Cause, obviously, you had no idea. Right? Here’s his Rolling Stones cover, in which he discloses his stunning confession, via JustJared, due out on stands tomorrow.

Hear that big sigh of relief? That’s the American Idol people thanking God the Kris Allen dude won.
Continue reading...1 April 2009
Goodbye, Megan Joy Corkrey. We knew it would happen, but of course we didn’t expect the goofy behavior on tonight’s episode. Still, we will surely miss Megan Joy Corkrey’s chicken dancing style, those throaty pipes, and those God ugly tattoos. Yes, they’re ugly. I don’t know how a girl this hot ever decided to slap on tattoos that ugly all along her arm, but she did it. I bet it’s all dad’s fault. Oh well, Megan Joy Corkrey has been eliminated from American Idol as of today, and the show is suckier for it. So who am I going to be lusting after now? Maybe Paula, if she can lay off the booze, or Kara, but maybe that’s just too much bitch for me. Hey, we’ll see.
31 March 2009
Megan Joy didn’t get the best comments from the judges last week during Motown Week, but our tattooed hottie survived nonetheless. This week it’s — um, I forgot. I think there’s another theme week, I think they do this every week, but you know, I tune in and out of the show. Usually I just watch it for the hot chicks, which in this case means watching it for Megan Joy, since the only other hot chick was kicked off last week. So basically, yeah, this is it, if Megan gets kicked off the show, I’m also off American Idol. Hey, it’s a tough choice, but it’s either watching a bad singing competition or waxing, and I love my waxing. Anyhoo, more Megan Joy and her ugly tattoos, including the ones on her wrists and feet. Who tattoos their feet?
11 March 2009
Megan Joy Corkrey, officially now just Megan Joy, it would appear, is the sexiest girl with the ugliest tattoo you’ll see on American Idol. Last year there was that Irish chick, but let’s face it, she wasn’t nearly as hot as Megan. Last night Megan did “Rockin’ Robin” as her Michael Jackson song. It was, er, really weird, but she was really hot, and the song was kinda cool anyways. I wish she would cover up that right arm and stop the goofy dancing, though. I mean, there’s nothing worst than a hot girl who can’t dance. Yow. More Megan Joy for your ogling pleasure.
12 February 2009
Yes, I’ll admit it. I watch American Idol. But, in my defense, it’s only because my girlfriend loves this stuff, which is rather amazing, as I don’t even have a girlfriend, and if I did, she lives in Canada and nowhere near my house, which is why you’ve never met her. But I digress. Here are the five American Idol contestants (yes, I’m just talking about the women, and yes, they all have to be of age, what are you, a pervert?) that I think are worth obsessing over come the live telecast shows. There were, apparently, 18 women who made it to the Top 36, but not all of them are worth our near stalker-ish devotion, but these five certainly are.
20 January 2009
I don’t know who is running the show over there at American Idol this year, but they sure are doing a lot of things right. First, adding the really hot fourth judge certainly helps. How many times can you look at Simon Cowell’s man nipples, Paula Abdul’s utterly insane eyes, and Randy Jackson’s stupid stupidity before you get fed up? In Season 8, the producers have spiced up the show with a new, hot judge and they’re showing off a ton of really easy-on-the-eyes contestants, including the aforementioned former bikini model turned singer Casey Carlson, and of course, Katrina Darrell. Who is Katrina Darrell? She’s the girl who went to the audition in a two-piece bikini. Yeah, it takes a lot of gumption to do that, kids. Gumption and a hot body, of course. Looking forward to more of that bikini — er, I mean, her singing voice!
15 January 2009
If you were watching American Idol last night, you might have noticed an incredibly cute girl with a great voice named Casey Carlson. Okay, maybe you noticed, but your eyes didn’t bug out by how hot she was. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault, your eyes are just fine. The problem is that Casey Carlson was wearing way too much clothing during the audition. But apparently it wasn’t always that way, because Casey Carlson used to be a bikini model, and once upon a time she modeled for the site Campus Girls USA in a swimsuit and bikini, and yes, I think you can guess which pictures we’re going to be going for, the swimsuit or the bikini? Um, let’s see. Yeah, let’s go with the bikini pics. Oh my! Check out more of Casey in her half-naked best over at Campus Girls USA.
