Britney Spears is Kinda Hot Again
Trust me, kids, I’m just as slack-jawed shock as you are that I’m saying this, but yeah, it’s true: Britney Spears is kinda hot again. I don’t know if it’s a religious exercise diet, a nice medical surgeon, or a combination of the two, but Britney Spears seems to have cast aside her disasterous Video Music Awards appearance of a few years ago and got herself in shape enough to slip back into the tight black leather pants for the music video “Womanizer”, which I believe is about me, because, you know, I like to play the ladies. Hey, don’t hate the playa, hate the game, as my main main P. Diddy used to say. Me and Diddy are real tight, doncha know. Anyways, Britney Spears looking kinda hot again in the music video for “Womanizer”, pics and video forth with. The song, on the other hand, sucks donkey balls.
South Park Kills Britney Spears
Leave it to South Park to do what the rest of America has been trying to do — kill Britney Spears. Of course, also leave it to Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make us feel all kinds of crap about how we’re treating Britney. Yup, in the second episode of the show’s 12 (!!!) season, Britney Spears escapes to South Park, where the paparazzi follows her and drives her to shoot herself with a shotgun. Well, actually, Kenny, Cartman, Stan, and Kyle sort of push her to blow her brains out in a motel, but you get the point. But instead of dying, Britney Spears continues to live with half of her head blown up. No, seriously. The whole episode was less funny than it was, well, kind of weird.
Britney Spears Back in the Day…
Wow. Britney Spears from back in the day. Am I the only one who looks at pictures such as these, from 2003, and think, “Wow, I never saw it coming”? Remember when Britney was all coy about her sexuality? Was she a virgin? Did Justin Timberlake pop that cherry? Then all of a sudden she’s squirting out kids like there’s no tomorrow, she’s shaving her head, and she’s going around Los Angeles with her cooch displayed to the world. But back in the day, wow, Britney Spears was something. No wonder we were all so interested in her back then. How could you not be with pictures like these?
Britney Spears’ Animated Break the Ice Music Video
What, another Britney Spears posting? Yeah, I know, right? I haven’t made this many Britney Spears post in a given week since that time she put out her cigarette on her kid’s bald head, ran into some paparazzi with her car, and decided to go for a haircut. Oh wait, maybe that was a bad dream I had. Or was it? Anyhoo. Here’s Britney Spears’ latest attempt to gain some musical credibility — the new animated music video for her song “Break the Ice”. I like the anime style of the video; it’s great when you can just animate away your white trashiness, ain’t it?
Britney Spears to Guest Star on How I Met Your Mother
Not content to just nearly destroy any notion of street cred that the MTV Music Awards may still have had say, a few years ago, Britney Spears is now set to hee-haw her way through an episode of the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. If you have never heard of How I Met Your Mother, then you’re not alone. I seriously have no idea how that show is still on the air. Sure, it’s not entirely UNfunny, but it’s kinda, well, vanilla. In any case, Britney Spears will be playing a character named Abby, who works in the doctor’s office owned by main character Ted”, and is described as “sweet and friendly and scattered and a little nerdy”. Wow. Britney Spears is going to be playing a character that is “a little nerdy”. When will Hollywood stop stereotyping people? It’s just wrong, y’all.
Jamie Lynn Spears is Pregnant — OOPS!
Chalk this one up to the old adage: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” It turns out Britney Spears isn’t the only screwed up Spears in the family, because 16-year old Jamie Lynn Spears has admitted to OK! Magazine that she’s at least 12 weeks pregnant with boyfriend Casey Aldridge’s love child. Says Spears about premarital sex: “I definitely don’t think it’s something you should do; it’s better to wait… But I can’t be judgmental because it’s a position I put myself in.” Um, yeah, good call that, Jamie Lynn. (Seriously, what is the deal with Southern people and having two first names? It’s just greedy.) So…how long before Jamie Lynn shaves her head? That’s next, right?
Britney Spears is Ugly and her Jaw Hurts, and She Wants to See a Movie — Hunh?
