The Big List of Chicks Who Make Lots of Money in 2007
US Magazine, a trade publication that I read every day while Vietnamese ladies of varying hotness and age do my nails and give me a nice rubdown, has a list appropriately called “What People Earn”. You know, because seriously, that’s, like, um, wow, that’s not a very creative list. But anyways, it gets the point across, and I suppose that’s what matters. And the point is that Miley Cyrus made $18 million last year, while fellow chick Jessica Alba made a measly $9 million. Hah! Jessica should be ashame of herself. She needs to work harder and stop getting knocked up is what she needs to do.
Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson — WHO YA GOT??
Man, it sure doesn’t suck to be Dallas Quarterback stud Tony Romo. Then again, after Romo’s atrocious play last weekend against the Philadelphia Eagles, maybe it does kinda suck to be Tony Romo. But his love life is certainly something that doesn’t suck; after goofing off with country music princess Carrie Underwood, Romo is now plying his trade with pop princess Jessica Simpson. He’s now dabbled in two extreme opposites in two different musical genres, and some people are saying he should go back to the country music girl because the pop princess may be partying our boy too hard. If you were Tony Romo, what would YOU do? Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson — WHO YA GOT??
Most Phallic Picture of the Day: Carrie Underwood at the CMA
You know, if I was a lesser man, I would have all kinds of nutty (i.e. really, really funny) captions for this picture of Carrie Underwood at the Country Music Awards show, where she apparently won a ton of awards. Or two, actually. I think she won two. Maybe she won more, but she just couldn’t hold both of them up at once. Which leads me to our Most Phallic Picture of the Day, which just happens to involve the oh-so-sweet Carrie Underwood backstage at the CMA proudly displaying her hardware and, um, eliciting all kinds of bad imagery in my mind. I am so going to hell.
Carrie Underwood is the World’s Sexiest Vegetarian
PETA wants you to know that over 100K vegetarians voted in their poll, and the winners were Carrie Underwood for the girls and Kevin Eubanks for the guys, who claimed the title of World’s Sexiest Vegetarians. Normally I think PETA is pretty whack, but I can’t disagree with them here. Carrie Underwood is definitely sexy, and the fact that she manages to look very healthy while still not eating meat only makes her hotter. Usually vegetarians are stick figures with bags of skin and bones; to be honest, most vegetarians look kind of scary, like zombies minus the decaying flesh. But Carrie Underwood? Pure smoking hotness.
It Doesn’t Suck to be … Tony Romo
Boy, does it not suck to be Tony Romo. (Well, except for that one game up there in Seattle…) How exactly does a college quarterback from Eastern Illinois University land the main main job with the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys? Or for that matter, how does a guy from San Diego end up on the arms of America’s sweetheart, Carrie Underwood and attending the 2007 Country Music Awards (pictures below)? Don’t ask me, I’m just a schmuck who types on a computer for a living. But however Tony Romo did it, I wish he’d let me know. (Plus, that’s a cool last name. “Romo”. Damn, this guy has it all! Damn him!) Of course, there’s always that game up in Seattle…
Carrie Underwood in People’s 100 Most Beautiful People List
You may or may not have heard, but People Magazine released their “100 Most Beautiful People” list recently, and Carrie Underwood was on that list. She joins people like Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez and Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tyra Banks, Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Aniston. Not a bad list, to be sure, but for my money Carrie Underwood has them all beat with natural beauty, down home goodness, and just basic human decency. And she’s dating the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. How much more “American” can you get? Here’s Carrie Underwood’s pic from the issue.
Carrie Underwood Bikini Pictures
It’s not everyday you catch America’s country music sweetheart in a two-piece bikini, so even if she gets snapped on a boat holding up a striper fish, that’s still something to celebrate. And hey, is it just me or does the fact that Carrie Underwood fishes while wearing a bikini really, really sexy? Just focus on the hot girl in the bikini and ignore the fish and those two guys. So that’s two American Idol winners down (although to be sure, Kelly Clarkson in a bikini was really disappointing), and now if only Katharine McPhee would get her bikini on…
Carrie Underwood Sexy at the CMT Awards
Speaking about feeling guilty ogling a hot woman, I feel exactly the same way when I saw these pictures of former American Idol winner Carrie Underwood performing at the recent CMT Awards. I mean, damn, when did Carrie Underwood even developed the ability to be this sexy? She used to be cute and darling and all that, but sexy? Here’s Carrie Underwood performing at the CMT Awards. Now I don’t keep track of country music trends or whatnot, but are country music singers wearing stiletto heels, silver shorts, and corsets now? I gotta listen to country music more…
Carrie Underwood Returns to “American Idol” Tonight
Of all the American Idol winners of the past, is there anyone more liked than Carrie Underwood? I swear I’ve never heard anyone say a single bad thing about her. Even people who think country music blows thinks Carrie Underwood is gosh darn cute and nice and they’d fall on a mud puddle so she can walk on their backs to get across the street. That’s how well-liked Carrie Underwood is. So for everyone out there, Carrie’s return to “American Idol” later tonight, during the Results Show, should please a whole lot of people. That is, unless you don’t like Carrie Underwood, in which case you probably don’t like “American Idol” either, so what’s the point?
Red State Sweetheart Carrie Underwood
You gotta love Carrie Underwood. That is, unless you’re a miserable piece of shit of a human being, then you don’t like her. Hell, this girl is so nice if you looked up the word “nice” in the dictionary it would say, “See Carrie Underwood”. Seriously, if there ever was a less pretentious person in the world, it would be Carrie. Which makes her success in country music very encouraging to those of us who appreciates beautiful woman who refuses to sell out, a rare thing in music these days. Here’s Carrie at the recent Country Music Awards, where I hear she won some hardware. Good for her. By the way, why does the CMA logo look like the Starfleet insignia?
Carrie Underwood Bowls for Cuteness
Some old pictures (from 2005) of Carrie Underwood bowling for a cause. Why? Why not. She looks cute as a button in bowling clothes (especially those socks), and there’s something about a cute blonde holding a giant ball in her hands like she’s been handling it all her life…er, I mean, I gotta get a girlfriend…
Carrie Underwood is an American College Graduate
It looks like Carrie Underwood is determined to buck the trend of “get famous, get rich, and screw being a role model” that so many stars have fallen into. Instead, the “American Idol” winner went back to Northeastern State and finished her credits and graduated with an Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications. Congrats to Carrie, who I wouldn’t mind my daughters looking up to if, that is, I had any daughters. Or kids, actually. (Not that I know of, I mean. Um.)
Carrie Underwood Returns to American Idol Today
Fans of American Idol sweetheart (with emphasis on the sweet part of “sweetheart”) will be giddy today when Carrie Underwood returns to Idol’s Thursday Results Show to sing her #1 hit song “Jesus, Take the Wheel”. You know what I like most about Carrie? You have little doubt she really is as sweet and unpretentious as another supposedly country Idol (*cough*Kelly Clarkson*cough*).