27 May 2008
It’s good to be David Cook. After just recently wiping the floor with that little snot nose punk Archuleta, Cook is now dating former American Idol and all-around Texas babe Kimberly Caldwell. Or at least that’s what Cook announced to the world this Tuesday on “Live With Regis and Kelly”. According to Cook, he and the blonde babe (check out some of her old Maxim pics below from a few years back) recently went out on a date after hooking up via Caldwell’s American Idol-based TV show on the TV Guide network, and says Cook, they’ll probably be “hanging out” again. Wow, is that what the kids are calling it now, “hanging out”? Dammit, I should have gone to that AI audition when they came around last year. Heck, I’m sure I would have won. My version of “I Will Survive” is killer, or so I’ve been told.
21 May 2008
Um, remember when I said that American Idol was predictable, and that there was no way in hell David Archuleta wouldn’t win the current season of American Idol? I believe I even referenced my deity at that time. Well, um, I was wrong. David Cook has been named the American Idol champ with a staggering 12% difference in votes. Wow. This, even after Simon Cowell basically gave the title to Archuleta and thumbed his nose at David Cook’s song selections. How does that Humble Pie taste, Simon? Har har. Check out David Cook’s performances from last night’s show. I’m shocked as hell he won, but not entirely unhappy. The dude was just the better singer, let’s face it.
14 May 2008
I said this last week, and I’ll repeat here for your edification: “Syesha, the last girl standing, will be gone by next week, leaving the two Davids. And with the kids still voting, Archuleta’s got this thing sown up.” And guess what? As I predicted, Syesha was knocked off tonight, leaving the girly man and the grown-up alt rocker. Next week you can take it to the bank: The girly man will win. Why? Because I said so, and like the title says, I am God. Isn’t that enough? No? Dammit. Okay, because it’s obvious. How about that? The last few weeks of American Idol have been as predictable as Britney Spears’ little sister getting knocked up.
7 May 2008
Bye bye, Jason Castro. The dreadlocked one was booted from American Idol earlier today, leaving only three finalists vying for the Season 7 AI crown. They are: David Cook, David Archuleta and Syesha Mercado. If I had to pick a winner, I would go with David Cook, but I have a sneaking suspicion (call me crazy) that the little tyke David Archuleta will come out on top without even a contest. The kid hasn’t been even close to being eliminated this year, and he’s not going to be in the next three weeks. Syesha, the last girl standing, will be gone by next week, leaving the two Davids. And with the kids still voting, Archuleta’s got this thing sown up. How predictable, American Idol.
2 April 2008
Personally, I blame it on the Godawful wardrobe she wears day in and day out. Seriously, where is Ramiele Malubay going, exactly, to her senior prom in the ’80s??? But I digress. I’m one to talk fashion; I have less clothes sense than Simon Cowell, who has none. In any case, the midget dynamite known as Ramiele Malubay was eliminated from American Idol today, with the unfathomably bubbly Brooke White surviving, and hot country gal Kristy Lee Cook once again escaping the scythe of The Seacrest, thanks to her unnatural hotness. (Who says Idol is all about talent?) Here’s our tribute to Ramiele. Good God, girl, get someone to dress you or something. Cripes.
26 March 2008
See ya, Chikezie, we hardly knew ye. Well, we didn’t really want to know ye, ye not being a smoking hot female and all, but you know, it was fun while it lasted, right? Although I would think having to sit through Simon’s incessant comparisons to theme park or cabaret or cruise line singers would drive a person nuts. And then there’s Randy incredibly non-committal criticisms; dude, tell them if they’re bad or not without wavering and covering it up with ridiculously run-on sentences, you chicken shit. Plus, don’t even get me started on Paula’s barely-lucid blah blah blahs. Seriously, why do they even allow Paula to talk at all? That girl is so high every episode it’s ridiculous. In any case, with Chikezie knocked off the show, here’s our tribute to him. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about more pictures of Kristy Lee Cook. Good God, that is one awesome hot girl.
