Hit and Run Dumbass Rampage Jackson is Easy to Catch

Now I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the career of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, but I do know a little about him. He’s a UFC fighter, and before that, he was doing Pride Fighting. The first time I saw him, he was bodyslamming some poor Japanese dope into the mat over and over again until the dude surrendered. Then he won the UFC champ by knocking out some guy, then some guy knocked him out and he lost the champ recently, and now it looks like Jackson has been arrested for hit-and-run. While he was driving a big-ass truck with big-ass tires. With his portrait painted on the side. Of the truck. Yeah, not exactly hard to spot the dude, as you can imagine.

Angie Everhart Arrested for DUI

Remember the stunning news that Angie Everhart was engaged to midget actor Joe Pesci? And if you thought that was shocking, consider this: Pesci dumped her! No, I shit you not. In any case, Angie Everhart’s life has just gotten worst, because the sorta-actress was recently arrested for DUI in Los Angeles. Cops pulled her over at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday last week, and she is due in court May 15. Can you believe the nutso quality of Angie Everhart’s career? A super hot woman gets engaged to a has-been actor, then gets dumped by him, and now gets busted for DUI. Oooooh boy. Then again, considering her lack of a movie career, maybe getting arrested is the best thing that has happened to her. It’s when you CAN’T get arrested in Hollywood, as the saying goes, is when you need to worry.

Vanilla Ice Arrested for Domestic Abuse

Ice ice busted? Okay, not exactly the most original line, but hey, Vanilla Ice (real name Robert Van Winkle, if you can believe it; wait, doesn’t “Robert Van Winkle” actually sound like a better rapper name than “Vanilla Ice”? But I digress…) was just busted by Florida cops for spousal abuse on April 10. Check out his mugshot below. More: “According to the arrest report, the 39-year-old rapper’s wife called the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office saying he had kicked and hit her. She later told deputies he had only pushed her.” Go to jail Ice, go to jail Ice, go to jail Ice, go?

Naomi Campbell is one Crazy Bitch

Seriously, why haven’t we put this crazy bitch in prison yet? She’s a menace to not only herself and everyone around her, but the general public at large. She’s beaten the crap out of her assistants, thrown people down stairs, and stabbed my aunt (or at least that’s what my aunt says; she could be lying, but I don’t think she’d make something like that up, would she?), and now, her latest escapade has Naomi Campbell spitting at a cop at London’s Heathrow Airport. No idea if this was before or after she was removed from a British Airways flight in handcuffs.

Shia LaBeouf Wanted by the Cops for Smoking

Quick question: did you know it’s now illegal to smoke outside on the sidewalk in some cities, such as Los Angeles? Apparently so. Actor Shia LaBeouf was recently cited for “unlawful smoking” (whatever the hell that means) and ticketed. I shit you not. This is not April and this isn’t some April Fool’s joke. MTV’s got this story about LaBeouf now having a bench warrant out for his arrest when he failed to show up in court to pay his “unlawful smoking” ticket. Holy shit. Did someone replace my country with Nazi Germany and forgot to tell me about it?

Mary Ann aka Dawn Wells Busted for Pot

Well, I guess this is one way to get back in the news, right? There’s an old saying in Hollywood, that once your career is over you can’t even get arrested in this town. Well Dawn Wells, 69, formerly Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, did get arrested, but she was in Idaho at the time. (One out of two ain’t bad.) Wells was busted by a Teton County sheriff’s Deputy (I don’t know where the hell that is, either) with marijuana in her car. She’s set to serve six months’ unsupervised probation for the bust. Best part of the story: Wells blamed the marijuana smell coming from her car on three hitchhikers she had given a ride to earlier. Nice one, Mary Ann!

Eliot Spitzer aka Client 9 Likes his Prostitutes Pricey

Wall Street must be dancing today, because their bogeyman, Eliot Spitzer, has been caught with his pants down — literally. Well, okay, maybe not literally, but he was caught arranging by phone to get his pants down with a high-priced call girl last month. Today, the self-righteous Spitzer (who liked to style himself as a “crusader” i.e. ambitious political hack) aplogized publicly for boning a woman other than his wife, which is a damn shame as the wife still looked like she could go a few rounds, if you know what I mean. But hey, that’s a politician for ya. Was it any surprise that the guy who crusaded to destroy those “Wall Street villains” turned out to be a dude who likes to whore around behind his wife’s back? More on Spitzer, or as he’s known by the hos, Client 9, and his whoring ways.

