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Japanese Girls with Meat on their Head vs. a Komodo Dragon

14 January 2008

God Bless the Japanese. I swear, if you looked up the words, “The World’s Craziest Game Shows”, you’d see the words, “See the Japanese people.” Because let’s face it, people, who else but the Japanese would think of a game show where nubile young girls put meat on their head, poke their heads up a hole, and let a Komodo dragon run around trying to eat the meat off their heads. The premise is that the girl who stays in her hole (har har) the longest wins. Obviously, the Japanese girls not being total idiots, most of them loses almost instantly. You HAVE to see this thing for yourself. I swear, God bless the Japanese.

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Iran’s Lame Ass Navy Harasses U.S. Warships

10 January 2008

If this view of a a bunch of Iran fast-boats harassing a group of U.S. Navy warships wasn’t so outstandingly awesome, it would be funny. I mean, can you imagine a bunch of speed boats harassing giant, towering, loaded-with-weaponry Navy ships by speeding around them? Is this Iran, a country trying to get nukes, or are they McHale’s Navy? Here’s the actual footage of the incident between Iran’s idea of a “Navy” (snicker) and an actual Navy in the Strait of Hormuz. Behold Iran’s secret naval power — a bunch of guys on boats that zips around really fast! My God, how could we ever win in a fight against these…behemoths???

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Halo’s Master Chief Comes to Dinner

8 January 2008

What happens when a futuristic super soldier comes to dinner? Well for one, the little brother wets his pants with glee, and then the dad wets his pants with worry that Master Chief might be part of a Latino gang. Or at least that’s what happens when Master Chief from Halo fame comes to dinner in a MadTV comedy sketch. Check it out, it’s pretty funny, and one of the reasons why I think MadTV is, bar none, the best skit show on TV right now. Yes, even better than Saturday Night Live. I don’t care how “live” SNL is, but when a bunch of people in a skit has to constantly look offscreen to read their lines, it just kills the comedy for me.

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Family Guy’s Top 10 Funniest Moments

7 January 2008

My daily readers (yes, all three of you) know that I’m something of a Family Guy fanatic. It’s a really funny show, and thanks to my insomnia and insanely constant re-runs on the Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim hours, I’ve seen pretty much every episode about a dozen times. Or two or three. So some guy recently compiled Family Guy’s Top 10 Funniest Moments. Now I don’t know how this dude managed to condense it into a Top 10 list, because if I was in charge, it would be, like, a Top 30 or something. Cause, you know, I love me some Funny Guy clips. Anyhoo. Check it out, and see if you agree. (And if you don’t just, er, don’t tell me about it.)

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Iowa Caucus Political Special: Obama Girl, Hillary, Mike and Chuck

4 January 2008

Let’s face it, politics suck, and politicians suck even more. Take the whole brouhaha happening over in Iowa at the moment. A bunch of rich politicians are trying to buy the votes of a bunch of white country folks for some kind of recognition. So what can you do but laugh at them? And how do you do that? You bring back Obama Girl, you dive into some Succubus Hilary (wow, Hillary with red lipstick, I’m so aroused), John Edwards being the empty suit and crappy hair that he is, and you return to the best political ad you’ve seen in at least 20 years, the Chuck Norris for Mike Huckabee ad. Bring on politics, baby, I ain’t ascared!

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Rosie O’Donnell is Parade’s Most Annoying Celebrity

2 January 2008

The good times just don’t end for Rosie O’Donnell, who has been voted by Parade Magazine readers as the Most Annoying Celebrity of 2007. Rosie beat out Paris Hilton, Ann Coulter, Heather Mills McCartney, and celeb blogger Perez Hilton, not to be mistaken with Paris Hilton. Other notable lists on the Parade site (here) includes “Who is the most adorable celebrity baby?” (Winner: Ben and Jennifer’s daughter, Violet Affleck), “Which celebrity jailbird is most likely to stay out of jail?” (Winner: Martha Stewart), and “Which event that made headlines in 2007 shocked you the most?” (Winner: Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt). Rosie, of course, took it in good stride. I guess those Vicodin must be working!

