A Family of Idiots on Deal or No Deal
Let’s face it, no one goes on the game show Deal or No Deal and pays any attention to the models. Or at least, most of the girls don’t. The guys? Well, they’re probably DISTRACTED by the models. Too distracted to, you know, pick numbers, and stuff. (God, is this game for retards or what?) In any case, when the game show puts your SISTER on the game as one of the models, and the host keeps telling you to LOOK at her, don’t you? Apparently not so much, because the contestant on this edition of Deal or No Deal is completely clueless. Not her fault, since it appears her mom is also retarded. “She has to feel it”, says the retarded sister, when prodded by the host to LOOK at the models.
I Was RickRolled. Three Times in One Week.
If you don’t know what Rickrolling is, then you’ve also probably never heard of this new fangled thing the kids are always on called the Internets. “Rickrolling” is when someone intentionally provides the wrong link to someone, but instead of what the someone is looking for, the link takes them to a music video by ’80s artist Rick Astley for his song “Never Gonna Give You Up” on YouTube. In this week alone, I’ve been “rickrolled” three times, each time while searching for my daily sustenance. You know, links about kids in Africa, and how I can better help them. (Because, you know, I care. And junk.) In any case, the “phenomenon” has gotten so bad that YouTube has now disabled all embedding ability for the Rick Astley videos hosted on their site, but you can still see it from DailyMotion, who no one has, apparently linked to via “rickrolling”.
Presidential Candidates on WWE Raw
Let it never be said that there is a politician out there who has too much integrity to pander to pretty much anyone with a vote to cast. In an effort to get more votes, all the three Presidential candidates still left standing made their pitch to the WWE crowd in bad attempts at being funny. Hillary’s was just painful to watch, Barack’s was like listening to a tape recorder repeating the same crap over and over, and McCain’s made me want to punch myself in the face. I wouldn’t call this “haha” funny, it’s pretty damn funny in a, “Oh my God, that was so pathetic it’s sad” sort of “haha”. Which is, now that I think about it, really isn’t that funny.
This Guy Takes his Baseball Very Seriously
Remember that baseball video a while back when the manager, not liking a call, started crawling around the plate and even made-believe pulling and throwing a grenade at the umpire? Well this one is not quite as funny as that, but it is pretty damn incredible. In what looks like minor league ball (or maybe it was high school, one of those), a player is a dead duck on home plate if he had slid in, but in stead he — ready for it? ready for it? — LEAPS OVER the player and lands safe! Really, this guy takes his baseball way too seriously! He could have easily snapped his neck or something equally awful. But much props to the kid. Now THAT is serious commitment to one’s baseball!
Stupid Commercial Ideas: The Kobe Car Jump
I don’t know who came up with the idea for this Nike shoe commercial where Kobe Bryant fake jumps a car in his new sneakers, but they are a bunch of idiots. Mind you, any kid dumb enough to actually think he can jump over a speeding car with just the right “sneaks”, as the kids call it, probably deserves to be weeded out, if just for the sake of Darwinism, but you gotta admit that the commercial is bound to spawn a bunch of imitators among the throng of kids out there. Get ready for the inevitable lawsuits when some kids goes splat trying this stunt, sorta like what happens below, only for real.
Hayden Panettiere: Sexual Harassment is Wrong. Kinda.
Heroes star Hayden Panettiere thinks Sexual Harassment in the work place or in your daily life is wrong, even if it, you know, kinda makes you feel good when some dude you work with tells you that you’re hotter than Jessica Alba. But wait, what? Um, okay, sexual harassment is still wrong in this case. Or at least, that’s what my three sensitivity training courses have taught me. Who knew telling my co-worker that her ass is so tight she could squeeze them into my pocket was sexual harassment? Go figure. Anyhoo. Here’s Hayden Panettiere doing a sexual harassment PSA for the guys over at Funny or Die. Not all that funny, but at least Hayden isn’t whining about her life, ala Heroes, or crying over dolphins, and that’s a good thing.
French Soldiers are, like, Totally Badass
People are always making fun of the French. You’ve heard the jokes — they’re frogs, they don’t shower, they smell, and they’ve never fought a war they didn’t feel like surrendering on the first day. But as this video shows, the French are actually excellent soldiers, and are quite possibly some of the most dangerous men int he world. Yes, it’s true. Here are three such brave souls showing off their ability to take down a tank with an anti-tank bazooka. I’m telling you, if there were only more of these guys, France would have ruled the world long time ago. Vive La France!