This is, bar none, the funniest damn video I have ever seen. I’ve actually seen clips of it all over the place (a lot of times on Talk Soup), but I never actually saw the whole 3-minute video. It’s basically Britney Spears sitting in a bathroom with a cap on talking to the camera. I don’t know who is running the camera (is it Kevin Federline?), but what comes out of Spears’ mouth is just the funniest things I have ever heard. She starts off by talking about how she’s ugly and her jaw hurts, then goes on about how she wants to go see a movie, but doesn’t know where it’s playing. That moves into Spears positing about the feasibility of time travel, or as she puts it, “time trek”. The video has been on YouTube for over a year, so I don’t think it’s getting pulled. Hunh? Stop looking through the peephole!
Britney Spears’ Blackout Album Cover Picture
Sure, sure, so Britney Spears has been more known for bad performances, losing her kids, and going around town without panties than singing nowadays, but that doesn’t mean, uh, she still doesn’t have fans who actually wait with bated breath for her music. Her latest album, to be released late October, is called “Blackout”, and here’s your look at the album’s cover. It’s not exactly groundbreaking stuff, to be sure, but it gets the point across — Britney Spears is back, she has a new album, and, um, after too many drinks, she tends to suffer from blackouts. I think that’s what they were going for, and if not, oh well, it’s something like that, right?
Britney Spears Loses Custody of Kids to Kevin Federline
Can you imagine what it’s like to be the kids of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? In this corner, you have a drugged out, crazy as a fox for a mom, and in the other corner, you have a drugged out, broke as a homeless bum for a father. I mean, DAMN, who do you choose to go live with if you had a choice? Well nevermind that, because no one has a choice, with a recent ruling by a judge that Britney Spears is to turn over custody of her children 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James to Kevin Federline (or K-Fed as he likes to be called) until further notice. Oops, she shouldn’t have done it again. (Har har, you knew that was coming, right?) I guess all those testimony about Britney enjoying some nose candy really had an impact, after all. Remember, celebrities: Never, ever piss off your overweight bodyguards.
Britney Spears Charged with Hit-and-Run in L.A.
Get a good seat, boys and girls, because the Britney Spears Train Wreck continues unabated, and it’s just about to reach yet another zenith. New comes out of L.A. late Friday that Britney Spears has been charged by the Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office with hit-and-run and driving without a valid driver’s license. Apparently Brit Brit, as she likes to be called, can’t drive worth a damn, and hit a parked car before taking off. Apparently she didn’t think anyone would know, but oh how wrong she was. So what kind of penalties will she face if (and that’s a big IF) convicted? Well the maximum fine L.A. can lay on her is six months in jail and a $1,000 fine, but I doubt if that’ll happen, if the precedence set by Hollywood Train Wrecks like Lindsay Lohan and her ilk are any indication. It’s L.A., baby, don’t try to figure it out.
Britney Spears Performance at the MTV VMA
Oh boy, apparently motherhood and trailer trashing it up for the last few years hasn’t been kind to Britney Spears’ talent — or should we say, what little talent she still has left. The poor girl performed at the MTV Video Music Awards last night (video of the performance below), and she looked, in a word: “Holy crap, you call that a performance?” Basically, it was awful. I mean, shit, I don’t even know anything about dancing or choreography or singing, but even I know that “performance” of hers was Godawful shitty. The song she’s doing is her new single, called “Gimme More”, and it sounds just as crappy as her performance. See for yourself before MTV yanks it off YouTube. (But on the plus side? Her doctor sucked out all the cellulite, so that’s good.) Update: Well the YouTube version didn’t last long. Here’s the DailyMotion version, hopefully it’ll last longer.
Britney Spears’ Cellulite Infested Ass Scares Me
You know, I just don’t know what is going on with Britney Spears. How exactly did this girl go from being a Pop Princess that every guy wanted to take home to the sofa and put it to, to being embracing Total Skanksville like no one’s business? And you gotta ask yourself: How exactly did a 26-year old girl with years and years of dancing behind her develop this kind of cellulite-laden body? Or ass, to be more specific? Granted, she’s had a couple of kids, but you would think all those instant liposuction she’s paying for (come on, don’t try to tell me she’s not) would take care of all the ass fat. But I guess not. Here’s Britney Spears showing off her 26-year old ass — it actually looks like the butt of a 50-year old woman, and that’s kind of insulting 50-year old women everywhere.