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Chuck Norris vs. the Blendtec — WHO YA GOT???

1 January 2008

No one can stop Chuck Norris, not even the Blendtec blender, and as we all know, the Blendtec blender can stop anything, even a cadre of the world’s baddest bad guys. Now if you combine Chuck Norris with the Blendtec blender, and it’s goodbye city for bad guys everywhere. Behold, the Blendtec and Chuck Norris, teaming up to rid the world of bad guys everywhere. God Bless Chuck Norris and Blendtec.

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Chris Matthew Creeps Out Erin Burnett

29 December 2007

Hey, who doesn’t think Erin Burnett is all that and a bag of cheetos? I mean, check out the girl’s looks and then add in the brains. Hot girls with brains are just, like, really hot. So it’s no surprise that Hardball host Chris Matthew has something of a crush on her, but come on, Chris, don’t be acting all goofy on the air by telling the girl to “lean in close to the camera”! I can honestly say that I’ve never seen a man act so lascivious (that’s pervy to you kids out there), not only in public, but on TV! Seriously, Chris, get a grip, man, or at least keep it in your pants during Erin’s segments. What a douche.

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Family Guy: Peter Gets a Job at Burger King

28 December 2007

You know I love me my Family Guy clips, especially all those non sequitur gags that the show is populated with in every episode. You know, the clips that have nothing to do with that episode’s storyline? Here’s one that I think kind of suits the time of the year, although yeah, to be fair, it’s kind of late. A couple of days late, actually, but hey, do it yourself if you wanna complain all day. Here’s Peter getting a job at Burger King, and standing behind the counter telling you that, “Ding! Fries are done.” Over and over and over again. I know, you gotta really love Family Guy to think this is funny, but luckily, I really like Family Guy, so this is REALLY funny to me.

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Ghost Caught on Gas Station Surveillance Tape

27 December 2007

Sometime on November 11th 2007, a gas station surveillance tape in Parma, Ohio appeared to have caught a blue gas-like ghost on video. Or did it? Um, I don’t know, but it’s kinda of interesting. I’m a big fan of ghost movies, and I can’t get enough of the Sci Fi Channel’s Ghosthunters TV show, as goofy as it often is, so this kind of stuff is really interesting to me. Take a look at the ghost footage for yourself and tell me if you believe it or not. “Why the hell is a ghost blue?” may be the question that immediately pops to your mind. I don’t know, maybe it’s feeling down. Get it? Feeling blue? Ahem.

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Video of UFOs over Haiti is a Hoax

21 December 2007

So there’s a video of two UFOs flying over Haiti that’s been pretty popular over at YouTube. Obviously we all know it’s fake, because let’s face it, the American Government (or any Government in the world for that matter) are full of incompetents, and to believe they can cover up UFOs flying over Haiti is giving them waaaaaaaaay too much credit. Anyways, the guy who posted this Haiti UFO video tells you why it’s fake: “The Trees are generated from the same 3D model. Their movements and look are identical. All the trees in the shot have identical leaf placements. The UFO’s and entire video is CGI, Its part of the Vue 6 Esprit – The Art of Natural 3D. Once you’ve seen the website and demo.” So there you go. Still looks kinda cool, though. How long has it been since we’ve seen a good UFO movie…?

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What Time is it? It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

16 December 2007

What time is it? It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Who knew something as simple as peanut butter and jelly, or as it’s known in the olden days, PBJ, could be such a viral masterwork? It went from this very simple video on YouTube to making an appearance in a Family Guy episode to entertaining sports fans at baseball games. And hey, what’s that guy in a banana costume doing on American Idol? That’s right, baby, it’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

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Winnie the Pooh Teaches Kids about “Bad Touching”

14 December 2007

Oh my God, what a bad, weird, and funny video from, from the looks of it, either the ’80s or ’90s. It’s a live-action Winnie the Pooh (a guy in a bear suit) teaching another guy in a bear suit (except this suit is pink) about “bad touching”. I think this is somehow supposed to teach kids about not letting strangers molest them, or something like that. Well, it’s pretty damn creepy, but then again, when you have guys in fake bear suits talking about “bad touch”, how could it NOT be creepy? Holy crap. Quite possibly the greatest (and most disturbing) thing I’ve ever seen.