Pothead Explains the Existence of UFO
Let’s face it, if you believe that aliens are showing up at your front door every other month and whisking you away into outer space via their groovy spaceship just to shove a cold metal rod up your butt, you’re either high or just full of it (and not necessarily full of the metal rod). Here’s a local channel talking to a pothead about the existence of UFOs. He believes they’re out there, but he doesn’t necessarily believe that they’re “little green men”. Makes no sense whatsoever, but then again, nothing about the UFO cult makes any real sense. It’s not necessarily the funniest bit I’ve seen, but it is kind of sad. This guy actually believes this stuff — or at least, when he’s high.
Weekend Video: Haitian Weathermen Don’t Play That
So it’s Friday, and before I head out for the weekend, not to be seen until Monday, here’s a little funny video to keep you tie over. (Oh who am I kidding. I’ll probably get bored and show up here on Saturday or Sunday to post a sexy spread of Stacy Keibler or something. Hey, Stacy Keibler, remember her? Anyways.) So here’s a very quick clip of a Haitian Weatherman (on a Haiti news broadcast, I’m guessing) reacting very strangely to a joke by one of the show’s host. His face says it all: “God, I want to punch you in your stupid face. That joke wasn’t even funny.” But then he breaks out in an absurd, forced laugh. Yet another reason why we should all watch out for weathermen.
Willie Nelson’s Daughter Paula is a Real Kick
Willie Nelson’s daughter, Paula, who is 29, don’t play that, yo. During a concert in Austin, a drunk got on stage and began lurching about, and that’s when Paula delivered a straight-kick to the dude’s gut, sending him flying off the stage and into the crowd. Luckily, someone was there with a cameraphone to capture the whole thing. Yes, it was probably a staged stunt to promote Paula’s upcoming album (everybody’s doing the viral thing now), but it’s still pretty cool to think that Willie Nelson has a daughter who doesn’t mind faux-kicking some dude in the gut off-stage to promote an album. Better than a wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl, right?
Hillary Clinton Didn’t Lie About Bosnia: Proof Inside!
The big brouhaha in the Good U.S.of.A has been Hillary Clinton’s, er, mistaken belief that walking around in the open air with some soldiers constituted “dodging sniper fire”. Some people have called what Hillary did lying through her teeth not once, twice, but three times on the same subject, but after a lot of digging, these guys were able to find the file footage that, indeed, showed Hillary Clinton and brave, brave Chelsea dodging sniper fire (or snipery, as Hill calls it), nuclear blasts, and general chaos on the Bosnian battlefields. And when called to do so, Hillary even picked up arms and took down a bad guy. I shit you not. The video proof is here!
South Park Kills Britney Spears
Leave it to South Park to do what the rest of America has been trying to do — kill Britney Spears. Of course, also leave it to Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make us feel all kinds of crap about how we’re treating Britney. Yup, in the second episode of the show’s 12 (!!!) season, Britney Spears escapes to South Park, where the paparazzi follows her and drives her to shoot herself with a shotgun. Well, actually, Kenny, Cartman, Stan, and Kyle sort of push her to blow her brains out in a motel, but you get the point. But instead of dying, Britney Spears continues to live with half of her head blown up. No, seriously. The whole episode was less funny than it was, well, kind of weird.
“Ooh Girl!” An Honest R&B Song
Let’s face it, all those R&B songs (basically, everything by R. Kelly, except the ones where he has sex with the under age girl and pees on her), are bullshit. What do these songs usually say? Something about rubbing her down and making love her to her all night. As every guy knows, no one has sex all night; it’s next to impossible. And guys aren’t generally very good when it comes to sex. (Or at least that’s what I tell my girlfriends. I think they believe me; when they giggle, it means they believe you, right?) Now here’s an R&B music video that tells it like it really is. Now look, girl, the reason why I don’t want to take my shirt off during sex is because I just had a big lunch. (Boston Market!)
