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Gisele Bundchen Brings the Thursday Sexiness

18 June 2009

Just once, I’d like to see a picture where Gisele Bundchen doesn’t look like she’s ready to climb on a fashion runway and strut her stuff for a gazillion bucks a second. Oh who am I kidding. No I don’t. What am I, suddenly gay? Cause I’m not, you know. Which is why I can easily drool over these pictures of Gisele Bundchen in some Victoria’s Secret commercial outtakes. No idea what she’s selling here, but I’m guessing bra or panties or underwear of some sort. Cause, you know, that’s what VS sells. Anyways, where was I? Oh right, Gisele Bundchen brings the Thursday sexiness like it’s going out of style.

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Your Weekend Send-off: Gisele Bundchen Laying Down on the Job

5 June 2009

In a bikini, of course, because let’s face it, why the hell would we spend any amount of time making a post on Gisele Bundchen if it’s not to show her in a bikini? The woman made her fortune on wearing a bikini and flashing skin, for God’s sake. Mind you, not that I’m blaming her. I’m just saying. Gisele Bundchen needs to be in a bikini for us to care. Otherwise it’s about who she’s dating, and when was the last time any guy cared? Okay, if it was them she’s dating, they would care, but no other time at all. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh right. Here’s your Weekend Send-off with Gisele Bundchen laying about in a bikini.

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Your Weekend Send-off: Gisele Bundchen’s Cleavage

8 May 2009

The last we heard, Gisele Bundchen had gotten hitched to Tom Brady of the New England Patriots. Or maybe they’re just engaged. I would do some research to bring you the facts, but what the hell is this, Wikipedia? Go type in Gisele Bundchen and get your own facts, dammit. Anyhoo. So here’s Gisele Bundchen somewhere doing something in a very nice, revealing dress. She’s such a nice gal this Gisele Bundchen that she even leans over to let the photographers snap some pics of her fine, very very fine Brazilian cleavage. Thank you, Gisele Bundchen’s cleavage! Now go home and get drunk, ya bums. The weekend is here!

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Gisele Bundchen is Assless in V Magazine

20 July 2008

Remember those behind-the-scenes pictures of Brazilian supermodel (or as I like to call her, Potential Wife #5) sporting assless jeans for a photoshoot? We wondered what magazine she was doing that for (well, okay, we didn’t exactly “wonder”, we sort of just ogled and went on our merry ways), and now we know. V Magazine are the great guys who brought us assless short jeans wearing Gisele Bundchen, and on behalf of men everywhere, I would like to thank them for their patronage. Thank you, V Magazine! From this day forth, you shall be known to us as, The Great V Magazine That Brought Forth Assless Gisele Bundchen — or Assless V for short.

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Gisele Bundchen is Hot Even with Fugly Hair

23 April 2008

Now I’m no hair stylist, and the last time I paid for a haircut was around five years or, give or take a couple of freebies, but good God that is one ugly haircut Gisele Bundchen is sporting in this issue of DT magazine. Seriously, you don’t know how hot you really are until you can show up in a magazine cover sporting this kind of ’60s, or ’70s, or whatever era that haircut is from, and still look good enough that men holding this magazine and staring at that picture would still walk head-first into traffic and get run over by a semi, which, in case you don’t know, really smarts.

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Does Gisele Bundchen Make you Horny, Baby?

16 April 2008

This post’s headline is a trick question. Here’s the answer: if you have testies, and you don’t look at a dude’s butt when he walks by, then yes, Gisele Bundchen certainly does make you horny and tingly all over. Word from a guy who knows a guy who once read a newspaper is that Tom Brady’s supermodel Brazilian girlfriend is currently being sought after by Mike Myers to play his shagadelic girlfriend in the newest Austin Powers movie. I don’t know if that’s true or not, or if it’ll pan out, but it’s an excuse to post new pictures of Gisele Bundchen, and I’ve never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

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The Big List of Chicks Who Make Lots of Money in 2007

13 April 2008

US Magazine, a trade publication that I read every day while Vietnamese ladies of varying hotness and age do my nails and give me a nice rubdown, has a list appropriately called “What People Earn”. You know, because seriously, that’s, like, um, wow, that’s not a very creative list. But anyways, it gets the point across, and I suppose that’s what matters. And the point is that Miley Cyrus made $18 million last year, while fellow chick Jessica Alba made a measly $9 million. Hah! Jessica should be ashame of herself. She needs to work harder and stop getting knocked up is what she needs to do.