Bai Ling Charged with Petty Theft, is Still Generally F–ked Up

Remember not all that long ago when Bai Ling first showed up in Hollywood as an ex-Chinese Mainlander who dared to challenge the Chinese status quo by doing that courtroom movie with Richard Gere? Well, that was a loooong time ago, and the Bai Ling we now think of is the really screwed up one who goes to parties, movie premieres, and other assorted Hollywood functions wearing dental floss and showing her, as the Texas gals would say, “cash and prizes” to all the world to see. And now she can add petty theft to her list of Hollywood credits. Check out her mugshots to the left. Strangely, she looks better there than the, say, 5,000 other pictures we’ve seen of her covered in grisly make-up!

Ex Beauty Queen Kumari Fulbright Indicted for Torture, Kidnapping

Former Arizona beauty queen Kumari Fulbright has been a very, very bad girl, and is just one of many former and current beauty queens who have gotten themselves into trouble. But oh boy, Kumari Fulbright really took it further — she didn’t do some blow or took off her clothes, but instead she kidnapped and tortured her ex-boyfriend! Or at least that’s what the cops say. And the victim? Her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend. Yup. I guess the rumors are true: No one dumps Kumari. NO ONE, dammit!

Mischa Barton Arrested for DUI, Narcotics

So can we say, “Well, there goes Mischa Barton’s comeback”? I don’t know, because a hot celebrity being arrested isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Look at Paris Hilton, for example; a stint in jail just meant more endorsement deals! And Lindsay Lohan. No one’s put the lid on her movie career coffin just yet. So why should Mischa Barton being arrested overnight in New York for DUI and possession of illegal narcotics, according to Reuters, put an end to her still-in-the-makings movie career? This is Hollywood, after all. Getting arrested is street cred! Besides, the girl’s too hot.

Kiefer Sutherland to Serve his 48-day Jail Sentence

Thanks to the crappy writer’s strike, FOX’s Season 7 of 24 is on indefinite hiatus. Basically, the network doesn’t know if they can run the show’s seventh season all the way through the way they have been the last few years with the strike still going on and the season still haven’t finished shooting yet, so they’ve shelved the entire season until the strike is over. Which basically means it’s gonna take forever, and we might not even get a Season 7 at all. Anyways, the one good news (sort of) is that Kiefer Sutherland can now start doing his 48-day jail stint now so he won’t have to do it when the show does gear back up for production. If it ever does. Anyhoo, this is Kiefer Sutherland’s mugshot when he surrendered. Jack Bauer looks dapper, no?

Supernatural’s Katie Cassidy is a Bad, Bad Demon

Actress Katie Cassidy may play an indestructible and bullet-proof demon on the CW’s Supernatural, but the poor girl can’t handle her liquor in real life. The 21-year old actress and daughter of David Cassidy of Partridge Family fame was nabbed sometime in October for being intoxicated and giving false information to the cops when the car she was riding in was pulled over. From Zap2It: “She said that she was scared and that was why she lied,” reads the report. “She said that she is a Hollywood actress and that this would not look good for her.” But of course Katie was being silly. In Hollywood getting caught by the cops drinking while underage is the surest road to super stardom. Just as Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney Spears, and on, and on, and on…

Wesley Snipes: “Florida is out to Get Me”

By now you might have heard that Wesley Snipes is currently on trial for tax evasion charges. If not, well, then you just don’t appreciate the Blade movies, which means you have no taste in movies. Well, with the exception of the third Blade movie. That one just sucked donkey balls. Here’s your Wesley Snipes on Trial update (cue theme music!): Snipes wants the court to move his trial out of central Florida because he believes it’s too racist. No, really. Here: “In a motion filed Monday in U.S. District Court, Snipes’ lawyer argued that the U.S. Attorney’s Office willfully selected the Marion County seat of Ocala because prosecutors “deliberately chose the most racially discriminatory venue available to the government with the best possibility of an all-white Southern jury where Snipes has never resided.” See? Now you can add Florida to the group of people out to get Wesley Snipes because he’s just too cool for them to handle.

