehood has never stopped me before. Here’s Nicollette walking her dogs on the beach in a two-piece bikini. (Lucky dogs…)
Claire Forlani “CSI: NY” Promos
Ah, Claire Forlani, one of my favorite actresses in the whole wide world ever since she whispered her way through “Meet Joe Black”. What a lovely, lovely woman, with smoking, enthralling eyes and yes, that accent. Now I’m not a big fan of the “CSI” shows, but with Claire joining the cast of “CSI: New York”, I might have to start tuning in. Here are some promo work Claire did for the show.