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Rapper Eve Busted for DUI in L.A.

27 April 2007

What is the deal with rich black celebrities crashing expensive exotic cars? First Eddie Griffin demolished a rare Enzo Ferrari while doing PR rounds for his movie “Redline”, and now female rapper/actress Eve has destroyed an Italian Maserati earlier today in L.A. by ramming a cement divider with it. Says cops, “She also ran over a metal sign on the divider which warned drivers it was there.” Yikes. I guess Eve is taking her role as “the first Lady” of DMX’s Ruff Ryders just a little bit seriously there.

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THE DAY AFTER the Chinese Lawsuit

13 April 2007

Remember that idiotic sci-movie “The Day After Tomorrow” (from 2004) about how we’re f’ing up the environment and now tornadoes will start appearing in New York’s Times Square and my basement will turn into the next ice age? Well someone is claiming that the entire story is a theft. Namely, a Chinese writer from China. Li Jianmin, 43, filed a lawsuit against 20th Century Fox over alleged copyright infringement, saying the film copied the “creative conception and plots” of two stage plays he had written in 2001 and 2002, the Xinhua News Agency said.

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Former Family Ties Kid Brian Bonsall Arrested for Domestic Violence

2 April 2007

Alex P. Keaton would so not approve of what little Andy (aka former actor and now ska punk rocker Brian Bonsall) has done, namely beat the living bejesus out of his live-in girlfriend in Boulder, Colorado, where the former child star was booked for domestic violence. Says People.com: Bonsall’s girlfriend told officers he poured an alcoholic drink on her face as she slept, put her in a chokehold and threw her onto a bed. Bonsall told police he acted in self-defense when she cut his arm and face with a steak knife, which she denied. Well at least he wasn’t stingy with the liquor.

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L.A. Wants to Throw the Book at Paris Hilton

30 March 2007

Oh, Paris. So young, so rich, so much free time, and so blonde. Reuters reports that L.A. Prosecutors asked a judge on Thursday to revoke Paris Hilton’s probation for reckless driving, a result that could land Paris in jail for up to 90 days. Not exactly chain gang time, mind you, but probably the equivalent of 50 years to a spoiled hotel heiress whose biggest idea of “work” is not having the right shirt to go with her $5,000 shoes. But I digress. So what was it that has the L.A. Prosecutors so gung ho to throw the book at Paris?

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Vivica A. Fox Busted for DUI

22 March 2007

(Via E! Online) The 42-year-old actor was busted Tuesday night for drunk driving after the California Highway Patrol pulled her over for speeding, according to an arrest report obtained by E! News. Per the CHP’s report, officers spotted Fox’s silver Cadillac SRX traveling eastbound at 10:57 p.m. on Los Angeles’ 101 Freeway “at a high rate of speed” and drifting in and out of its lane. After clocking the vehicle going 80 miles-per-hour, officers pulled Fox over and observed that she was exhibiting “signs of alcohol intoxication.” Wow, Vivica A. Fox is 42-years old? Damn that’s one fine old woman!

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Sylvester Stallone Charged With Banned Hormones in Australia

13 March 2007

Hey, yo, Sylvester Stallone is in trouble Down Under! While promoting “Rocky Balboa” in Australia, authorities found 48 vials of banned human growth hormone on him, landing him in deep ca ca. Today, the Aussie authorities have officially charged Stallone with the offense, which comes with a maximum fine of $96,600. Stallone will have to return to Australia to enter a plea for the charge (he’s currently shooting the latest “Rambo” movie in Thailand) but there shouldn’t be any jail time, so I guess there won’t be a real-life “Lock Up” to look forward to. Too bad, it would have been fun.

