Spinal Cord Damage is Funny
Granted, there’s nothing overly funny about cervical spine bone fracture or the spinal cord damage, but if done right, it’s good for a chuckle or two. Here’s the premise of this video from Japan: “The object of the game was to stand back to back and try to knock the other person off the raft into the rice field. Watch the guy in the red jacket in the second round, suffered a cervical spine bone fracture and the spinal cord damage.” That’ll teach him to play games on TV when he’s supposed to be working. And apparently, according to that flashing “Live” sign, this thing was live on Japanese TV when it happened. Fake or real? You decide.
Reporter, Meet Fly. Fly, Meet Reporter’s Mouth.
Think you’ve seen all the foul-mouthed reporter caught on tape on the net? You probably haven’t seen this one yet. A reporter is out in the open field doing a report when a fly flies right into his mouth. He starts spitting it out, cursing like a sailor all the while, and starts getting into a diatribe about “this country ass f–k up town”. The funny part is, pay attention to the beginning of his report — he’s smooth as anything you’ve seen on the news, but once the fly goes into his mouth, it all falls apart. Anyways, I wonder if he ever got out of this “country ass mother f–ker”?
Scientologists Talks About Being Scientologists. One Word: Awesome.
So what’s it like being a Scientologist? Hey, everyone wants to know. Some say it’s a cult. Others say it’s an honest to goodness religion designed to help you get through with life, to help others, and as Tom Cruise would say, to save people involved in car accidents. Or something like that. Anyhoo, here’s a good refresher course on what it means to be a Scientologist. And yes, I’m pretty sure the dude in the plaid shirt i.e. the country guy is a plant, while everyone else is real. Maybe. So what’s it like being a Scientologist? In a word: it’s friggin’ awesome, dude. See and hear it for yourself if you don’t believe me.
Family Guy Puke-a-Thon
Let’s face it, if you can’t laugh at a perfectly brilliant puking scene, you just don’t have a sense of humor. Or maybe you’re just too damn high-falutin’, in which case, what the heck are you doing on this site? So here’s a pretty damn funny puking scene from Family Guy. It’s 90 seconds long, and features Peter, Brian, Stewie, and Chris trying out some new drink (I have no idea what that thing is) and trying desperately not to puke. Needless to say, they fail. Miserably. You haven’t laughed your ass off until you’ve laughed your ass off at a baby puking his guts out and then bawling, and then puking some more.
Women + Oprah = Thank God I’m Not a Chick
To be honest with you, I don’t know if this says more about the cult of personality that is Oprah, or the women who watches and attends her shows, or just women in general. So check out this clip from Oprah’s show, where she announces that she’s NOT going to be giving away free stuff to her audience, but her audience goes bonkers anyway. Remember, she said she’s NOT going to be giving away free stuff, but all they hear is “Oprah’s Favorite Things” and goes completely insane. I mean, out of their motherlovin’ minds. Now I don’t know if Oprah ended up giving these moonbats free stuff or not, the video is only two minutes long, but holy mother of God, I am so glad I’m not a chick. Seriously, if not for the boobs and you know what down there, I wouldn’t even bother with the lot of ‘em.
John McCain on Saturday Night Live: He’s Old
If you’ve been listening to the Democrat talking heads on TV (and pretty much whenever they get the chance they’ll tell you), John McCain is old. Really, really old. So old that, apparently, if a wind blew at him, it would blow him to another State. McCain has heard it, heard the late-night jokes, and he decided to not fight it; instead, he joined in. I saw the tail end of his guest appearance on Saturday Night Live last night, and found the YouTube version. My favorite: “The oldness it takes to protect America, to honor her, love her and tell her about what cute things the cat did.” Will it backfire? Who knows. America loves people who makes fun of themselves. It might just be crazy enough to work for the old timer…
Olivia Munn is a Dirty, Dirty Girl
How hot it is to listen to a really hot girl talk dirty? Olivia Munn is one such hot girl, and she was talking pretty dirty in this behind-the-scenes clip from her Complex video shoot. Basically it’s just two minutes of Olivia sitting in a chair doing a gag about which male body odor spray will make a girl jump your bones, and if that works, what else would it do? She also throws out some Asian jokes and a couple of f-bombs, so don’t play this while you’re at work, boys, and I know some of you are at work right now. You dirty, dirty little bastards. What are you doing visiting this site while your boss is walking up and down the hallway? Anyhoo. Olivia Munn talks dirty. God, she’s hot.