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Best … Job … EVER

4 April 2008

You can keep your $500,000 a year job on Wall Street or the one where you pretend to be someone for 3 months on a movie set and get $20 million and change, but for my money the best job in the world has to be wiping down Gisele Bundchen’s ass. I’m serious. That can, as perfect as it is, probably gets too hard with the sun staring down at it, especially when she has to wear that assless jeans for whatever commercial she’s doing — and where can I get a job on said commercial, by the way? Check out the best job ever. If that guy wiping down Gisele’s ass isn’t gay, he is the luckiest man in the world.

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Controversial Gisele Bundchen and Lebron James Vogue Cover

1 April 2008

Oh sure, so this post is, like, two weeks late and change, but give me a break, the day it broke I was busy with something else. This Vogue cover with Lebron James acting all King Kong like with Gisele Bundchen (as Fay Wray, of course) got people riled up mid-March when it came out. At that time, I was busy with something else; hey, stalking the neighbor girl is hard work, you know, especially since she started realizing I’ve been peeking into her bedroom through the little hole I drilled in the back of her house, but perhaps I’ve said to much. Anyhoo, here’s that cover. I think it’s pretty harmless, but then again, I’m not black, so what do I know.

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Gisele Bundchen Windsurfs in a Bikini

19 February 2008

You know the only thing that was missing from the recent 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue? Yup, that’s right. Gisele Bundchen. But then again, that’s the past, and Gisele Bundchen has moved on to bigger and better things. I’ll be shock if Marisa Miller, SI’s current covergirl, will be here next year, or the year after that. Okay, maybe one more year, but after a while, you gotta move on, right? Which is probably why Gisele Bundchen was somewhere doing some wind surfing, and looking good enough to clone while all the other girls were fighting for spots in the SI swimsuit issue. And damn, does she look fine enough or what? Tom Brady may have lost the Superbowl, but so what, when he gets to go home to this?

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Stars as Disney Characters: Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Rachel Weisz

5 February 2008

Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella, Jessica Biel as Pocahontas, and Rachel Weisz as Snow White? Hey, why not, we’re tired of seeing the same ol animated girls, why not slip a famous celebrity into the role, photograph it, and use it to promote Disneyland? Um, yeah, that’s the idea. I have to admit, the Jessica Biel as Pocahontas one is really hot, but the Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella brings up all manner of ideas that would break the law in a number of States in the Union. And just for laughs, there’s model Gisele Bundchen as Wendy from Peter Pan and Jennifer Lopez as Jasmine from Aladdin.

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Pats Lose Superbowl, Tom Brady’s Life is Still Jealous Worthy

4 February 2008

It was the stunner of the year — the perfect New England Patriots, 18-0 coming into Superbowl 42, got their asses handed to them by the New York Giants’ insane, insane, insane defense. Final score: Giants: 17, Patriots: 14. Ironically, the Giants’ upset over the Patriots reminded me of the 2002 Superbowl, when the Pats upset the heavily favored Rams. Go figure. This means Tom Brady won’t be getting fitted for his 4th Superbowl ring. But before you feel too sorry for Tom Brady, remember this: He’s going home to Gisele Bundchen (below), and we’re … not.

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Gisele Bundchen Bikini Pictures

22 October 2007

Posting bikini pictures of supermodels like Gisele Bundchen is like posting pictures of Britney Spears showing the world her sha-ka-ka-boom (if you know what I mean). Yeah, sure, it’s nothing new, and we can see it pretty much everywhere, but that still doesn’t mean it’s not kinda exciting to see Britney Spears’ sha-ka-ka-boom (if you know what I mean). But I digress. Here’s Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen doing some down time lounging at the beach in a two-piece bikini. You know, I don’t know if Gisele Bundchen actually eats, and if she does, I have no idea where the food goes, because the woman doesn’t have a single ounce of fat on her. Have I mention how much I hate Tom Brady and his friggin’ perfect life? Oh yeah, can’t forget to put that in there.