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Paris Hilton Busted for Having No Talent

2 March 2007

Okay, okay, so maybe Paris Hilton wasn’t arrested earlier this week for pretending to have talent. She was actually ticketed for driving with a suspended license. Heck, she wasn’t even arrested. Or thrown in jail. The pokey. The Big House. The place where you must never drop your soap. She was ticketed. How lame is that? I’ll tell you — so lame I have made up a word for it: superlame-o. If I was stopped for driving with a suspended license, I’m pretty damn sure I would have been thrown into the back of the police car. But hey, that’s what I get for not being born rich and spoiled and starring in a grainy sex video that shows I don’t even have any sexual talents, either. Anyhoo, the AP has got a pretty entertaining article about how they tried to ignore Paris Hilton, and what (or didn’t) happen as a result. Read it here.

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“Goodfellas” Star Ray Liotta Arrested

19 February 2007

Yo, Ray, just because you played a mobster in the movies who gets away with, literally, murder, it doesn’t mean you’re gonna get away with it in real life, dumbass. What am I talking about? Apparently “Goodfellas” star Ray Liotta was arrested over the weekend for DUI, Driving Under the Influence. I.e. he was drunk off his ass, ala Mel Gibson. I wonder if he blamed the Jews, too? This is sad news for the actor, as he just won an Emmy for a stint on “ER”, too. Read on for the details…

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Tawny Kitaen: The Golden Years

18 December 2006

She went from being a model to a music video starlet to getting cuffed for cocaine possession. Now Tawny Kitaen is going into rehab to avoid a 3 year stint in prison for felony charge stemming from possessing of 15 grams of cocaine. Now personally, I think anything more than 10 grams is kinda overdoing, but what do I know. In honor of Tawny’s incredible fall, here are some “golden years” pictures of her. Remember when Tawny was a sex kitten? Yeah, me, neither, but according to these pictures, she used to be one.

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Snoop Dogg in Dog House Again

29 November 2006

If this is not a clear case of police profiling, I don’t know what is. After he was on Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” last night performing, Snoop Dogg got stopped by the Five-O, as the kids call them, on his way home from the studio. He was nabbed with “marijuana, cocaine, a firearm and a false compartment in a car” (source). Now I don’t know what he was using that false compartment for (probably the latest Elmo doll, as I hear that’s popular “on the streets”), but man, I’m not quite sure if I should feel sorry for Snoop or snicker. I mean, come on, the guy has become rich off selling the image of himself as a dopefiend, so why would you be surprise the cops might think you are a dopefiend?

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Borat Gets His Ass Kicked in New York City

13 November 2006

I guess like me, not everyone thinks Borat is that funny. And apparently having a #1 hit movie in America doesn’t mean you’re bulletproof from getting your ass kicked, especially in New York City, home of muggers, beggars, and mugger-beggars. Here’s news that Sacha Baron Cohen got royally whooped (as in bitch slapped) when he tried to prank a NYC passerby as Borat. Thankfully for Cohen, buddy and “House” star Hugh Laurie was there to rescue his dumb ass.

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Daniel Baldwin Arrested for Grand Theft Auto

9 November 2006

Daniel Baldwin (brother #323 of the Baldwin Brothers Brood) continues his vehicular troubles. After rear-ending a couple of parked cars in July of this year, Baldwin has gone and got himself arrested yet again, this time for suspicion of grand theft auto when he was stopped driving a car reported stolen, says the AP. Now he’s in jail with bail set at $20,000. Considering Baldwin’s “movie career”, that $20K is gonna be hard to come by lest brother Alec comes to the rescue. Baldwin’s already got a couple of drug reps on his sheet as well, which provides the mother of all irony as Baldwin played a cop on “Homicide: Life on the Streets”, and has played his share of cops on a slew of direct-to-video/cable/my garage movies.

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Wesley Snipes Says “Uncle” to Uncle Sam

2 November 2006

There are only three certain things in life: Death, Bad (and Unnecessary) Hollywood Sequels, and Paying Uncle Sam’s Tax Money. Apparently Wesley Snipes agrees, because the “Blade” star has agreed to a payment plan to pay back the U.S. Government for all those millions in back taxes he owes. This means no jail time for Snipes, who will be allowed to keep working in and out of the U.S. After all, you can’t make the man pay if you throw him in the slammer. There are all those crappy direct-to-video action movies waiting to be done, and Steven Seagal can’t possibly do them all — even though I’m sure the Fat One would try.

