Beyonce Knowles in Jack Magazine
Beyonce Knowles knows Jack. Er, magazine. Or maybe is that, Jack Magazine knows Beyonce Knowles. Either/or, right? In any case, wow, whoever had control of the airbrush went a little crazy over there on these pictures. Beyonce Knowles is a naturally beautiful girl already, but they had to erase pretty much every little smudge on the girl’s face and body until she’s nearly unrecognizable in some of the pictures. What exactly were they dealing with here, the hunchback of Notre Dame? Damn! That’s some massive airbrushing. Anyways. Yeah, it’s Beyonce Knowles in Jack. Still hot, though, in an artificial sort of way.
Beyonce vs. Ali Larter in Obsessed
In the new movie “Obsessed”, Ali Larter plays a temp secretary who becomes obsessed (hence the title) with her boss, who is married to Beyonce Knowles. As I understand it, it’s a very “Fatal Attraction” type of affair, so that would have to mean the husband (played by some dude name Idris Elba) would probably have to get himself a taste of both Beyonce and Ali Larter. Hmm, tough job, but someone’s gotta do it! (Then again, they could cheat and not go the “Fatal Attraction” route (i.e. the extra-marital sex), which would just suck all around. So, Beyonce and Ali Larter. Who would YOU pick? Let the competition begin!
Video: A Lip-Syncing Beyonce Falls in Concert
So in case you didn’t hear, Beyonce Knowles recently did a concert in Orlando, and took a major nosedive down a couple of flight of stairs during a song. She was a real trooper, though, and popped right back up in character. But what most people sort of missed was the fact that Beyonce was apparently still singing while she was nose-diving face-first! I.e. she was lip-syncing when the fall happened! Either that, or Beyonce has an amazing ability to sing AND fall at the same time! Which might be possible if you planned it, but not when it’s a freak accident. Which explains why Sony is desperately going around having the videos pulled from YouTube. Can’t have people know that their star lip-syncs in concert now, can they?
TMZ vs. Al Sharpton Over Beyonce’s Roboho — WHO YA GOT???
Al Sharpton has problems with TMZ calling Beyonce Knowles’ get-up in the recent BET Awards “roboho” over two weeks ago, and he’s demanding an apology, or maybe blood. You can never tell with Sharpton. To make his point, Sharpton and his National Action Network will be going on a 20-city tour featuring 100 women in each market on August 7th to protest the use of the word “ho” as well as the “N” and “B” words. I’m pretty sure you can figure out what “N” and “B” starts and ends with. Can’t you? And yes, this is as important as Paris Hilton out of prison, but it’s fun to report anyways.
Beyonce Knowles in Vibe Magazine
Beyonce Knowles in a wet shirt should really be something to celebrate, but for some reason this spread by Beyonce Knowles in Vibe Magazine doesn’t do it for me. I don’t know what it is about these pictures, but they just don’t pop off the pages. How do you manage to turn a sexy woman like Beyonce Knowles into a kinda blah looking model? Someone definitely needs a kick in the butkus for this fubar. Especially the second picture. What’s that about? Beyonce looks like she’s getting ready to go to sleep.
Beyonce in Sports Illustrated’s 2007 Swimsuit Issue
You gotta love the Internet. That is, unless you’re an old lady who still lives in her eskimo hut in Alaska. Other than that, you gotta love the Internet. Take, for instance, Beyonce Knowles being in (and on the cover of) the 2007 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I first blogged about it very, very earlier today, the cover hit the Internet a few hours later, and now, half a day later, the rest of Beyonce’s SI spread also arrives on the ‘net. I mean, come on, that’s efficiency, baby! God bless the Internet and God bless Al Gore for inventing it. (Or at least that’s what Al Gore tells me…)
Beyonce is the 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Girl
If you were watching Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” yesterday (Tuesday), you probably saw Jay and Masi Oka (of “Heroes” fame — Yatta!!!) introduce the new 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover girl, and it’s (drumroll, please!) Beyonce Knowles! So in case you forgot to renew your Sports Illustrated subscription, it’s time to get that done now, boyos. Or you could just wait until the swimsuit issue comes and buy that. Personally I’d do that because, well, it’s cheaper and junk. And yes, in case you were wondering, I only tuned into Jay Leno last night to wait for Conan, because as everyone knows, Conan rocks, etc, etc.
