Sure, sure, so Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch. In fact, she’s so NOT bright that she’s probably not the brightest bulb on the shelf. But nevermind all that. Brains are nice, but brains aren’t necessary to land yourself on the Random Page, where Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton certainly has, and yeah, that flubbing of her question has something to do with it, but we just appreciate her for her full BODY of work, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. (Gratuitous bikini pictures included, of course.)

Oh sure, you can go on and on about how Hilary Swank is not the prototypical Hollywood starlet, but you’ll be pressed to find a better actress working in Hollywood today. (And yes, I will even forgive her for the miserably idiotic “Freedom Writers”, aka “White Woman Saves Black Kids Again”.) She’s won two Oscars, and in the last few years, she’s been working hard to overhaul her image, and the results? A sexier, hotter Hilary Swank. Okay, so maybe “hotter” might not be correct, but Hilary has definitely gotten a lot sexier than before. Check out these bikini pictures of the two-time Oscar winner (with some fat guy) on the beach. What a body. Am I right or am I right? Hilary Swank has got it going ON.

Did Jenny McCarthy have her breast implants removed? I don’t know, but that’s what immediately popped into my head when I saw these bikini pictures of the lovely blonde somewhere in Hawaii on the beach enjoying the fun and sun the way only super hot celebrities can — with a banging bikini body. So did Jenny McCarthy remove her breast implants? I don’t know, it’s not like I’m some breast expert or something, even though I admire them, I don’t know very much about them. Sheesh, I wish that gay doctor guy from that Beverly Hills plastic surgery show was here to tell me… Anyhoo. Jenny McCarthy in a bikini showing a slamming body. Enjoy.

Say what you will about Michelle Rodriguez — her acting skills are in question, she may be living off that “tough girl” persona way too much, she’s a troublemaker — but then again, isn’t that what we like about her? The last part? Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t play by Hollywood’s rules, and yet they can’t help but continue to hire her, because she does what she does better than anyone else. You want a tough chick to carry an M16 and look good? Michelle Rodriguez is your girl. You want a tough chick to kick zombie ass? Give Michelle Rodriguez a call. And she looks like a million bucks in a two-piece bikini (even if one half of that is covered) to boot, which is just topping on the cake.

Today’s Brit Babe Invasion entry is Natasha Hamilton, who is one of the members of the Brit pop girls group Atomic Kitten. The group hails from Liverpool, and is composed of Liz “Lil” McClarnon, Natasha “Tash” Hamilton, and Jenny Frost, and are not to be confused with the Girls Aloud, well, girls. Some of their hit songs include “Right Now,” “Whole Again,” “Eternal Flame,” “The Tide Is High,” and “Ladies Night”, but nevermind all that music mumbo jumbo. Right now we’re only concerned with Natasha Hamilton, and how good she looks in a two-piece bikini. See, this is how we should all be introduced to all attractive girls — in a wet bikini. Oh, if only I ruled the world…

Apparently both the producers of ABC’s “Lost” and NBC’s “Heroes” were after Kristen Bell to join their show after her own show, “Veronica Mars” got canned by the CW or the WB or whatever the hell it’s called. According to published reports, Kristen has decided on a multi-episode stint on the second season of “Heroes” instead of flying to Hawaii and getting “lost” on an island filled with crazy bitches and monsters and whatnot. Hey, who can blame her. Although I don’t know about turning down Hawaii for L.A., but maybe that’s just me. Bell’s character on “Heroes” will be a girl name “Elle”, and chances are she’ll have powers, too. Can I recommend the producers give Kristen Bell the power to morph whatever clothes she’s wearing into a two-piece bikini? Because, you know, she looks good in that. See below for evidence.