Shia LaBeouf’s Police Mugshot

Heh. Shia LaBeouf sure looks proud with himself in this police mugshot, doesn’t he? Then again, maybe he’s just stoned. Or sloshed. Or a combination of both. The 21-year old “It” movie star of the century (he counts Transformers and the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel to his credit) was arrested early Sunday morning after he refused to leave a Chicago Walgreens at 2:30 AM. LaBeouf, who appeared to be intoxicated, was popped after he ignored a security guard’s demand to leave the drugstore, and as a result ended in the pokey. He was charged with misdemeanor criminal trespassing and is scheduled to appear in court on November 28th. Check out the kid’s mugshot (via). Priceless, huh?

Britney Spears Charged with Hit-and-Run in L.A.

Get a good seat, boys and girls, because the Britney Spears Train Wreck continues unabated, and it’s just about to reach yet another zenith. New comes out of L.A. late Friday that Britney Spears has been charged by the Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office with hit-and-run and driving without a valid driver’s license. Apparently Brit Brit, as she likes to be called, can’t drive worth a damn, and hit a parked car before taking off. Apparently she didn’t think anyone would know, but oh how wrong she was. So what kind of penalties will she face if (and that’s a big IF) convicted? Well the maximum fine L.A. can lay on her is six months in jail and a $1,000 fine, but I doubt if that’ll happen, if the precedence set by Hollywood Train Wrecks like Lindsay Lohan and her ilk are any indication. It’s L.A., baby, don’t try to figure it out.

Lindsay Lohan to Get 1 Day in Jail

And they say it doesn’t pay to be a celebrity in America. Suckers! The latest celeb to escape the hangman’s noose despite a string of arrests and borderline psychopathic activity is Lindsay Lohan, who manages to avoid the same fate that befell Paris Hilton late last night. The troublesome starlet has escaped a lengthy stint in prison after striking a plea bargain with authorities. Lohan will get a day of jail time and serve 10 days of community service, as well as complete a (*cough*HAR HAR*cough*) drug treatment program under the deal. Yet another reason why I’m moving to L.A. as soon as I get famous. Hell, where else can you commit crimes with impunity and get away with it? God Bless L.A.! And now, in unrelated news, bikini pictures of Lindsay Lohan wearing an ankle bracelet.

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

The guys over at People Magazine chronicles the rise and fall of Hollywood tart Lindsay Lohan in their current issue (”From Rehab to Arrest in 11 Days” is the title). They have a number of great pictures in the issue, including one where Lindsay Lohan poses in a two-piece bikini with her ankle bracelet clearly visible. One thinks she did it just to show off the bracelet, which basically tells you that she never took her sobriety seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that wearing the ankle bracelet that was designed to detect if she was boozing it up was some kind of status symbol with her. “Look, guys, I’m like totally gangsta!” Or some such.

Lindsay Lohan Busted for DUI, Cocaine Possession … Again

You knew it was coming, didn’t cha? I think everyone did:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Lindsay Lohan was arrested in the Los Angeles area early on Tuesday on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession, just days after she completed a 45-day rehabilitation program, authorities said. Police said they had received a report of a car chase and that Lohan and two companions were in the pursuing vehicle. A police spokesman said he believed the people in the two cars knew each other.

Michael Vick Indicted for Dog Fighting, Cruelty

Michael Vick is one dumb sonofabitch. He’s rich beyond his wildest dreams, he lives in a mansion, and he still can’t stop himself from doing dog fighting. Not only is he using his dogs to fight in death cage matches, but the Atlanta Falcons quarterback has supposedly killed some of his dogs that didn’t “prove” themselves enough, or maybe they lost. According to the indictments filed by authorities against Vick and three other associates, “losing dogs either died in the pit or were electrocuted, drowned, hanged or shot. The indictment said purses climbed as high as $20,000 for fights.” Jesus H. Christ. What is wrong with this guy?

Police Dash Cam Video of Ex-Playmate Jennifer Lynn Jackson Arrested for DUI

Is it wrong of me to think that watching ex-Playboy Playmate Jennifer Lynn Jackson staggering around the side of the road is kinda hot? Okay, maybe that is a little bit creepy, but you gotta admit, this is one funny video. (Scroll on down to see the video of the police car dash cam video if you just can’t wait.) Jackson was a 1989 Playmate who got pulled over for DUI, but that wasn’t all. Inside the car, cops found a bag of marijuana. But wait, that wasn’t the end of it! The poor girl apparently also stole some cigarettes from a store moments before! But I don’t care. I still think Jennifer Lynn Jackson is kinda hot. There’s something about the fallen beauty queen that is so hot…