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Wesley Snipes is a Fugitive

17 October 2006

Oh, how the bigtime have fallen. Remember when Wesley Snipes was the black Hollywood star? His “Blade” films did gangbuster business, and then — nothing. Snipes inexplicably disappeared to Romania, where he did a ton of crap direct-to-video action movies that nobody but me saw. And now Uncle Sam wants to punish the former action star further — by jailing him for tax evasion! Yikes. Read on…

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Paris Hilton vs. Shanna Moakler — Who Ya Got!!?

4 October 2006

It’s tough being hot, talentless, and husbandless (yes, that’s a word and I’m sticking to it) in Hollywood, hence probably the reason why hotel heiress Paris Hilton and former Playboy playmate Shanna Moakler got to swingin’ earlier today at around 1:00 a.m. at the Hyde Nightclub, where all the young pretty people party, or so I’m told. TMZ got the full scoop, and it ain’t pretty. Well, it kinda is, we are talking about the pretty people here, but it’s also half retarded; but then again, Paris is involved, so that’s to be expected.

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Paris Hilton Might Go to Jail for DUI. Oops.

26 September 2006

So it appears as if that whole shenanigans with the DUI earlier this month hasn’t blown over completely for Mizzus Paris Hilton, because news is that she will face DUI charges, which carries a maximum $1,000 fine and possibility of a six month stint in jail. We’re not talking about Martha Stewart jail, either — oh wait, maybe. Who knows where they put rich white females in L.A.? In any case, we feel sorry for Hilton, as we’re sure even a brief jail stint will harm her career — oh wait, what the hell am I talking about? This girl had a sex tape where she displayed some Godawful bed skills and she still blew up (har har)! This will only help her career. Just ask Robert Downey Jr. As long as you don’t badmouth the Jews, you can basically smuggle 50 pounds of cocaine into the States using your cooch and Hollywood will still love you for it.

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Fake U.S. Agent Nabbed for Trying to Guard Jolie’s Body

15 September 2006

Some people will do anything to get close to Angelina Jolie, like this dummy, who posed as a Homeland Security Agent in order to get a job providing security for Mother Teresa Version 2.0 and her Boy Toy Brad Pitt. Nelson Mercado tried to get a job at the security company that works for Jolie by flashing some fake Department of Homeland Security creds and rolling around in a black-tinted Ford Crown Victoria registered to “U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security of America” because, you know, he didn’t want to be confused with the “U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security of France” or somesuch.

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Paris Hilton in Handcuffs for DUI

8 September 2006

Look, kids, it’s a hotel heiress in handcuffs for suspicion of DUI! See, OJ, rich white people can get arrested, too. (And just like all rich people, she’ll get a slap on the wrist and then let loose to menace society once more!) What I want to know is, why are there a line of cops there? How many uniform police officers does it take to handcuff, then escort a drunk hotel heiress into a police station for booking? Or do you think they might have heard the stories, and wanted to try their luck… Hmm…

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Paris Hilton Arrested for DUI

7 September 2006

Schadenfreude strikes again, with news that hotel heiress, bad actress, unwanted singer, and bendable plastic doll paparazzi trophy Paris Hilton was arrested early Thursday on suspicion of DUI, most likely after being denied entrance into some “hip” club or something idiotic like that. Hey, when you’re idiotic, little shite like that will get you all afluttered and junk.

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Haley Joel Osment Faces Jail Term for Marijuana and DUI

21 August 2006

Oh, Haley Joel. How could you possibly go from being nominated for an Oscar before you can even spell “Oscar” to facing 6 months of jail time for drunk driving and marijuana possession? Of course he wouldn’t have gotten into this mess if he hadn’t crashed his car into an L.A. suburbs on July 20th, breaking his ribs in the process…

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