Beyonce Knowles is the Most Desirable Women of 2007
Beyonce Knowles is 2007’s most desirable woman in the whole wide cosmos. Or at least that’s according to AskMen.com, which recently put out the Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2007. Knowles topped the list thanks to 8.5 million voters cast on the website. And who exactly did our “Dreamgirls” Dream Girl topped? How about Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Adriana Lima, Jessica Biel, Alessandra Ambrosio, Shakira, Maria Menounos Angelina Jolie, and Elisha Cuthbert. Now that is a list worth topping! (If you know what I mean, and I think you do. Hint hint, wink wink, and all that junk.)
Beyonce and Eva Longoria Wants to be Lesbian Lovers
There are rumors (mostly from the Eva Longoria and Beyonce themselves) that they are planning to adapt the lesbian romance novel “Tipping the Velvet” by Sarah Waters into a movie starring themselves as lesbian lovers in Victorian England. There was actually a British mini-series based on the same novel from a few years back, and as I recall, it was pretty explicit. I don’t think Longoria and Beyonce will get nearly that explicit in their movie (if it ever gets made, which is highly doubtful), but you know, that isn’t going to stop me from fantasizing about it. I mean, come on, I’m just a guy, after all.
Beyonce in Blender Magazine
You gotta figure that dumping those other two girls in “Destiny’s Child” was the best thing Beyonce Knowles her did. After all, I doubt if Beyonce would look this good in Blender Magazine if she had those other two draped all over her. It’s kind of hard to be the center of attention with two girls hogging the spotlight. Mind you, not that I’m saying Beyonce is a camera hog, but you know, famous people didn’t become famous because they hate the attention, if you know what I mean.
Beyonce 2006 VMA Performance of “Ring the Alarm”
Girls. I swear, the things they do to make us boys happy, God bless them. Here’s Beyonce looking incredible at the 2006 MTV VMAs, performing “Ring the Alarm” onstage in the kind of get-up that makes Jay-Z the happiest man in the world. Seriously, folks, I don’t know what this Jay-Z guy did in a past life, because he’s living right. Now if only someone can explain to me how in the world Beyonce not only squeezed into this outfit, but managed to dance, sing, and gyrate sexily in it, I got a dollar for ya. Okay, make that two dollars. (I really gotta know…)
Beyonce Gets Bootylicious in Miami
Even more pics of former “Destiny Child’s” frontwoman Beyonce getting her booty bikini on in a posh Miami hotel. Lucky for us, an intripid photographer knew where she was and was well hidden enough to snap these pictures of Beyonce in a bikini at the hotel poolside. But seriously, folks, only celebrities would equate wearing a big ass cowboy hat to the pool as going incognito. In fact, who the hell wears a cowboy hat while in the pool???
Beyonce Knowles and her Hair on the Beach
Holy Mother of God. What the hell is going on here with Beyonce Knowles’ hair? Jesuits! Anyways, here’s the singing Goddess on a Miami beach with boyfriend Jay-Z, who conveniently keeps his flabby gut hidden behind one uuuuuugly looking shirt. Shouldn’t hip-hop moguls have better taste in clothes? I guess not.
Beyonce Knowles in Maxim Magazine
Some early pictures of “Destiny Child’s” Beyonce Knowles in the upcoming April 2006 edition of Maxim Magazine. Nothing overly sexy; kinda disappointing in their tameness, actually, certainly nothing Maxim is known for. I guess they sacrificed their usual sex for the privilege of getting Beyonce in her first men’s magazine. More as the spread surfaces!