Han Solo Grabs a Handful of Princess Leia Boobage
Can you really blame Han Solo for grabbing a handful of Princess Leia boobage after seeing her in that gold metal bikini being fondled by the disgusting Jabba the Hutt? I bet while he was trapped in carbonite Han Solo had nothing but time to think about how he’d grab himself a handful of Princess Leia goodness when he got the chance. And as luck would have it, the chance came during the battle for the Ewok moon, when Princess Leia gets blasted, fell down, and Han Solo made his move. (Han Solo? More like All-Hands Solo!) Way to go, you rogue! (The video was put together by these guys, who had too much time on their hands, God bless’em.)
Bill O’Reilly Needs Words. Words!!!
Remember that old Saturday Night Live skit with Will Ferrell as one of those really lame personalities on a morning talk show, where the teleprompter suddenly dies and Ferrel and his co-host goes nuts, eventually becoming cannibals — all because the teleprompter refuses to “give them words” to read? Well apparently that’s not so far fetch. Here’s an old clip of Fox News’ Bill Oreilly blowing a huge gasket after he doesn’t quite “get” what his producers are trying to say on the teleprompters. Either that, or Bill doesn’t like Sting. Either way, it’s funny as hell, and shows you two sides of Bill O’Reilly — check out how quickly he shifts from nice on-air guy that’s all smiles to a raving lunatic throwing out f-bombs and verbally abusing his studio guys. Holy crap, this one’s gonna go around for a while!
Charles Barkley Gets Punked on TNT
I love Charles Barkley. Not because he’s the smartest guy on TV, or the best basketball player to ever play the game despite being grossly overweight, but because it’s so fun watching him on TNT’s pre and post-game shows. I love the fact that Barkley will always say what he thinks, even when it turns out to be completely wrong. And let’s face it, even fans of Charles will have to say that the dude gets a lot of things wrong. Like, 9 out of 10 things he says turns out wrong, especially on basketball. But he’s a riot, and during a recent TNT showing, Charles got punked. Reading teleprompters are so easy that sometimes those reading it don’t even bother to think about what they’re reading. Here’s one such occasion. You’ve been punked, Charles!
It’s On! Stephen Colbert vs Rain Dance-Off
Now I’m not a Stephen Colbert fan or anything. I think the guy is funny, but I’ve seen him on the Daily Show, and he works in two to five minute spurts, but a whole show around him doing his shtick? I don’t think I could take it. But even as a non-fan, I know he’s been doing this gag where he challenged South Korean pop star and now “Speed Racer” actor Rain (or Bi, as he’s also known) to a dance off. Apparently Rain has been saying no — UNTIL NOW. So yes, there’s Colbert cleaning the cameras in his studio late at night when Rain arrives for the much-anticipated dance off. I have to admit, Colbert is pretty funny here, but pretty much only because he’s not doing his jackass shtick.
Tiffany Shepherd: Too Hot for Teacher
Hey, we all wish we were hot, don’t we? Of course, sometimes being hot just isn’t enough — or maybe, it ends up being too much, and it gets us fired. From our teaching job. Because we moonlight in a two-piece bikini on a yacht and somehow some people who weren’t meant to see it found out. You know, the usual story. That’s exactly what happened to 30-year old Florida teacher Tiffany Shepherd. To be honest with you, she’s not even all that hot — a mildly attractive girl with ugly tattoos and a huge rack. Wait, did I say she wasn’t even all that hot? I meant, she’s incredibly hot. The huge rack really helps, you know. An actual news report (yes, an actual news report) on her firing and some gratuitous shots of her in bikini via a video salute. God bless the public education system. And the Internets.
A Family of Idiots on Deal or No Deal
Let’s face it, no one goes on the game show Deal or No Deal and pays any attention to the models. Or at least, most of the girls don’t. The guys? Well, they’re probably DISTRACTED by the models. Too distracted to, you know, pick numbers, and stuff. (God, is this game for retards or what?) In any case, when the game show puts your SISTER on the game as one of the models, and the host keeps telling you to LOOK at her, don’t you? Apparently not so much, because the contestant on this edition of Deal or No Deal is completely clueless. Not her fault, since it appears her mom is also retarded. “She has to feel it”, says the retarded sister, when prodded by the host to LOOK at the models.
I Was RickRolled. Three Times in One Week.
