20-04-2009 | Alessandra Ambrosio
Okay, so maybe these aren’t NEW new Alessandra Ambrosio Victoria’s Secret bikini modeling pictures. I think they came out a few weeks back, but for some reason I neglected to post them, probably because I’m just naturally lazy and was busy with other things, like eating or exercising or reading a book. Yes, I read books. They just happen to have lots of pictures in them. Stop judging me! Where was I? Oh right. Some new Alessandra Ambrosio bikini pictures courtesy of Victoria’s Secret. Oh, Victoria’s Secret, is there no end to your giving? Bless you.
So what’s worst than Monday? Having to drag yourself out of bed and get into that shower (which is always too damn cold, am I right or am I right?), then trudge on over to the bar and begin the long, long drive to work, all the while knowing that you have to do this four more times before the week is over and the weekend is here again. Yup, Mondays suck. But you know what doesn’t suck? Alessandra Ambrosio bikini pictures from back when she was somewhere doing the bikini thing and someone was there to snap the pictures. God bless whoever invented the camera. You rock, man, you really rock.
Alessandra Ambrosio would like you kids out there to know that Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr aren’t the only Victoria’s Secret supermodels to be hitting the beach over the weekend, as she spent the weekend doing likewise, showing off that certain something that has made her millions over the years. I’m of course talking about her brains. Isn’t that what all supermodels are known for? Their brains? Okay, sorry, even I can’t keep going with that, that’s how ridiculous it sounded. Anyways, here’s Alessandra Ambrosio getting all bikini-licious and probably getting a man or two slapped in the face as they inadvertently stared for too long and got caught by their girlfriend or wife. Sorry, boys, but what hurts you doesn’t hurt me none!
So in case you missed it (what are you, stupid?), the Victoria’s Secret fashion show brought its whiz-bang over to Miami Beach for one of those exclusive fashion shows where hot girls dress up in lingerie and pretend they want to do you. All of you. Even Slow Johnny, who can barely answer the phone without vomiting. Anyhoo. So, while in Miami Beach, the Victoria’s Secret angels decided to go out for a walk on the beach. In matching white two-piece bikinis. Okay, so it was more like another crass commercial photoshoot, but am I complaining? Hell no! There were way too many angels there to get them all, but all the major ones were there, including Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel. So what do you do when you have these many hot girls in bikinis at the same place? Well, trying to get them all into your eyeball would just damage your eyeballs beyond reason, so let’s play “Find the Victoria’s Secret Angel with the tramp stamp!” One of them has it. Can you name her? I bet you can’t!
When you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you basically have one job: sell, sell, sell. Sell what? Um, whatever it is they think of to sell, which could be anything from undies you can eat to machineguns. Okay, so Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell machineguns just yet, but trust me, it’s only a matter of time. (Yeah, right, like you guys wouldn’t buy an assault rifle if Miranda Kerr was holding it in an ad — while dress in her undies, of course. Two, please!) So with the holidays on the horizon, the Victoria’s Secret girls are out in force doing what they do best — selling the brand. Now normally this many hot women in one place would give me the vapors something awful, but since I’m not a Southern Belle, I’ll just have to deal with it. Present and accounted for are Heidi Klum, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr. (I think there is one girl there who I haven’t seen before…) 
How do you think people reacted when they first introduced supermodels? I bet it went something like this: “Wait, what? You want me to pay more than usual for a girl who you’re telling me is actually more famous than my clothing brand? Are you kidding me? Who is this girl, can she fly? Why do you call her a SUPERmodel?” Okay, so maybe it didn’t go anywhere like that, but you know, probably something like that. Anyhoo. Where was I? Oh right. Victoria’s Secret is doing their Supermodel Obsession campaign at the moment, and here is Alessandra Ambrosio from the current catalog. Can you blame anyone from being obsessive about those legs, eyes, and lips? I think not! Having said that: remember, guys, no stalking! 
