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Halle Berry is Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive. Like, Ever.
Ah yes, it’s that time of the year again, when every magazine worth their salt (and some not so much) comes out with their “Sexiest Blah Blah Blah” list. In this case, it’s Esquire Magazine, who has crowned 42-year old recent mommy Halle Berry as the Sexiest Woman Alive. In like, the entire history of men. Or until next year’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” issue comes out, anyway. So what makes Halle Berry so special? Well, she’s hot, she’s got a pretty rocking body, and that rack ain’t no joke. And besides, how many Hollywood actresses you know who can knock out a kid and spring back in a few months looking just as awesome as ever? Well, actually, pretty much all of Hollywood does that. But I digress. So, in honor of Halle’s latest accomplishment, here’s her recent spread in Esquire. Check out the issue on newsstands everywhere.
Halle Berry Thinks Jews Have Big Noses
24 October 2007
Preggers Halle Berry was recently on Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show when she made a crack about Jewish people having big noses. Or as she puts it, while showing a picture of herself with a CGI-distorted nose, “This one, I don’t know, this is like my Jewish cousin.” To with Leno, ever the quick-witted comedian, replied with, “I’m glad you said it and not me.” According to E! Online, the attempt at a joke was quickly covered up by NBC at Berry’s request: the network silenced Berry’s telling of the joke with a fake laugh track, which is probably for the best, since the real audience sat in stunned silence at the racial remark. Ouch. Hey, Halle Berry may be an unmarried and pregnant dumb broad, but she’s one hot unmarried and pregnant dumb broad.
Gabriel Aubry has Knocked Up Halle Berry
6 September 2007
The big news around the celebrity gossip watercooler (a place I try to avoid, it being kinda stinky and all, especially in the afternoons) is that Oscar winner Halle Berry is 3-months preggers with the love child of Canadian male model Gabriel Aubrey (the couple pictured left). And here I thought the only good thing about being a male model was banging hot chicks and, er, well, I guess that’s pretty great, considering who Aubry has bee putting it to since 2005. Says Berry about the news: “Gabriel and I are beyond excited, and I’ve waited a long time for this moment in life. Now the next seven months will be the longest of my life!” Expect a rush marriage followed by a divorced a year or two from now.
A Reminder of Halle Berry’s Hotness
23 August 2007
Every now and then one needs to be reminded of a woman’s inherent hotness. Such is the case with Halle Berry, whose recent spate of box office disasters are rather substantial. Here’s a reminder of why Halle Berry was famous before she even won an Oscar for “Monster’s Ball” — simply put, the woman is incredibly gorgeous. Hopefully Halle’s box office fates will improve with “Tunia”, “Class Act”, and “Who is Doris Payne?” Oh who am I kidding. All those movies sound Godawful, and Halle’s box office mishap will most likely continue. Which means I’ll have plenty of opportunity to remind you why you shouldn’t forget about Halle. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.
Geek Love: Top 10 Comic Book Movie Babes, Part 2
15 June 2007
Welcome back. As a refresher, here was our Top 10 Comic Book Movie Hotties from #10 to #6 (in part one here): Jessica Alba as a brainy Sue Storm in “Fantastic Four”, Emmanuelle Vaugier as Painkiller Jane, and #8 to #6 all hailing from the “X-Men” films: Kelly Hu as Lady Deathstrike from “X-Men 2″, Famke Janssen as Jean Grey, and Rebecca Romijn as Mystique. And now, then, are the top 5 Comic Book Movie Babes, starting with…
Geek Love: The Women of X-MEN
11 May 2007
You know you love them; you know they’re one of the reasons why you’re a geek in the first place — the women that populates your movies and stories also happens to be girls that are waaaaaaaay out of your league. (Unless, of course, you can shoot beams out of your eyes or can sprout adamantium claws, then you ain’t getting into these women’s pants.) But hey, you don’t have to, because we’ve compiled for you the Women of the “X-Men” films. And yes, this will be a regular column from now on.