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Gisele Bundchen Tops 2007’s Top-Earning Models

18 July 2007

Gisele Bundchen makes too damn much money for doing very little. Or at least I don’t see her doing very much, but it’s not like I’m stalking her or anything. Anyways, she must be doing something right, because the girl pulled in a whopping $33 million in the last 12 months, according to Forbes, who lists the 15 Top-Earning Models for 2007. Coming in second was coke-snorting model Kate Moss with a weak $9 million, while German Heidi Klum, virgin Adriana Lima, and Double A of Hotness Alessandra Ambrosio came in 3rd, 4th, and 5th, respectively. (Klum scored $8 million, while Lima and Ambrosio managed $6 million both.) Frankly, if it was up to me, Adriana Lima should top the list, since she refuses to “top” any man out there. Supposedly, hint hint.

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The Highest Paid Supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, Leaves Victoria’s Secret

11 July 2007

In Brazilian Supermodel news, Gisele Bundchen, currently the highest paying supermodel in the world, has left lingerie monster Victoria’s Secret after Victoria (or whoever runs it) refused to bump up her annual $6 million a year salary and $50,000 per catwalk appearance. According to this, Gisele mad over $38 million last year alone. Who was her closest competition? Actress/model (but mostly actress now) Milla Jovovich made $11 million last year, while German’s toppest model, Heidi Klum raked in $10 mil. Who says it doesn’t pay to look good?

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Memorial Day Treat: Hot Chicks and American Flags

28 May 2007

Everyone is “for” Memorial Day, when we honor the men and women in uniform who served this country, and for some, even gave their lives, but how many are willing to put their body where their mouth is? These celebrities are more than willing to show their appreciation for the country using their righteous bodies. Granted, one of the women below isn’t even an American, but hell, that’s not going to stop us. It’s all about the stars and stripes, baby! Hot chicks plus the American flag equals one hell of a great Memorial Day.

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Tom Brady Caught Wearing a New York Yankees Cap

4 May 2007

So let me get this straight, Tom: You play for the New England Patriots, which happens to be located in the same state as the Boston Red Sox, whose most hated rival happens to be the New York Yankees (”The Evil Empire” and all that jazz), and you get caught walking on the New York streets with your supermodel girlfriend (who apparently relocated to New York for) wearing a New York Yankees cap? Man, you gotta be five shades to Sunday Stupid to do something boneheaded like that. Then again, I think both the Red Sox and the Yankees blow, so I’m kinda enjoying seeing this uproar over a — gasp! — cap. (Personally I blame it on the hot Brazilian supermodel girlfriend…)

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Hanks to Get $35 Mil for DA VINCI CODE Sequel, Gisele Bundchen Joining Cast?

26 April 2007

The rad dudes over at Cinema Blend thinks they know what is going on with the “Da Vinci Code” sequel (or prequel), “Angels and Demons” (which will once again be directed by Ron Howard). In particular, they have a source that tells them Tom Hanks will be paid a handsome $35 million just to reprise the role — but wait, that’s not all! According to CB, Hanks will also be getting as much as 25% of the movie’s gross earnings, which means he could potentially make as much as $50 million when all is said and done. For one movie. Cripes. And oh yeah, CB was also told that the studio is trying to sign Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen to co-star with Hanks, and that her agent is demanding somewhere around $13 million for her troubles. Um, really?

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Gisele Bundchen in Maxim

8 March 2007

Now if you were to ask me why Brazilian supermodel and all-around “most desirable woman in my dreams” Gisele Bundchen is in Maxim Magazine, the lad’s mag of record, I’d tell you that I have no idea. She’s a supermodel, she does runways and magazine covers, so why Maxim? Usually the only people who does Maxim are up-and-coming actresses looking for publicity and has-been actresses looking, well, a publicity. You don’t normally see an established, still-in-her-prime supermodel hitting the magazine. But hey, what am I complaining about? Even in black and white Gisele Bundchen is a vision of supermodel nirvana.

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It Doesn’t Suck to be…Gisele Bundchen

22 January 2007

Gisele Bundchen is 5′10, 26 years old, and she makes more money than God. Well, okay, maybe not more than God, but she certainly makes more money than all of us combined, coming in 16th place on Forbes’ Top 20 Richest Woman in Entertainment, a list that includes Oprah Winfrey. She once dated Leonardo DiCaprio before, rumor has it, moving onto Tom Brady. She’s Brazilian, she’s got legs that go on forever, and she can get any man she wants. And oh yeah, there’s that whole modeling thing, where she’s required to walk up and down a narrow path for an hour and then make millions. Damn, where can I get that job?

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