If you don’t know what Rickrolling is, then you’ve also probably never heard of this new fangled thing the kids are always on called the Internets. “Rickrolling” is when someone intentionally provides the wrong link to someone, but instead of what the someone is looking for, the link takes them to a music video by ’80s artist Rick Astley for his song “Never Gonna Give You Up” on YouTube. In this week alone, I’ve been “rickrolled” three times, each time while searching for my daily sustenance. You know, links about kids in Africa, and how I can better help them. (Because, you know, I care. And junk.) In any case, the “phenomenon” has gotten so bad that YouTube has now disabled all embedding ability for the Rick Astley videos hosted on their site, but you can still see it from DailyMotion, who no one has, apparently linked to via “rickrolling”.
Presidential Candidates on WWE Raw
Let it never be said that there is a politician out there who has too much integrity to pander to pretty much anyone with a vote to cast. In an effort to get more votes, all the three Presidential candidates still left standing made their pitch to the WWE crowd in bad attempts at being funny. Hillary’s was just painful to watch, Barack’s was like listening to a tape recorder repeating the same crap over and over, and McCain’s made me want to punch myself in the face. I wouldn’t call this “haha” funny, it’s pretty damn funny in a, “Oh my God, that was so pathetic it’s sad” sort of “haha”. Which is, now that I think about it, really isn’t that funny.
This Guy Takes his Baseball Very Seriously
Remember that baseball video a while back when the manager, not liking a call, started crawling around the plate and even made-believe pulling and throwing a grenade at the umpire? Well this one is not quite as funny as that, but it is pretty damn incredible. In what looks like minor league ball (or maybe it was high school, one of those), a player is a dead duck on home plate if he had slid in, but in stead he — ready for it? ready for it? — LEAPS OVER the player and lands safe! Really, this guy takes his baseball way too seriously! He could have easily snapped his neck or something equally awful. But much props to the kid. Now THAT is serious commitment to one’s baseball!
Stupid Commercial Ideas: The Kobe Car Jump
I don’t know who came up with the idea for this Nike shoe commercial where Kobe Bryant fake jumps a car in his new sneakers, but they are a bunch of idiots. Mind you, any kid dumb enough to actually think he can jump over a speeding car with just the right “sneaks”, as the kids call it, probably deserves to be weeded out, if just for the sake of Darwinism, but you gotta admit that the commercial is bound to spawn a bunch of imitators among the throng of kids out there. Get ready for the inevitable lawsuits when some kids goes splat trying this stunt, sorta like what happens below, only for real.
Hayden Panettiere: Sexual Harassment is Wrong. Kinda.
Heroes star Hayden Panettiere thinks Sexual Harassment in the work place or in your daily life is wrong, even if it, you know, kinda makes you feel good when some dude you work with tells you that you’re hotter than Jessica Alba. But wait, what? Um, okay, sexual harassment is still wrong in this case. Or at least, that’s what my three sensitivity training courses have taught me. Who knew telling my co-worker that her ass is so tight she could squeeze them into my pocket was sexual harassment? Go figure. Anyhoo. Here’s Hayden Panettiere doing a sexual harassment PSA for the guys over at Funny or Die. Not all that funny, but at least Hayden isn’t whining about her life, ala Heroes, or crying over dolphins, and that’s a good thing.
French Soldiers are, like, Totally Badass
People are always making fun of the French. You’ve heard the jokes — they’re frogs, they don’t shower, they smell, and they’ve never fought a war they didn’t feel like surrendering on the first day. But as this video shows, the French are actually excellent soldiers, and are quite possibly some of the most dangerous men int he world. Yes, it’s true. Here are three such brave souls showing off their ability to take down a tank with an anti-tank bazooka. I’m telling you, if there were only more of these guys, France would have ruled the world long time ago. Vive La France!
Pothead Explains the Existence of UFO
Let’s face it, if you believe that aliens are showing up at your front door every other month and whisking you away into outer space via their groovy spaceship just to shove a cold metal rod up your butt, you’re either high or just full of it (and not necessarily full of the metal rod). Here’s a local channel talking to a pothead about the existence of UFOs. He believes they’re out there, but he doesn’t necessarily believe that they’re “little green men”. Makes no sense whatsoever, but then again, nothing about the UFO cult makes any real sense. It’s not necessarily the funniest bit I’ve seen, but it is kind of sad. This guy actually believes this stuff — or at least, when he’s high.