Archive for August, 2006
Kate Hudson and Husband are Splitsville
People.com is reporting that Kate Hudson and hubby Chris Robinson are splitting after 6 years of marriage and one son. Since Hudson’s “people” has confirmed this to People, it’s basically a done deal. Robinson, for those who don’t know, is the lead singer of The Black Crowes. This is usually when I make a smartass remark about how Hollywood marriages are doomed to failure, but since I sort of like Kate Hudson and she’s never flaunted her marriage the way that douche bag Ashton Kutcher does with his hag of a wife, I ain’t gonna. (But mark my words, when that half-tard Kutcher and Moore splits, I’m gonna have a ball and change.)
Avril Lavigne Wedding Pictures
Punk rocker Avril Lavigne has apparently said goodbye to the punk personal completely by doing the most traditional thing of them all and getting hitched to Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley in a marriage destined to last no more than three year, tops. Why am I giving them a full three years? Because they’ll never see each other more than a few days a month (touring, appearances, etc), which should lengthen the marriage by a couple of faux years at the least. (No, I’m not being a spoiled sport, just realistic. It’s a famous wedding. They never last, especially when they’re this young.) But I digress. Here are some Avril Lavigne wedding pictures. She certainly makes a lovely bride, doesn’t she?
Nicole Richie is a Walking Corpse (aka Nicole Richie Bikini Pictures)
Someone call David Hasselhoff, that poor Ethiopian child is drowning in the ocean — oh wait, that’s Nicole Richie, looking more and more like a walking corpse everyday. Holy Mother of God and all that is not right in Heaven. Someone please get this girl into some sort of celeb rehab where they will stuff food into her and cleanse her mind of the Hollywood programming that convinces her “thin is in”. If that face of hers gets anymore sharper, I’m afraid she’s going to slice open the air swirling around her and kill it, and then what will the rest of us breathe?
Holy April Scott Bikini Pictures
I’m almost 100% certain that model turned cough actress cough April Scott won’t be able to act her way out of a paper bag in the upcoming “Dukes of Hazzards” sequel (”The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning”!) which will hit video sometime in 2007. Just as I’m almost 100% certain that it won’t matter a bit, as April Scott assaying the part of Daisy Dukes, left vacant by the vacant Jessica Simpson, was a natural, as these (barely) bikini and (oh so) assless chaps pictures will certainly attest to. Great Scott indeed!
Brit Babe Invasion: Holly McGuire
Born Victoria Louise Yallop, you sort of understand why she changed her name to Holly McGuire. I mean, come on, “Yallop”? That’s no name for a hot actress/model from Essex, England, which if my UK geography is correct, is located somewhere south of Nosex, Ireland. Or am I getting it confused with Mosex, Scotland? Anyways, here is “Footballers’ Wives” actress Holly McGuire, with a little somethin’ somethin’ to brighten up yer Monday.
Zhang Ziyi is Easy
Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi (”Memoirs of a Geisha”) is easy… To work with. At least that’s what the director of Zhang’s upcoming Chinese martial arts epic “The Banquet” told the AP. The now-Hollywood actress even shaved her eyebrows for the role and, just to be extra nice, served soup to the crew! Frankly, we could care less if she’s easy to work with, because she’s incredibly easy on the eyes. Take a look at this hotness and tell me you wouldn’t put up with a little (or a lot) diva-like behavior just to tap that ass.
The Jessica Simpson Cleavage Special
And now, ladies and gentlemen (but mostly the gentlemen), we present the Jessica Simpson Cleavage Special, a very, very special Random Page of Interest posting. It’s kinda like an Afterschool Special, or a Very Brady Episode, only with a lot of Jessica Simpson and Jessica Simpson’s cleavage and not a whole lot of Jan and Marsha.
A Blonde Natalie Portman is Feeling a Little Nippy
My theory that Natalie Portman is, in fact, a 12-year old boy disguised as a girl takes a hit today with these pictures of Natalie Portman on the streets of New York feeling, apparently, a little “nippy”. (Isn’t it like 105 degrees in New York this month?) I’m guessing that the big black guy walking with her is her bodyguard, as, well, why in the world would Natalie Portman be walking around New York ignoring a big black guy who is apparently following her. Well actually, now that I look at the picture again, the guy really isn’t that big, so maybe he’s just someone hounding her for an autograph or somethin’, because I don’t think he’s a friend from the way she’s acting like the dude doesn’t even exist. (And hey check it out, the Natser is blonde again.)
Elle Macpherson Bikini Pictures
The only thing better than a hot celebrity in a two-piece bikini frolicking about on the beach (and don’t they just frolick way better than the rest of us mere mortals?) is a supermodel who still has the chops. And of course by “chops” I mean a super hot smoking body made for wearing two-piece bikinis. Oh my. Here’s Aussie’s contribution to the modeling world Elle Macpherson on the beach with a kid (probably her son), who I have excised from these pictures because, frankly, who wants to see a kid when you’re trying to conjure up fantasy sequences about his mom?
Brit Babe Invasion: Gemma Atkinson
The Brit Babe Invasion continues with Gemma Atkinson, yet another product of UK soap opera “Hollyoaks”, aka “Holy Shit How Do They Squeeze All Those Hot Babes Into One Show and is This Even Legal?” How smoking is Gemma Atkinson? So much that I don’t even mind the ridiculous first name. I mean, come on, “Gemma”? That sounds more like a “Star Trek” character about to get boinked by Captain Kirk. But I digress.
Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures
Jennifer Aniston is a pretty woman, that much is not in doubt, but does she always have to look like someone just ate her baby? Seriously, folks, it’s ridiculous. In fact, so much so that I always have trouble looking at these fantastic pictures of Jennifer Aniston in a two-piece bikini. Always. Well, okay, maybe not that hard of a time, if you know what I mean. Wink wink, hint hint, and all that good stuff.
Brit Babe Invasion: Jenny Frost
Let’s face it: British babes are hot. They’re also not like their American counterparts; the body is different, the face is different, and yes, the accent is different (like, duh). And since there have been so many of them lately, I’ve decided to create a whole new category for them: The Brit Babe Invasion! First up is Atomic Kitten singer Jenny Frost, looking brilliant, as the Brits are wont to say, in and out of a two-piece bikini. (There was a pudgy Brit guy with her in the bikini shots, but I’ve excised him for your pleasure. Thank me later.)
Some Roselyn Sanchez for the Weekend
What a better way to slide into the weekend then feasting on some hot spicy mama ala Roselyn Sanchez. The star of such cinematic masterworks as “Boat Trip” and “Underclassman” is one of Hollywood’s sexiest stars, if not its hottest Latina working today. Forget Salma Hayek or Penelope Cruz. Roselyn Sanchez is the one you want if you’re in the mood for something saucy. Or, to be more specific, Puerto Rican.
Michelle Branch in Maxim Magazine
Michelle Branch is a singer and — well, that’s basically all I know about her. But after seeing these pictures of her in Maxim Magazine from way back in 204, maybe I should have paid more attention, such as, you know, listening to her music. Or something like that. But I digress. Here’s Michelle Branch looking insanely good in Maxim Magazine from many years past. Wonder if she still looks good now?
Hollywood Babes Love Horror Movies with a “Pulse”
There’s nothing like a good ol fashion remake of a Japanese horror movie to bring out the Hollywood babes. In the movie “Pulse”, ghostly spirits try to make their way back into the land of the living using shadows, the Internet (I knew that Internet was up to no good!), and washing machines. And the only thing that can stop them is red tape over doors and the combined powers of Kirsten Bell and Christina Milian’s washboard abs. I like our chances!
Elsa Pataky Bikini Pictures (Plus Adrien Brody)
She’s fought snakes alongside Samuel “Motherf’in Man” Jackson in “Snakes on a Plane”, and now Spanish hottie Elsa Pataky is about to tackle her most dangerous foe — telephoto lens armed paparazzi! Here’s Elsa getting snapped while at the beach and poolside in a bikini and frolicking about with (one presumes) boyfriend Adrien “I can’t tell a lie lest my nose get even bigger” Brody. Check out the look of total shock on Elsa’s face when she spots the paparazzi snapping pictures of her. Priceless!
The Lesbians of “The L Word”
I can’t say as if I’ve ever seen Showtime’s “The L Word” series, about hot lesbians in the city getting it on. Or somesuch. As I’ve never seen the show (I’m very poor, I can’t afford Showtime or HBO, give me a break), I don’t really know what it’s about except the whole lesbian part. Lesbians, man, you gotta love them. Here are the hot stars of the show doing a photoshoot for the latest season: Mia Kirshner, Sarah Shahi, and Erin Daniels.
Ivanka Trump in Stuff Magazine
For some unfathomable reason, I really dig Ivanka Trump. This, despite the fact that I know she’s never really made her own way in life, and that everything she currently has is because of Daddy Trump. Still, I’ve seen interviews with the young woman, and she comes across pretty well. Not nearly as ditzy or braindead as, say, Nicole Ritchie or Paris Hilton. In fact, Ivanka graduated from the Wharton School of Business at University of Pennsylvania, which immediately puts her about, oh, two species higher than Hilton or Ritchie. But I digress. Here’s Ivanka in the latest issue of Stuff Magazine. Classy and hot — nice.
Mary Carey Still Wants to be Your Governor
Some people enter politics to right the wrongs of society, and others see an opportunity to make a lot of money and go all corrupt on Lincoln’s ass. In the case of Mary Carey? I’m pretty sure she fits into the former category. Angelina Jolie, eat your heart out! The star of such cinematic masterpieces as “Boobsville Sorority Girls” and “Cheerleader School” says that this time (she, and everyone else on the ballot, lost to Ah-nuld last time out) she’s serious. But there’s a problem: she only has 40 of the the required 164,000 signatures to get on the ballot.
Dixie Chicks Bypass Most of Dixie on Tour
Oh, those rascally Dixie Chicks. After dissing Bush, got dumped by their country base, and now making a fierce return by intentionally (and opportunistically) resurrecting the controversy beyind their anti-Bush remarks in the name of album sales, the Chicks have realized that they no longer have a country base, or what little of it remains is not worth even holding a concert for. Which is why have dumped all of the Southern cities on their planned tour except for 4 (Nashville, Atlanta, Dallas and Austin), and will be adding dates in Australia and Canada to make up for the lost. Heck, since they’re no longer country or even seem to want to be associated with country music, why not just change their name to the Hip Hop Chicks? Or maybe Pop Chicks? Too bad Spice Girls was already taken…