Before you even ask, let me just say that I absolutely have no idea about the context behind these pictures of former porn queen (does she even still do adult movies?) Jenna Jameson on the beach in a two-piece bikini posing very oddly for the camera. And yes, she is looking very, very skinny. I don’t keep up with Jenna Jameson’s life or anything, but as I recall, she has admitted to having a eating disorder (or maybe I’m wrong and she never did, I can’t be sure, don’t take my word for it, no one does), and wow, skin and bones, man. I’m not sure if those inflated boobs can even support that skeletal frame anymore. But oddly enough, I am still super aroused. Hmm…

The movie “Cloud Nine” was about an old dude played by Burt Reynolds who gets together a bunch of really hot and fit chicks to play volleyball to save the local rec center. Or maybe not. I’m not sure about that last part, I’m just going by movie cliches here, and it’s usually to save something or rather. In any case, one of the women Burt recruits is Champagne, played by Kenya Moore, who needless to say, looks SLAMMIN’ in a red bikini. Haven’t seen much from Kenya, although she did have a part in the Lindsay Lohan disaster “I Know Who Killed Me”, but if you say that movie, well, you’re probably the only one. Here’s more of Kenya, gratuitous bikini pictures included.

So who is happy that CBS renewed “Jericho” for a second season despite having cancelled it once already? Me me me! Because let’s face it, when you have a TV show to do, you don’t have to worry about going on TV auditions, which allows you to run to the beach whenever you can and slap on a hot looking bikini. Which is what Ashley Scott, one of the stars of “Jericho”, did this Summer. With her show guaranteed a full second year, our girl showed off a rockin’ body in a two-piece. Did I tell you how much I love summer? Because I really, really love summer. God bless you, Summer!

Initially I was a little bit disappointed by these pictures of Anne Hathaway in a bikini — and no, the fugly bikini she’s wearing has nothing to do with it. Then I realized, Yeah, I think I always expected that Anne Hathaway would look this curvaceous, and all of a sudden my disappointment turned to gratification. What I’m saying is, even when a celebrity doesn’t pull off the “bikini body” as well as we’d like, they’re still celebrities in their bikinis and that’s like, 5 times better than a regular ugly person in a bikini. And if you understand what all of that meant, then I got some swamp in Florida to sell ya. Anyways, Anne Hathaway bikini pictures.

Elisha Cuthbert is such a strange girl. Undoubtedly a very attractive girl, there are times when she can look pretty darn plain, and sometimes, even mildly unattractive. I say “mildly” because, let’s face it, when you’re born with good genes, even when you look ugly you’re still looking pretty good. Here’s Elisha Cuthbert at the beach, apparently taking pictures because she’s been told that she’s pretty good at it. Or not. You know how it is; hot girls are always told they can do anything because guys are secret hoping to get “with” them, as the kids say. Anyhoo, here’s Elisha Cuthbert hanging out at the beach in a two-piece bikini that she insists on covering up the bottom part. What a gyp. Almost, guys, almost…

Who is Jena Malone, and why do we care that she’s been spotted in a two-piece bikini apparently shooting some kind of something or rather? Um, because she’s kinda famous, and she’s in a bikini, and those two things put together means BINGO, baby! And that’s with all caps, too, in case you were wondering. But who IS Jena Malone? Well she’s an American actress who has been in “Saved!”, “The Ballad of Jack and Rose”, and “Pride and Prejudice”. Basically, she’s a prolific actress who has been in a lot of movies that you’ve probably never seen. Which is strange, as she’s been nominated for a Golden Globe, which would mean she’s a pretty good actress. Then again, I’ve been nominated for a Golden Globe, and I’ve never even been in a movie! But I digress.

As many times as I’ve written this, I still can’t believe it’s true: swimsuit model bombshell Nikki Ziering used to be married to that dude from “Beverly Hills 90210″, but the dude divorced her. Uh huh. The guy divorced HER. I’m telling you, there’s something not right with this world when that’s allowed to happen. But in any case, here’s a Nikki Ziering appreciation post, because there’s no problem in this universe that can’t be solved by ogling half-naked pictures of Nikki Ziering in a two-piece bikini. I’m telling you, the woman was born to wear a bikini. Oooooooh boy.