Gisele Bundchen keeps banging the athletes, Heidi Klum keeps banging out those commercials, and Adriana Lima keeps banging men’s heads into walls by claiming she’s still a virgin, and all Alessandra Ambrosio does is bang out the magazine covers and spreads left and right. By the ends of their career, I’m willing to bet Ambrosio will be the one sitting on top of the magazine pile. Then again, can a supermodel’s success be measured by the sheer number of magazine appearances? If so, then Alessandra will probably win hands down. Seriously, the girl shows up in more magazines looking all kinds of fine than I spend time checking my email hoping Kristen Bell finally emails me back to accept my invitation to spend a night in my basement. (Anyday now…) Anyhoo. Here’s Alessandra Ambrosio in Genlux.
Seeing not one, not two, but three two-piece bikini-clad Victoria’s Secret supermodels frolicking about on the beach while holding onto each other as if they’re afraid they might get wash away by the tide reminds me of a dream I once had, where I woke up all sweaty and cursing the sun. If you absolutely must ask what they’re doing here, I would wager a guess and say it’s some kind of photoshoot for Victoria’s Secret bikinis. Mind you, if you have to ask in the first place, you’re probably at the wrong site, because frankly, what does it matter what they’re doing, and for what purposes. It’s Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Miranda Kerr all bikini-ed out and prancing around on a beach. Dude, seriously? You wanna know the background to this? 
Alessandra Ambrosio is generally considered the lesser known of the Brazilian supermodels. She’s nearly as prolific, if not more so, then her fellow Brazilians Gisele Bundchen and Adriana “Wonder Virgin” Lima when it comes to magazine covers and general photo work, but you’ll be hardpressed to find too many Joe Blow Public who knows her by face. Well it’s their loss, because as this appearance on the cover and inside the pages of Ocean Drive magazine proves, Alessandra Ambrosio is one smoking hot Brazilian, and deserves to be more well known. Or maybe she should just date a famous athlete. That usually does it.
Gisele Bundchen makes too damn much money for doing very little. Or at least I don’t see her doing very much, but it’s not like I’m stalking her or anything. Anyways, she must be doing something right, because the girl pulled in a whopping $33 million in the last 12 months, according to 
Brazilian Victoria’s Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio is great for Mondays, at the start of a new week when you don’t think anything good can possibly happen. But what am I talking about. Alessandra Ambrosio is good to go (especially in a bikini!) on any day, but especially on a lazy, boring Monday. If you thought you knew everything about Alessandra, you’re wrong. Here’s something for the water cooler: When she was 13, Alessandra once brought a runaway bull down with a slingshot armed with a pecan. True story.
What better way to come out of Christmas Day then a fine Brazilian woman with legs that go on forever and ever and ever? Yes, that’s right, I’m speaking off — well, really, you can say that I’m speaking off about 100 Brazilian supermodels, but for right now the woman in question is Alessandra Ambrosio. Victoria’s Secret secret, Sports Illustrated, and just looking downright fine in a two-piece bikini. Which, when you think about it, is really all the requirements of a supermodel. That, and being able to walk in a straight line, which is really important.
A sea of hotties on a Tuesday night? Why not? Here’s Alessandra Ambrosio, Ana Beatriz Barros, Gisele Bundchen, Adriana Lima, Karolina Kurkova, Caroline Trentini, Flavia De Oliveira, Heather Marks, Selita Ebanks, Jessica Stam, Izabel Goulart, Katja Shchekina, Raquel Zimmerman, and Julia Stegner doing the Victoria’s Secret 2006 fashion show. In their underoos. Really, really sexy underoos. Dear God, I think I’m in love. Like, every other second, I mean. ‘Nuff said.
I guess part of being an underwear model is liking underwear. And bras. And apparently supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio really likes bras, as can be seen in these pictures, where she’s modelling bras and what looks like a statue of a crystal butterfly (?) for the camera. She looks really into it, too. Too into it, in fact. Mind you, there’s nothing hotter than a girl into what she’s doing, which would make Alessandra really, really hot. Statue notwithstanding.
Underwear models. You gotta love them. If we showed up for work in our underwear, we’d get fired; if these girls show up for work in their undies, they get bonuses for being prepared! Here’s Alessandra Ambrosio, looking damn fine and wearing her underwear. You think being an underwear model means she doesn’t like to wear underwear when she’s not working? You know, how masseuse don’t like to give free massages when they’re not working? It’s like, “Look, that’s my job, and this is my personal life, and never the two shall meet.” It’s thoughts like these that keep me up at nights…