26 March 2008
American Idol re-commences tonight with yet another elimination show, which means the remaining 10 contestants may have survived this far, and gets the pleasure of going on tour later on (cha-ching?), but after tonight, there will only be nine left. Who will it be? Kristy Lee Cook got all patriotic in a bid to stay, but David Cook blew the door off the barn with his rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. Seriously, wow, I only heard the last minute of that song and wow, it was still spectacular. In any case, while you’re waiting for the show to start (that Godawful “Moment of Truth” show is currently on, Jesus, what a wart on society that show is), check out some glamour shots of the girls that made it into the American Idol Top 12.
21 March 2008
Ramiele Malubay is less known as the Filipino-American girl in the Top 10 of the current season of American Idol as she is the very short and way-too-emotional girl on American Idol. Seriously, has there ever been an elimination show that the girl didn’t cry during? But she’s got a voice on her, that much we’re sure off, but what are her chances of winning American Idol’s seventh season? I don’t know, she could win, but it’s looking more and more like that David kid’s to lose. FYI: Ramiele Malubay was born in Saudi Arabia, but grew up in the United States, and was raised in Florida.
20 March 2008
America has renewed my faith in our inherent ability to fall for a pretty face, if last night’s American Idol is any indication. Yes, it’s true what you heard, despite landing in the Bottom Three once more, Kristy Lee Cook survives to enter the American Idol Top 10 and automatic inclusion into the American Idol Tour (that’s a good thing, right?). Instead, motorcyle-ridin’ Amanda Overmyer got bounced. So what does this say about us, the American reality show viewing audience? Um, for one, we like a pretty girl, and for two, we don’t like girls with skunk haircuts. But hey, I’m not complaining. This just means one more week of Kristy Lee Cook looking all sexy and whatnot onstage tryin’ her darnest. Either way, it’s win-win, baby.
18 March 2008
Is this the last week for our beloved country gal Kristy Lee Cook? Quite possibly. I’m sorry to say, but Kristy has been skating by on her looks these past few weeks, and I’m afraid today’s performance might just be the final nail in the not-as-talented-as-we-all-originally-thought coffin. And I hate to say it, too, being a big fan of Kristy’s ever since she auditioned in whatever city it was that she got picked up for the show. Oh, who am I kidding, she hasn’t been good since Hollywood week. She’s been downright awful, and as good as she looks, I don’t know if even the boys out there could keep voting for her. So I’m going to make a big prediction: This is Kristy Lee Cook’s last week on American Idol. But God, is she hot…
12 March 2008
Seriously, wow, the best performance of the night last night without a doubt. Who knew an Irish lass could generate that much funk? Carly Smithson’s rendition of “Come Together” by the Beatles was just so awesome. If she doesn’t sail through to next week, there is something seriously wrong with America and the American Idol voting base. She was so damn good I just stopped listening to everyone else for the night. No wonder Simon has been getting on her about singing the “right” song, and she’s been disappointing him throughout the competition. But last night? So good I wanted to punch myself.
7 March 2008
Yes, I admit it. I watch American Idol for more than just Kristy Lee Cook’s insanely long and lean body and Amanda Overmyer’s insane skunk of a hair. I actually like the show. I can’t help it, I’m just soft that way. So what happened last night? Two girls and two boys got knocked off, leaving the Top 12. And yes, Kristy Lee Cook is one of them, despite a very poor performance yesterday. And who got kicked off? Asia’h Epperson and Kady Malloy, who Simon keeps accusing of having no personality. I think she does have personality; it’s just, well, not all that great personality. She does this really weird thing with her face, a sort of smirk, that’s just, well, not very pretty. Asia’h, on the other hand, I’m sorry to see go. She was a really great girl. And Kristy, as much as I like her, wow, totally doesn’t deserve to still be there…
4 March 2008
Wow, this is interesting news. Or “rumor”, if you will. The current fire going across the internet is that current American Idol contestant David Hernandez is gay, and not only that, but used to be a former gay stripper at a nightclub in Phoenix, Arizona! Now mind you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but of all the contestants on AI that would be accused of “playing for the other team”, aren’t there, like, 5 other guys who basically acts gay? (Yes, Danny Noriega, I’m looking at you, dude.) As far as I can recall, Hernandez looked pretty straight. But hey, who am I to talk, I have no inkling of gaydar to speak off. Find more about David Hernandez’s maybe-maybe not gay past below.
9 June 2009