The Random Stuff of Interests Page

Your Weekend Send-off: Doutzen Kroes in a Bikini

Let’s face it, most models these days got the job because they’re tall and skinny, even though they have the body of a 12-year old boy and an even less impressive rack. You can’t say that to our Weekend Send-off, the gorgeous Dutch model Doutzen Kroes. Take a look at that body and tell me she’s never seen the inside of a gym before, and I’ll call you a liar. Not sure who the guy is in one of the pic, I could do without him, but eh, beggars can’t be choosers. Bikinis by Calvin Klein. Rockin’ body by Doutzen Kroes.

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The Entirely Doable Doutzen Kroes

Our very doable model of the day is the underrated Doutzen Kroes, a Victoria’s Secret model who doesn’t get nearly the screentime of your Gisele, Adriana, or Alessandra. I’m guessing the fact that her name is Doutzen Kroes might have something to do with it. I could be wrong, of course, but it’s probably easier to sell “Here’s Adriana!” than, say, “Look, it’s Doutzen, and she’s selling perfume!” “Who?” “Doutzen!” “What is that, someone’s name? Sounds like spoiled ham.” Et cetera, et cetera. Joe Q. Public may not be ready for Doutzen, but we at the Random Page are more than ready. And of course by “ready” what I mean we’ve already unbotton our pants and are now working on the zipper.

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Victoria’s Secret Angels at the Beach. In Bikinis. Thank You, God.

So in case you missed it (what are you, stupid?), the Victoria’s Secret fashion show brought its whiz-bang over to Miami Beach for one of those exclusive fashion shows where hot girls dress up in lingerie and pretend they want to do you. All of you. Even Slow Johnny, who can barely answer the phone without vomiting. Anyhoo. So, while in Miami Beach, the Victoria’s Secret angels decided to go out for a walk on the beach. In matching white two-piece bikinis. Okay, so it was more like another crass commercial photoshoot, but am I complaining? Hell no! There were way too many angels there to get them all, but all the major ones were there, including Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel. So what do you do when you have these many hot girls in bikinis at the same place? Well, trying to get them all into your eyeball would just damage your eyeballs beyond reason, so let’s play “Find the Victoria’s Secret Angel with the tramp stamp!” One of them has it. Can you name her? I bet you can’t!

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What Do you Call a Gaggle of Victoria’s Secret Models in One Location? Heaven, of Course.

When you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you basically have one job: sell, sell, sell. Sell what? Um, whatever it is they think of to sell, which could be anything from undies you can eat to machineguns. Okay, so Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell machineguns just yet, but trust me, it’s only a matter of time. (Yeah, right, like you guys wouldn’t buy an assault rifle if Miranda Kerr was holding it in an ad — while dress in her undies, of course. Two, please!) So with the holidays on the horizon, the Victoria’s Secret girls are out in force doing what they do best — selling the brand. Now normally this many hot women in one place would give me the vapors something awful, but since I’m not a Southern Belle, I’ll just have to deal with it. Present and accounted for are Heidi Klum, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr. (I think there is one girl there who I haven’t seen before…)

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Morning Hotness with Doutzen Kroes

How would you like to wake up in the morning with 5′9″ Dutch Goddess Doutzen Kroes slithering about on your bed and asking you in that sweet, sweet voice of hers, “You know, I don’t always hop into the sack with the first guy who buys me Mentos at a bar.” Okay, so maybe a Dutch supermodel won’t jump your bones after you bought her a roll of Mentos, but it could happen. Chicks dig Mentos. Especially hot chicks from the Netherlands like Doutzen Kroes. I hear they, like, worship the fruity goodness of Mentos over there or sumthin’. In any case, here’s a nice way to start your Thursday — with a does of smoking hot Doutzen Kroes to take in. Ah, I love me some Thursdays…

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Fridays with Doutzen Kroes

When posting a supermodel, it’s always preferable to catch them in their bra and panties, because let’s face it, as supermodels, these girls spend 90% of their time in their bra and panties. But when you have someone that looks as good as Dutch supermodel Doutzen Kroes, maybe catching them with their clothes on isn’t so bad, either. I would prefer the former, but the latter ain’t such a bad way to start a Friday. And so, without further jabberin’ about, here’s Doutzen Kroes for Fridays. Hey, “Doutzen Kroes for Fridays”. That’d make a great band name, don’t you think?

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Random Supermodel of the Day: Doutzen Kroes

I’ve never been to the Netherlands, but I hear they have some pretty nifty, er, plants for sell. Plus, the girls seem to be really hot, but then again, it could just be that Doutzen Kroes is raising the expectations for Dutch beauty to an obscene level. But in any case, expect to see more of Doutzen Kroes’ enticingly limber legs for years to come, as she’s signed a 3-year deal with Paris makeup giant L’Oréal.

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