If you’re like me, and you hang around with rich socialites who drinks champagne and dine on caviar, then you’ll no doubt recognize Tamara Beckwith’s last name, and immediately peg her as the daughter of realty king Peter Beckwith. Then again, if you’re one of the peons who have no access to the rich and famous (unlike me, remember), then you won’t have a clue. Oh, you fools! You and your poor selves. Become a rich tycoon and then you’ll know what it’s like to live the good life. Muhahahahahhaha. Ahem. Where was I? Oh right, here’s socialite babe Tamara Beckwith in a two-piece bikini. She looks pretty good for someone born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Then again, I reckon her definition of “hard work” is probably trekking to the tanning salon every day. Oh, the humanity. Nice abs, too.

I’m torn about these bikini pictures of Geri Halliwell, of Spice Girls fame. (I believe she was Baby Spice. Or maybe she was Sporty Spice. All I know is that the black chick was Scary Spice, and the skinny chick was Posh Spice. Yeah, I’m going with Baby Spice. If I’m wrong — eh.) Anyhoo. I’m torn about these bikini pictures of Geri Halliwell. On the one hand, I’m a sucker for redheads, and Geri has certainly kept herself in shape, which is very respectable for any celebrity. But on the negative side, there’s something weird going on with that tummy. Are those stretch marks? If so, aren’t there surgical procedures one (such as a rich celebrity) could pay to get fixed? Still kinda hot, though. I love the fact that she’s just walking along and paparazzi are snapping pictures of her like bees. What a weird life, huh?

Some random bits about Michelle Hunziker, seen her in a swimsuit at the beach, via Wikipedia: She’s a Swiss actress, model and a famous personality on Italian and German television. She was born in Sorengo (Lugano), in the southern, Italian speaking part of Switzerland. After having hosted the Swiss show Cinderella, Hunziker was discovered by German TV producers. In 2007, Michelle Hunziker co-hosted with Pippo Baudo the most popular Italian show, the Festival di Sanremo. And oh yeah, she looks really, really good in a bathing suit. Too bad it’s a full swimsuit. A bikini would have been so much better, and then I could have titled this post, “Michelle Hunziker Bikini Pictures”. Oh, what could have been…

Hey look, kids, it’s bikini pictures of Kristin Cavallari! And here I thought the former “Laguna Beach” hottie had been abducted by UFOs or something, since we have hardly heard from her lately. Then again, I’m sure it’s hard to compete for superfluous attention from the paparazzi when Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, and Lindsay Lohan are trying to kill Californians on the highways using their cars as weapons. And I suspect Kristin Cavallari, despite her rich girl pedigree, is not stupid enough to indulge in drugs and boozing, thus perhaps keeping her from doing something outrageous to attract the attention of the cameras. Good for her, I say. She still looks good, too.

I must admit, the last time I saw a batch of Ashley Tisdale bikini pictures, I wasn’t all that impressed. I’m sorry, but I just expected more. (Is it too much for me to expect perfection in my female celebrities?) But I have to admit, these latest batch of Ashley Tisdale bikini pictures are quite fantastic. Maybe I was expecting too much that time, or Ashley wasn’t quite herself, but she sure has made up for it with these new batch. And let me just say, I’m sorry I doubted you, Ashley. You are SMOKING.

More Hayden Panettiere bikini pictures, because you guys seemed to love the last batch so much. I’m nothing if I’m not responsive to my fans, and by “fans” I mean the three people living in their mom’s basement who for some reason or another keeps emailing me pictures of Underdog in his boxers. I mean come on, guys, Underdog??? But I digress. Here are more Hayden Panettiere bikini pictures. She was in San Diego over the weekend for Comic Con, so I’m assuming she just slipped on the two-piece and ran off to the beach with some lucky dude. Lucky ass dude.

You may have heard something about it: Country music’s she’s-all-grown-up-now darling LeAnn Rimes recently made a splash on the cover and in the pages of Shape Magazine, wearing nothing but a two-piece bikini. I especially like the American flag theme for the bikini. Somehow, LeAnn Rimes + America = It all make sense. In the article, LeAnn reveals her tips for staying in shape (apparently it’s all about the yoga), or more correctly, how to look drop dead gorgeous. Let’s face it, country music folks aren’t supposed to look this fit, or at least, I’ve never seen one that was. In any case, here are the rest of those pictures of LeAnn Rimes in Shape Magazine.