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Megan Fox Says if you Read the Bible and Don’t Believe in Gay Rights You Should Die
Megan Fox is so open-minded about people’s sexual orientation that she believes if you don’t share her views, you should die. In response to a question by Total Film about what she would say to Megatron to keep him from destroying the world, Fox replied: “I’d barter with him and say instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?” While that is indeed a very stupid and intolerant thing to say, we’re going to have to agree with Megan Fox, mostly because she’s 23 years old and is super hot, though we reserve the right to change our minds in 10 years, or until Megan gets knocked up by a rich douche bag with a trust fund, or whichever one comes first.
Don’t Vote PSA Becomes Nicolas Cage PSA
10 October 2008
You may or may not have seen those celebrity PSAs that tells you not to vote. You know, the one that thinks it’s just soooooooooo clever? Basically, because celebrities think you’re fucking morons, they’ll do a PSA telling you not to vote, so that way you’ll go out and vote. Yeah, that makes real sense, you hypocrite limousine-driving millionaires. Anyways, someone did the smart thing and made that retarded PSA useful by inserting their own little clips into it. Except this PSA isn’t about voting, it’s about the actor Nicolas Cage, and how bad his movies are, and why in God’s name does Nic Cage continue to work. Now I happen to like Nic Cage, but yeah, I’ll admit it, the guy sure puts out a lot of manure. What is he, afraid he’ll never work again if he doesn’t take every acting job offered to him? Anyways, funny stuff. Please to enjoy.
Karma is a Bitch: Sharon Stone Pisses off China, Apologizes
29 May 2008
In case you haven’t heard, another actor recently shot off at the mouth without thinking, and got smacked down. HARD. This time it was Sharon Stone, who made some retarded comment about how “karma” was responsible for the big quake in China that killed thousands, because of China’s policies toward Tibet. And yes, she did happen to name-drop the Dalai Lama’s name a couple of times; they’re best buds, doncha know. Stone has since released a statement saying to the effect of how “deeply sorry and sad” she was about hurting the Chinese people with her comment. Which leads me to this thought: Wow, someone actually still cares what Sharon Stone has to say! Her video comment, and some pictures of Stone in “Basic Instinct 2″, the last time people even entertained the notion of seeing a “Sharon Stone movie” for your perusal pleasure.
Celebrities are Disingenuous
19 March 2008
Don’t you love it when a celebrity shows up at your college and goes on and on about how he loves Barack Obama, and how Obama is going to bring change to the country and finally get us over to Mars where we can rape and pillage to our heart’s desire, and finishes it up by telling you to go out and vote, but they don’t care who you vote for? Oh yeah? If that’s true, then why did you just spent two hours shoving Obama down my throat, you disingenuous prick? So that’s what happened with this story, which had Zachary Quinto from Heroes and Dule Hill from Psyche (some show on cable, I guess) going around college campus pretending they don’t care who you vote for, as long as you vote. Riiiiiiiiiight.
Marion Cotillard Thinks 9/11 and the Moon Landing Were Faked
3 March 2008
What is it with Hollywood, that everyone who shows up seems to get infected with Charlie-Sheen-Stupid-Ass-Itis? The latest victim is French actress Marion Cotillard, who just won an Oscar for a movie no one besides Hollywood has ever seen (and oh, a couple of smelly French people in France). Brit paper The Daily Mail recently dug up a year-old interview with Cotillard on French TV, where she waxes philosophical on the EEEEEEEVIL American Government, “singling out the 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center as an example of the US making up horror stories for political ends.” But wait, it gets better! Keep reading, dear readers.
Video: Jane Fonda Drops the C-Word on The Today Show
18 February 2008
This is funny. Not that Jane Fonda, being the addled-brain idiot she is, dropped the c-word (and no, I’m not talking about “c” as in “catsup”) while live on The Today Show, but that host Meredith Viera was laughing like a total retard before, during, and after she said it. I thought that was hilarious. Later, Meredith Viera apologized on air for Fonda’s usage of the word, which I didn’t think was that bad, although it goes to show you what a total mush head Fonda is that she seemingly didn’t know you can’t say that on live TV. Is it any wonder that this dumb broad thought it was a good idea to go to North Vietnam during the Vietnam War and pose for pictures while draped over anti-artillery guns? It goes to show you that you don’t necessarily get smarter with age.
Tom Cruise on Scientology; South Park Rebuttal
24 January 2008
You know, I’ve heard and seen snippets from this Scientology video where Tom Cruise talks about his Scientology belief, and how great it is, and how they (Scientologists) should rule the world (or something like that). It’s pretty creepy, mostly because Tom Cruise is sooooooo damn into it, he’s bought it hook, line, and sinker. According to Tom, Scientology is the authority on basically everything ever invented in the whole wide world. Seriously, he’s saying all this stuff in the video. I shit you not. And just for fun, I’ve also added the infamous South Park episode that makes fun of Scientology. Best…episode…EVER.
