Angelina Jolie as Ava in “Sin City 2″?
Or at least, Angelina Jolie wants to, according to this. If directors Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez does cast her, Jolie would play Ava, the female lead in Miller’s graphic novel “A Dame to Kill For”, which follows a loser named Dwight (played by Clive Owen in the original “Sin City”) as he’s framed for murder by his ex-lover, Ava. In the past, Rodriguez and Miller wanted Jolie for the role, but she was pregnant with Brad Pitt’s demon spawn, so she couldn’t do the role. But now that she’s all skinny and hot again — why not? Best part about this news if Jolie actually takes the role? In the comics, Ava is naked — A LOT. High five!
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Tours Vietnam on Thanksgiving
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie decided to spend Thanksgiving cruising around Vietnam on a motorbike instead of eating turkey with their kids. I’m assuming their kids weren’t with them, since, you know, they’re on a motorbike and all, and there isn’t any place to put the kids. Then again, those aren’t really their kids, except for the one, so, um, I really don’t know where I’m going with this, except that it’s kind of cute and funny to see Pitt and Jolie chugging around Vietnam on a motorbike. I mean, come on, this is hilarious stuff. You can’t make this celebrity crap up!
Cambodians Think Angelina Jolie is an Indian Giver
How dare a bunch of lowlifes in Cambodia smear Angelina Jolie’s good name? Why, she’s basically bought and PR whored her way to Mother Teresa status in the last few years! Apparently the charity outfit Cambodian Vision in Development (CVD) doesn’t agree, and are threatening to sue Jolie for not paying up a couple of mil in charity funds she promised, and for libel against some not-so-kind things “her people” has said about them. Jolie’s excuse? She, Pitt, and “their people” said that their aid work were “moving on to a new level,” which is the kind of gobbly-gook speech that only makes sense in Hollywood.
No More Simulated Sex for Angelina Jolie?
I knew Angelina Jolie’s Mother Teresa goin’ ways would soon have a negative impact on the rest of us. Jolie has recently said that she will no longer be doing any “racy scenes” in movies, thanks to her present status as a mom of three and marriage to Brad “Too Lucky to be Alive” Pitt. Anyways, Jolie is currently in India shooting “A Mighty Heart”, about the killing of U.S. Journalist Daniel Pearl by one of those misunderstood terrorists Hollywood and George Clooney loves so much. See, I knew all that galloping across the globe doing good was going to come back and kick us in the ass, guys. No more “Original Sin” or “Gia”? Now I gotta watch an Angelina Jolie movie for the — gasp — acting???? Say it ain’t so, Angie!
Madonna May or May Not Have Adopted an African Kid
So depending on who you believe, faux British singer/actress/attention whore Madonna may or may not have adopted a 1-year old African kid from the African nation of Malawi this week. Malawi officials say Madonna has “selected” (whatever the hell that means) a kid from a group of 12 (what did they do, line these poor kids up against a wall for her to choose?), but Madonna’s rep says she didn’t adopt anyone, but is just in Malawi to help build orphangages and probably fondle herself while hanging from a cross or some such. Because, you know, that’s who I think of when I need to hammer in some nails and shingles — friggin Madonna.
Fake U.S. Agent Nabbed for Trying to Guard Jolie’s Body
Some people will do anything to get close to Angelina Jolie, like this dummy, who posed as a Homeland Security Agent in order to get a job providing security for Mother Teresa Version 2.0 and her Boy Toy Brad Pitt. Nelson Mercado tried to get a job at the security company that works for Jolie by flashing some fake Department of Homeland Security creds and rolling around in a black-tinted Ford Crown Victoria registered to “U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security of America” because, you know, he didn’t want to be confused with the “U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security of France” or somesuch.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are Still Better Than You
Thank God for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, or else New Orleans and the rest of Louisiana would never get fixed after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. After all, before Brad and Angie came on the scene, the Government wasn’t sending billions down there only to get the money siphoned off into the pockets of crooked politicians; likewise, no charity events were being held, no concerts, no relief work by your regular average citizens — Oh wait. But, but, you know, it’s not the same as building a greenie house for those poor folks, though! Yeah, that’s it!
Angelina Jolie’s New Tattoo
Hot as hell, but also crazier than hell, is how you can properly describe Angelina Jolie. I don’t blame Brad Pitt for dumping Jennifer Aniston for her (”Jen” as her friends call her has always looked like a sour puss to me, and probably has all the energy of roadkill in bed), and I bet Jolie does all kinds of nutty (in a good way) things in bed. Then again, I think Angelina Jolie is just friggin crazy, and one day this woman is going to snap, tear off her clothes, and start climbing the Empire States Building and swatting at planes. Anyways, US Weekly just figured out that Angelina Jolie has gotten herself a new tattoo. Read on…
Brangelina Saves Nambia from Extinction
Who even knew that Nambia existed until Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt decided to grace that miserable country with their angelic presences? I know I didn’t! (I’m being facetious, so don’t write me hate mail, you dumb kids.) Besides humping like bunnies on the beach, you ever wondered what the two crazy kids were doing over there? Besides meeting with the locals and snapping pictures and getting reporters thrown in jail, I mean. And oh yeah, that humping like bunnies on the beach thing, too. Take a look at these pictures: Angelina looks preggers and happy, but Brad just looks confused. (He’s not the only one; I bet his agents back in the States are wondering what the hell he is doing in Africa as much as we are.) Is Angelina poon tang really worth all this, Brad? Oh what am I talking about. Hell yeah it is!
Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie Revealed to the World. Sorta.
If you’re one of those people who are waiting desperately to see what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s baby, Shiloh Nouvel, looks like, then get a life! Failing that, here’s the picture of baby Shiloh for your gossip consumption — oops, wait! No there isn’t! Psyche. Well, actually, it’s not my fault or anybody else’s, except that People Magazine paid a pretty ass penny for the picture, and I’m sure their lawyers are firing off “cease and desist” letters all day today to all the Internet gossip bloggers threatening hellfire and brimstone unless these pictures are pulled from all the websites that were showing them. Having paid a reported $4 mil for the pic and all, can you blame them? Anyways, here’s my impression of what Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie looks like:
Baby Brangelina Makes her Debut
Looks like those crazy, too-handsome-to-be-real-human-beings Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally landed their first real baby (i.e. no one they didn’t steal from an orphange somewhere) and her name is … Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt! Ooooh boy. Well, at least it’s a girl, and girls named “Shiloh” probably won’t get picked on too much, especially if they’re going to turn out to look anything like mommy and daddy. Assuming, of course, that Angelina didn’t screw around on Braddy. But I digress.
Angelina Jolie is Tiger-rific
You ever wonder how Angelina Jolie, who is insanely tatted everywhere, ended up wanting to become the next Mother Teresa? Remember, this is the woman who put Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a bottle and carried it around with her in a necklace. Shouldn’t she be worshipping the Devil instead of helping starved children in Africa? The world is either going nuts or Angelina Jolie is the ultimate cunundrum. Anyhoo, check out the tiger tattoo on her back. Wonder if Mother Teresa had one just like it…
Angelina Jolie is the People’s Most Beautiful Person in the World
In their infinite wisdom, People Magazine has named Angelina Jolie their “Most Beautiful People In the Whole Wide World and Then Some”. Or something like that. What I want to know is, where was my ballot, because I didn’t cast any damn votes, and I don’t know anyone who has. I sense conspiracy. Anyways, check out some pictures of the World’s Most Beautiful Person, before she went and got all preggers on us, by reading on…
Angelina Jolie Signs on to Tomb Raider 3
Well it looks like Mrs. Brad Pitt will be squeezing back into the spandex and gunbelt after she squirts out Brad Pitt’s lovechild, since Jolie has been confirmed as coming back for a third “Lara Croft” movie. I guess this means Karima Adebibe is going to stick to doing PR photoshoots for the videogame version. Too bad, I’d like to see what Karima could do on the big screen.
Brad Pitt is the Luckiest Man in the World
Wanna know why? Just click on the link below and find out. My God, the man must have been Buddha in his previous life to get this kind of women. Damn you Brad Pitt and your super/unnatural good lucks!
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Set to Marry?
That’s the big buzz all around the Internet this last few weeks, that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are set to get hitched real soon, maybe at George Clooney’s villa over in Italy. My guess is that this is a red herring. They’ll probably get married earlier than that to throw the press off balance. Whatever. Who cares, right? Here’s Angelina Jolie showing her love for grass. And tattoos. The girl really seems to like tattoos.
Angelina Jolie in Marie Claire Magazine
Angelina Jolie is pretty in white in Marie Claire magazine. It’s a pretty classy spread, too. Mind you, not that that means it’s not hot, because Angelina Jolie just sitting around eating cake is hot.
Angelina Jolie is Friggin Sexy
I’m not really sure what photoshoot these pics are from, but hot damn, is Angelina Jolie just smoking or what? Christ! No wonder Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for her. Compared to this woman, Aniston is plain!
Angelina Jolie Almost Nude in Vanity Fair
Who the hell is this Tom Ford guy, and how did he manage to convince all these hot actresses like Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, and now Angelina Jolie to drop their clothes for him? The man is God! Here’s Angelina Jolie showing some major butt crack while soaking in a tub (turn over, Angie!) in the upcoming Hollywood edition of Vanity Fair.
Jessica Alba Tops AskMen.com’s Top 99 Women of 2006
AskMen.com recently did their annual Top 99 women of the year, and screen siren Jessica Alba topped the list this year. Coming in second was British hottie Sienna Miller, followed by Angelina Jolie at #3.