02-02-2009 | Brooke Burke
Just in case you’ve forgotten, I’d like to remind you on the hotness of former E! Channel personality Brooke Burke. You remember her, don’t you? The only reason you ever turned onto that annoying channel? Yes, it was for Brooke Burke and her TV show. She left the channel a while ago and recently turned up on Dancing with the Stars, that show whose popularity I still don’t “get”, but whatever, I guess America just likes crap shows. Anyways, what isn’t crap about the show? Brooke Burke winning the whole thing. Now that was just awesome. What else is awesome? Brooke Burke, that’s what.
How could you ever get too much of Brooke Burke? It’s like saying, “Dude, I’ve gotten way too much of this thing called air, and I don’t want anymore.” I mean, come on, it ain’t gonna happen! Anyhoo. Here’s the always lovely and bikini-licious Brooke Burke on the cover and inside the pages of Ralph Magazine. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I don’t know who this Ralph dude is, but he’s God’s give to men everywhere. Think about it — what kind of gumption do you gotta have to name a magazine after yourself and slap super hot women on the cover? You go, Ralph! (And if there isn’t a Ralph in real life, uh, nevermind.)
How many times have I typed the words, “Brooke Burke Bikini Pictures”? So many times that if I had a penny for everytime I typed those words, I would have, um, a couple of pennies, but a heck of a lot of Brooke Burke bikini pictures! Anyhoo, here’s the former “Wild On…” host babe frolicking about on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, which I hear is where the hardbodied celebrity people go to get their beach on. Why, I’m heading over there next week. (Wait, no I’m not…)
Hey, the weekend can’t be great for everybody, so for all of you dorks who have lousy weekends, here is some Brooke Burke, former of E! Entertainment’s “Wild On…” show to tie you over while your life attempts vainly to get you some poon tang. Hey, we can’t all be George Clooney, right? And by that of course I mean we can’t all be 60 years old and kind of chubby, but because we’re rich and famous, women insist on calling us “sexy” and whatnot. But I digress.
There have been a lot of pretenders running around beaches in bikinis lately, but they got nothing on Brooke Burke, who has made a living doing just that — getting half naked and frolicking on beaches around the world. She’s at it again, and once more, no one does it better than Brooke Burke. Does she just oozes sex appeal or what? No wonder she’s sold like a gazillion calendars of herself. Who wouldn’t want to hang this on their wall? I’ll take five, please!
I don’t know what the hell “scruff” is, but if Brooke Burke and Kelly Monaco have joined forces to fight it, then by God, I don’t like it, either! Can you imagine what else Brooke and Kelly can put an end to if they just put their minds to it? We’re talking about world hunger, AIDs, cancer, alien invasions — my God, the possibilities are endless! Nothing in this world can stop the power of two hot girls uniting for one cause! Now if they’ll only pour water on those tight T-shirts and start wrestling…
Brooke Burke makes her return to Stuff Magazine in their July issue. I always thought she was a hot little number, although that piggish nose of hers is not all that attractive. Wonder why she never did any work on her nose, as she’s done work on every other part of her body. But I digress. Here’s Brooke Burke in the July issue of Stuff Magazine.
Model Brooke Burke likes taking showers. Golden showers. That is, rain that is golden. Or golden rain. Or paint meant to look like rain that just happens to seem kinda golden and showery. Okay, so I have no idea what the point of this is, except to get really dirty and what have you, but I like it! Well, however you put it, she’s taking a golden shower in these pictures. Um, okay. 
Former E! channel travel guide Brooke Burke has a pretty strange career; basically she makes a living appearing in magazines half-clothed, and then selling calenders and appearing on TV shows. Her entire livelihood depends entirely on her looks and sticking to her gym schedule. That’s a pretty weird way to make a living, but thank God she’s willing to put up with it! Here she is in DT Magazine looking good as usual.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I approve of Brooke Burke lounging about the Stars and Stripes like it’s a chew toy, but you know what I do approve of? Brooke Burke. The woman. The sexpot Goddess from the miserably empty-headed and Godawful E! Channel. That’s what I approve of. Plus, America. I approve of America, and fuck you if you don’t. Bitches. Get off our lawn! 
Brooke Burke’s 2005 Stuff Magazine photo spread. What an amazing body…