Wesley Snipes: “Florida is out to Get Me”
9 November 2007
By now you might have heard that Wesley Snipes is currently on trial for tax evasion charges. If not, well, then you just don’t appreciate the Blade movies, which means you have no taste in movies. Well, with the exception of the third Blade movie. That one just sucked donkey balls. Here’s your Wesley Snipes on Trial update (cue theme music!): Snipes wants the court to move his trial out of central Florida because he believes it’s too racist. No, really. Here: “In a motion filed Monday in U.S. District Court, Snipes’ lawyer argued that the U.S. Attorney’s Office willfully selected the Marion County seat of Ocala because prosecutors “deliberately chose the most racially discriminatory venue available to the government with the best possibility of an all-white Southern jury where Snipes has never resided.” See? Now you can add Florida to the group of people out to get Wesley Snipes because he’s just too cool for them to handle.
Dog Chapman’s Son Sold The N-Word Tape
2 November 2007
When news broke yesterday that a tape of Dog Chapman going on a racist spiel about black people (dude was using the N-Word like it was going out of business, yo) surfaced on the National Inquirer’s website, everyone was thinking the same thing I was: How the hell did the Inquirer get their hands on the tape in the first place? Well now we know: Tucker Chapman, Dog’s son, the guy on the other end of that phone conversation, sold the tape for, according to Chapman’s lawyer, “a lot of money”. Apparently young Chapman was so pissed off at dad that this was his way of getting back. You know, I don’t know if I blame the kid. Okay, on one end, he just betrayed his father and basically destroyed the old man’s career for good; on the other hand, his dad is a frakkin’ racist jackass.
Dog Chapman Caught Using N-Word to Son
1 November 2007
Dude, come on, the guy still has a mullet, for God’s sake, of course he thinks throwing around n*gger is a-okay. We’re talking about Duane “Dog” Chapman, who has his own A&E Reality TV show where he and his family of bounty hunters run around Hawaii “capturing” dangerous criminals like the fat girl who jumped bail, or the fat trucker who jumped bail — you get the idea. Basically it’s Chapman and company running around acting like the world is going to end if they don’t catch some poor slob who decided to jump bail. But catching them is now the least of Chapman’s problems, especially after a recorded conversation between Chapman and his son Tucker in which Chapman shows his racist side by referring to Tucker’s black girlfriend Monique Shinnery using the N-word at least 50 times throughout the phone conversation has surfaced and — oops! — fallen into the hands of the National Enquirer.
Britney Spears is Ugly and her Jaw Hurts, and She Wants to See a Movie — Hunh?
30 October 2007
This is, bar none, the funniest damn video I have ever seen. I’ve actually seen clips of it all over the place (a lot of times on Talk Soup), but I never actually saw the whole 3-minute video. It’s basically Britney Spears sitting in a bathroom with a cap on talking to the camera. I don’t know who is running the camera (is it Kevin Federline?), but what comes out of Spears’ mouth is just the funniest things I have ever heard. She starts off by talking about how she’s ugly and her jaw hurts, then goes on about how she wants to go see a movie, but doesn’t know where it’s playing. That moves into Spears positing about the feasibility of time travel, or as she puts it, “time trek”. The video has been on YouTube for over a year, so I don’t think it’s getting pulled. Hunh? Stop looking through the peephole!
Halle Berry Thinks Jews Have Big Noses
24 October 2007
Preggers Halle Berry was recently on Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show when she made a crack about Jewish people having big noses. Or as she puts it, while showing a picture of herself with a CGI-distorted nose, “This one, I don’t know, this is like my Jewish cousin.” To with Leno, ever the quick-witted comedian, replied with, “I’m glad you said it and not me.” According to E! Online, the attempt at a joke was quickly covered up by NBC at Berry’s request: the network silenced Berry’s telling of the joke with a fake laugh track, which is probably for the best, since the real audience sat in stunned silence at the racial remark. Ouch. Hey, Halle Berry may be an unmarried and pregnant dumb broad, but she’s one hot unmarried and pregnant dumb broad.
Bar Refaeli Makes for One Hot Draft Dodger
12 October 2007
Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli, aka Notch #551 on Leonardo DiCaprio’s list of supermodel conquests, is a draft dodger, and she’s damn proud of it. The supermodel recently told Israel’s Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper: “I don’t regret not having been drafted into the army, because I made out big. “Why is it good to die for one’s country? Isn’t it better to live in New York?” And hey, why wouldn’t she feel that way? She’s 22, she’s dating a mega movie star, and she gets paid oodles of money for strutting around in her undies. That’s basically my dream job! Refaeli even goes on to bash Israel, referencing an incident earlier when the country’s paparazzi got into a brouhaha with DiCaprio’s bodyguards, saying: “I won’t bring anyone famous to Israel any more because there is a chutzpah here that you won’t see anywhere else.” You have GOT to be pretty hot to get away with saying those things. Luckily for her, Bar Refaeli qualifies.