Spring Break Follies: Teens Gone Stupid
Ah, Spring Break. It brings back memories, doesn’t it? Stupid chicks willing to do anything to get on camera, stupid dudes willing to do anything to get a stupid chick to do something stupid with him back in the van. And then you have the really stupid chicks who’ll do just about anything when they’re drunk, followed by the really stupid dudes who’ll lick a donkey’s ass for a longneck. You know, the usual stuff. What? Anyhoo. Co-Ed Magazine has some choice pics (some sexy, others funny) from the your favorite Spring Break destinations like Cancun, Alcapulco, my Uncle’s basement… you know, the usual places. A few of our favorites below.
Kiss Me, I’m Irish (In The Hood)
You know I love me some leprechauns, so since today is St. Patrick’s Day, here’s a clip from the movie “Leprechaun in the Hood”. Yes, you read that right. They put the evil, green jacket wearing Leprechaun (played, of course, by the fantastic Warwick Davis) in an urban neighborhood (i.e. “da hood”), and watch him go against Ice-T, playing a big-time gangster who gets shot dead by a dude in woman’s clothing. Later, the Leprechaun has to battle it out with said dude. Check it out, and kiss him if you see him, otherwise he might, you know, do evil Leprechaun stuff to ya. And there’s nothing worst then getting Leprechaun stuff done to ya on St. Patrick’s Day.
Hollywood Top 5: Greatest Sarah Silverman Moments
Let’s face it, when it comes to Sarah Silverman, we’re talking about a combination of girl-next door cuteness and just pure, unadulterated vulgarity spewing forth unrelentlessly from a sewer. The girl is as cute as she is vicious. And when presented with the opportunity to eviscerate someone and get a laugh out of it, Sarah Silverman is there like white on rice come hell or high water. You don’t think she’ll do it, but she’ll do it. And you know what? She’s funny as hell, too. Who could make a song about “f–king Matt Damon” not only hilarious, but start a whole trend? Here, then, are the Top 5 Greatest Sarah Silverman moments.
The Daily Show on the Eliot Spitzer Scandal
“Spitzer Swallows”. “Bang the Gov Slowly.” “[Bleep] Gate.” Okay, so I don’t know what went into the [Bleep] one, but I’m guessing it started with an “f” and ended with a “k”, but I could be wrong. Here’s Jon Stewart and the Daily Show’s take on the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal. A bit short; Jon and company usually goes pretty long with a scandal as delicious as this one, usually involving one of their faux reporters defending the topic of the scandal. But apparently they had the whole day set up to cover the Wyoming Presidential Caucasus (oh, joy), and, er, just didn’t have time to really go all out on the Spitzer deal. Oh well, maybe they’ll make up for it tomorrow.
Prison is Fun
Remember that video where basically the entire populace of a Filipino prison did a rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” music video? Well whoever ran that prison is at it again, this time he/she/it has got the prisoners doing “Jump” by the Pointer Sisters. Obviously when you think “prison rehabilitation” you don’t think “Pointer Sisters”, but if it works, hey, who am I to complain? See, kids, go and rob that liquor store, because prison is fun! Remember all that stuff about “shanking” that you heard about? Pure myth propagated by TV. Prison is actually fun, and you might even learn to dance while inside.
Video: SNL Fawns Over Obama Mania
Am I the only person left in America who doesn’t see the “charm” of Barack Obama? Oh sure, the dude can spin a speech when you put it on the teleprompter and all he has to do is read it, but try asking the dude a question without the teleprompter and it’s like talking to George Dubya Bush all over again. He stumbles and fumbles and barely gets a coherent word out. And apparently the media wants us to think that Obama is the second coming of Jesus H. Christ. Here’s a fantastic Saturday Night Live skit that makes fun of the media’s sad love affair with Obama. I didn’t think anything could make me feel sorry for Hillary, but I swear, the media’s obsessive man crush on Obama will just about do it.
Video: Student and Bus Driver Brawl
Is this close-circuit video of a bus brawl between an unruly 15-year old female student and a ticked off 47-year old female bus driver funny or tragic, or both? And come on, admit it, if you were the bus driver, you would have punch the 15-year old, like, the first time she screamed at you while still talking on the phone. Hey, kids nowadays, right? I personally blame it on the MTV they’re always watching. That and videogames. Er, anything else I can blame this “kids are bad” stuff on? I kinda lose track. All the ADD from watching MTV, you know. Wait, where was I? Oh right, bus brawl. Dude, check it out, chicks fighting on a bus!