More Merry Miller Mayhem
Look, kids, it’s ABC attempting to spin the Merry Miller travesty into something fun! Oh joy! In the aftermath of Merry Miller’s butchering of an interview with Holly Hunter (see here), ABC News is doing everything it can to try to “deal” with the situation — by making light of it! Even Miller herself has gotten into the act. Gawker says: “In an attempt to make lemonade out of the lemon that was Merry’s interview with Holly Hunter, ABCNewsNow is holding a contest where the “prize” is a guest shot hosting “What’s the Buzz,” the scene of Merry’s famous flameout.” Har har, good try, boys, but everyone recognizes a FUBAR when they see one.
Britney Spears + Stripper Pole = Sexy?
Now think about this: Britney Spears on a stripper pole. It conjures up some pretty decent images, right? But then you have to consider that this is POST-K-Fed Britney. You know, post-bald head Britney. The “Oops I Did it Again” Britney is gone and dead, folks, buried for all time. What we’re left with, then, is the same Britney Spears who destroyed an OK photoshoot and has been known to, as my nephew would say, “chunk it up” something fierce. For her latest music video, Britney Spears is required to wear very skimpy (i.e. skanky) fishnet stockings and black leather and grind against a pole. Now seriously, what could POSSIBLY not be sexy about that? Um, judge for yourself…
Britney Spears Bikini Pictures
Remember when Britney Spears used to be really hot, and then she got married, knocked out a couple of kids, and then she wasn’t so hot anymore? Well that was then and this is now, and now Britney Spears is getting back into her pre-kids shape. She’s not quite there yet, but if these bikini pictures are any indication, she’s slowly but surely making way back to pre-batshit days (you know, the whole hair deal). I don’t know who the big black guy with her is (bodyguard, I’m guessing), but should you really be letting your bodyguard carry your kids? Hmm…
Your April Fools Day Joke: Britney Spears
Everytime I see Britney Spears on TV nowadays, all I can think of is: “Wow, she really got us.” Because, you know, I like to believe that all the craziness (the pantiless jaunts with Paris Hilton, the bald head, the whole K-Fed fiasco, and even all that “Chaotic” foolishness) was just one big, elaborate Punk’d to the world, leading up to this day, April’s Fool Day, when she will confess that it was all a joke. Of course it’s not, but damn, remember when Britney Spears was really sexy? Yeah, it’s hard to believe, but it was true.
Pre-Crazy Britney Spears
I know it’s hard to believe now, but once upon a time, Britney Spears wasn’t the crazy coyote who haunted barber shops at the dead of night. She actually used to be cute and sexy, and yes, even normal. Well, as normal as a girl who gyrates on stage about not being a girl anymore can be, that is. Still, whenever I run across old pictures of Spears such as these, it makes me kind of sad. The poor girl. She’s grown up, grown out, and grown totally batty. Oh, what used to be…
Britney Spears has Gone F’in Insane, Shaves Head
Well, you just knew it had to happen, didn’t you? K-Fed. “Chaotic”. Two marriages. Two divorces. Two kids in two years. The poor girl has finally flipped her lead and gone totally bat shit. That is, if you don’t count going into rehab, coming out of rehab, getting tattoos on your wrists, and then just for fun, shaving your head YOURSELF. Yes, that’s right. Britney Spears, formerly America’s pop princess turned late-night skank, has finally jumped off the deep end.
Britney Spears Sluts it Up with Paris Hilton
Remember when Britney Spears used to be respectable? Back before the “skank contest with Christina Aguilera” era, before the “K-Fed fiasco”, and the “Chaotic” chaos? Yeah, me, neither. So now that she’s newly minted single, Britney Spears was recently seen out on the town with sociolite wunderkind Paris Hilton giving new meaning to the phrase, “single and ready to mingle”. Or am I thinking about, “single and slutting it up”? Either/or. Here are the dynamic duo somewhere doing something bathing in the radiance of undeserved attention. Ain’t pop celebrity purty?
It’s Official: Britney Spears and K-Fed are Divorced
So apparently it’s official: Britney Spears has filed for divorce from wannabe rapper hubby Kevin Federline, better known to “the homies” as K-Fed. Personally I blame the split on, well, both of them. That’s what happens when you give white trash money and allow her to marry white trash. I mean, hell, folks, white trash + white trash don’t equal class, you know? You can read all about it here if this is something that interests you. Personally I find it irresistible — like driving by a car wreck. You know what happened, and you don’t want to look, but dang it, you just can’t look away.