Halle Berry Gets a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
4 May 2007
The big story here is that Halle Berry (on the strength of her Oscar winning role in “Monster’s Ball”, one presumes, or maybe it’s just because she’s really hot) has gotten her very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s a really exclusive club, too, only, er, 2,332 others have gotten one. Um, anyways. During the ceremony, Halle Berry showed off the talents that got her that star in the first place. And yes, seeing Halle Berry on her hands and knees and smiling from ear to ear is indeed a dream come true. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have new fantasy scenarios to whip up…
Halle Berry Too Hot for Life, Esquire
11 April 2007
Halle Berry recently came out in some magazine or TV show or a combination of both that she once contemplated committing suicide because of some problems with her sex-starved husband. But she didn’t do it, which is what really matters, because, let’s face it, if this spread in Esquire magazine proves anything, it’s that Halle Berry may be too unnaturally hot for life, but death could never handle this much scorching heat. Of course I’m being facetious, and we’re all glad Halle Berry didn’t off herself, because that would be wrong and other junk.
Halle Berry’s “Perfect Strangers” Confuses Me
28 March 2007
So Halle Berry has a new movie coming out called “Perfect Strangers”, a sort of psycho sexual suspense thriller where Berry plays a journalist who goes undercover in the world of online dating when her best friend gets herself murdered doing the same thing. Berry hooks up with Bruce Willis, the prime suspect and whose character is a high powered something-or-rather, and they have a lot of rough sex and what have you. (Or at least that’s what the trailers indicate.) Anyways, that was then, now the studio is promoting “Perfect Strangers” as some kind of conspiracy thriller, talking about “the agency” and how once you go in, you don’t come out. Which leaves me confused: Is this a psycho sexual thriller (in which case I’m definitely looking forward to it), or is it another lame-ass conspiracy movie (in which case I’m gonna just stay home)?
Halle Berry Wants an “X-Men 4″, but Not “Catwoman 2″?
12 January 2007
Apparently Halle Berry isn’t tired of playing Storm in the last 3 “X-Men” movies, because she wants you, the fans, to write to Tom Rothman, the franchise’s producer, and demand a fourth installment. Why? I have no idea. Apparently Berry knows a cash cow when she sees one, and she wants to squeeze those mutants until they run dry. Here’s what Halle said via Superhero Hype: “But I have something to ask you guys. You guys really love X-Men? Ok, here’s what you have to do. Write letters. Every one of you in this building who love X-Men and want to see X-Men 4, write a letter to Tom Rothman at Fox and tell him so and you will get another one, and I’ll be there too.”
Sunday Treat: Halle Berry’s Cleavage
5 November 2006
Talk about a bountiful Sunday Treat! Now granted, a movie star attending a movie awards show isn’t much to crow about (they attend like 50 thousand or so a year, right?), but when it’s Halle Berry in a slinky evening number showing an awful lot of leg and some mucho cleavage, well then, it’s a special occasion? Here’s Halle at the BAFTA/LA Cunard Britannia Awards revealing, once and for all, why she won that Oscar for “Monster’s Ball”. (And no, I ain’t talkin’ about her actin’…)
Halle Berry Plays a White Woman in “Class Act”
5 October 2006
Well it ain’t exactly “Catwoman”, but then again, how many movies can be “Catwoman”? Riiiight. As I was saying, Oscar winner Halle Berry has signed on to play the lead in “Class Act”, about a teacher from Reno, Nevada, who ran for office on the condition that her students would help her with the campaign. The teacher’s name was Tierney Cahill, and I’m assuming she won, or else this would be a kinda sucky story. Best part about this? Cahill is white and Berry is, well, I don’t really know what Berry is, although she keeps wanting us to know that she isn’t white, so…
Gratuitous Halle Berry Posting
26 July 2006
In absense of any actual news or worthwhile hot celebrities to post pictures of, here’s Halle Berry walking her puppies. Yup, she has two white puppies, and looks none to please when the paparazzi spots her. I don’t know why. She’s looking quite gorgeous. It must be nice to be so hot all the time without trying. Damn celebrities and their perfect genes…
Halle Berry is Dating a White Guy
10 July 2006
A white surfer dude, to be precise. Halle Berry’s last “man” was her husband, who was black, but who she dumped because he was addicted to sex and kept straying. How anyone would be addicted to sex and stray away from Halle Berry is one of those mysteries only Jesus himself could comprehend. Anyways, here’s Halle Berry with her white boy toy walking down the driveway of her Hollywood home. You know what they say, “Once you go white, you never go, er…” Let me get back to you on that.