Whoopi Goldberg Says Don’t Blame Mick Vick for Being a Douche Bag
6 September 2007
Wow, Whoopi Goldberg didn’t waste anytime making her mark on The View, did she? And of course by “her mark” I mean make people think Rosie O’Donnell wasn’t really as crazy as we all thought. Goldberg’s ingenious take on the Michael Vick situation? “He’s from the South, from the Deep South … This is part of his cultural upbringing. Instead of just saying he is a beast and he’s a monster, this is a kid who comes from a culture where this is not questioned.” Oooookay. You know, I don’t live in the Deep South or anything, but I’m pretty sure other bad shit happened down there that Whoopi, being a woman of African descent, might want to rethink about. *cough*KKK*cough* So maybe it’s not such a good idea to depend the “traditions” of the Deep South, Whoopi. Witness Whoopi’s stupidity for yourself below via video.
Vivica A. Fox Blames Racism for being Drunk
29 June 2007
Geez, remember the good ol days when you could pull out the Race Card and basically get out of any situation? (Hell, it worked for O.J.) Now it seems that no matter how hard you play the Race Card, no one is buying it. Isaiah Washington recently gave the gag a shot by blaming racism for being a homophobe, and now it appears Vivica A. Fox blamed racism for her DUI arrest in March. According to the AP, Fox called the cop who was giving her a sobriety test (that she kept failing) a “racist white cop” and asked the cop’s partner to help her out. Or as she put it, according to the police report, “Brother, help a sister…”
Isaiah Washington Blames Racism for Being a Douche Bag
29 June 2007
Isaiah Washington doesn’t care for gay people, but it’s not his fault, because he’s black and there’s racism in Hollywood, see, so that means he should be able to get away with going around calling gay people derogatory names. Right? And here I thought being a douche bag isn’t the same as being the victim of racism imposed by Da Man. I guess that’s why I don’t work in Hollywood and Isaiah Washington does. You can read more about Isaiah’s theories, insights, and why there is no such thing as “rehab for homophobia” here. Wait, you admit you’re a homophobe, but you STILL insist it was all about race? Man, I’m confused…
Paris Hilton has Found God in Prison
11 June 2007
For some convicts, it takes years and a couple of shankings in the back before they bow down to the Power of God, but for Paris Hilton all it took was three days for the hotel heiress to “find God” while in prison. Or at least that’s what she told pandering “journalist” Barbara Walters over the phone. Yes, over the phone. Paris Hilton admitted to Walters that she’s found God over the phone. Says Paris: “I used to act dumb… It was an act. That act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who look up to me.” Wait, that was an all act??? Holy Cow, the girl is a brilliant actress!
George Lucas Pooh-Poohs SPIDER-MAN 3. No, Really.
11 May 2007
George Lucas, king of Skywalker Ranch and all that falls onto its property, recently called Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man 3″ a “a silly movie”, and that “there just isn’t much there. Once you take it all apart, there’s not much story, is there?” Well, George, it’s no “Star Wars: Episode 1″, “2″, or “3″, that’s for sure. I mean, shit, George, give us a break. Venom and the Sandman in CGI form emoted better than your direction of Natalie Portman (I still cringe at her Godawful performance) and Hayden Christensen. I mean, hell, George, if not for the fact that you casted really good actors like Ewan McGregor, Christopher Lee, et al, your “Star Wars” prequels wouldn’t even rise to the level of a middle school play, acting-wise. But maybe I’m just still pissed at that whole Jar Jar Binks debacle. Holy Mother of God what were you thinking there George?
Jessica Biel: “I’m Too Sexy for Hollywood”
5 May 2007
In a recent interview with Elle Magazine (out on newstands now, by the way), Hollywood starlet and star of “Next” Jessica Biel bemoans the fact that she’s such a hottie that she can’t get respect in Hollywood, thus isn’t landing roles that she wants. Says Jessica about the whole situation: “Parts that I really want aren’t going to me. Like The Other Boleyn Girl’ with Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. I don’t want to say that there’s nothing I love that I can have. But there’s still the occasional script that the director doesn’t want to see you for. They want that top tier of girls.”
Ashlee Simpson Continues to Wallow in Denial about Plastic Surgery
26 April 2007
Seriously, who does Ashlee Simpson think she’s kidding? It’s been what, a year since she got a nose job? And apparently she didn’t stop there. You can see the dramatic transformation she made from “punk wannabe” to “big sister wannabe”. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes and two brain cells to rub together that Ashlee is trying, little by little, to look like big sis Jessica Simpson. In a recent interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Ashlee continues to live the lie that she’s “I loved how I looked… I’m not an insecure person, nor was I before.” Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Hence the plastic surgery. Because you love how you looked. Riiiiiiight. Wink wink.
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9 June 2009