Weekend Treat: Halle Berry
25 June 2006
Some late weekend treats for you kids, this time the chocolicious Halle Berry (“X-Men’s” Storm) who I can’t figure out if she’s black or white or somewhere in-between. I’m going with just “really hot woman” and leave it at that. See, we’re colorblind at the site; that’s how we roll, kid! Or somesuch and so forth.
Halle Berry is all X’ed Out
4 June 2006
If you’ve been watching TV this week, you probably saw Halle Berry on every TV show imaginable shilling for her movie “X-Men: The Last Stand” (aka “X-Men: The Last Stand, Unless it Makes a Ton of Bucks, then It’s Not Really the Last Stand”). And why not? Take a look at the poster and you’ll notice that her name and Hugh Jackman’s comes before the title of the movie — the sure sign of massive egos and their PR people at work. Here’s Halle Berry as Storm, whose character used to speak with some sort of African accent in the first two parts, but judging by the previews, Halle has stopped that nonsense in Part 3.
Halle Berry is Feeling Frisky
31 May 2006
I have absolutely no idea where these pictures of Halle Berry “getting her groove on”, as the kids would say, on stage is from, but man, are they, er, strange or what? One picture has her literally groping her herself, another she’s “air-riding” something, and in two of the pics she’s humping two guys wearing costumes. The only explanation? Halle’s mutant powers have gone to her head. Either that, or her ex-husband is a big dummy for divorcing her.
More “X-Men 3″ Cleavage — er, I Mean, Premiere Pictures
26 May 2006
If you’ve seen enough of these “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” Cannes pictures, then you’ve probably noticed a couple of things: Halley Berry has great cleavage, Rebecca Romijn seems way too happy, and Brett Ratner is all hands. Seriously, people in the Middle East have lost hands for lesser offenses than the way this guy gropes his female stars. Then again, after lusting after Lindsay Lohan and company, it’s probably a shock to see Ratner go after actual grown women. Anyways, here’s the women of “X-Men 3″ doing something somewhere looking fabuloso. And did I mention that Halle Berry has a killer rack and that Rebecca Romijn is way too happy?
“X-Men 3: The Last Stand” Premiere in Cannes
25 May 2006
You know, since this was the biggest premiere in the known universe for “X-Men 3: The Last Stand”, a comic book movie with superheroes and whatnot, you’d expect a little bit more, well, mutant stuff happening at the world premiere. Where are all the cheaply-paid extras wearing ill-fitting X-men uniforms making fools of themselves for the camera? Oh well. We have Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Rebecca Romijn, and everyone’s favorite beserker marauder, Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine). They sure are purty, aren’t they? (By the way, the young girl among the hotties is Ellen Page, who plays Kitty Pryde in the movie. I think.)
Anna Paquin X-Men 3 Photocall
22 May 2006
Like all actors in a major movie, lovely young Anna Paquin is required to do these photocalls where she and the other actors from her movie (in this case, the upcoming mutant flick “Xmen: The Last Stand”) gather in one place for photographs. Here’s Anna and fellow x-babes Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Rebecca Romijn, and of course, Hugh Jackman from the flick doing the press photo thang.
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8 October 2008