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Original Family Guy Pilot by Seth MacFarlane

14 December 2007

Wow, I can’t believe I’ve never seen this before. It’s the original pilot of Family Guy by show creator Seth MacFarlane that, apparently he sent in to FOX as an example of the show he wanted to do. Everything you know and love about Family Guy and the Griffin family is here, except the art is not exactly smooth stuff, and it kind of looks like Seth ol boy drew everything on paper by hand. Also, not all the voices are the same as the ones from the regular show; Seth Green doesn’t do Chris and there are other differences. If you’ve already seen the episode (and chances are you already have), then there’s nothing really new here, but it’s interesting to see how it all started anyways.

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SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy with Will Ferrell

13 December 2007

When Will Ferrell slips on the fake ’stache and stands in front of the Jeopardy board, it’s good times had by all. There’s a running gag where Alex Trebek is constantly in a battle against Sean Connery, played by Darrell Hammond. Faux Connery is always making sexual innuendos and faux Trebek is constantly exasperated by the stupidity of the celebrity contestants. Oh sure, there are other faux celebrities in the skits, but it’s all about Trebek vs. Connery. There are tons of SNL’s Jeopardy skits all over YouTube, so I’d recommend checking out as many as possible because they’re all gold. Here’s one to get you started.

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Japanese Robot Wars!!

12 December 2007

Those wacky Japanese. You can always count on them to do something weird, whether it be the outlandish premises of their game shows, or what to do with their robots. In this case, robot battles! Well, actually, robot punching and kicking and whatnot. Nothing so far out like flying robots shooting photons at each other or anything, I’m guessing that’s still a few years ago. Knowing the Japanese, that’s exactly what they’re aiming for very shortly. Check out a couple of Japan’s “robot battles”. And yes, it’s all official and stuff.

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David Spade’s To Catch a Predator Spoof

7 December 2007

You knew it had to happen, and so it has — someone has made a spoof on Dateline’s infamous “To Catch a Predator” series. Here’s the thing about this spoof — it’s kinda funny, but not really. What it is is actually it’s kinda creepy. So instead of an old guy coming to a young girl’s house, it’s a young kid coming to an old guy’s house for, well, you know. Then David Spade pops out and interrogates the kid in the kitchen. Like I said, it’s actually more creepy than it is funny, but in a good way. Wait, is it even possible for something creepy to be good? Why the hell not? Check David Spade and Todd Glass out. Directed by Mike Carano.

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What the Hell is “Giving Him the Business”?

4 December 2007

You know, I’ve been watching football for a long time now, and I’ve been watching college football for even longer than the pros, and I swear I’ve never heard a referee call someone on a penalty for “giving him the business” to another football player. I kid you not. That’s what ACC ref Ron Cherry described a penalty he called on a North Carolina State player during this 11/24/07 game between the Wolfpacks and the Maryland Terrapins. Listen to the crowd go nuts and the announcers trying not to laugh themselves to death. What the hell is “giving him the business”, and how many yards is that again, chief?

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Akon Throws a Kid Off Stage

2 December 2007

You would think that the first thing Akon’s management said to him when he ewas “coming up” (as the kids say) in the music biz is never, ever bring a kid upstage and first, never ever molest him/her, and second, don’t pick him up and throw him off stage like you’re going through some uber roid rage. Which is exactly what Akon did at a recent concert. Apparently the kid threw something on stage, so Akon had his security people bring the kid up, at which point Akon lifted the kid up over his head like the Hulk or something and tossed the kid back into the crowd, where he landed on another girl! Well, the kid who got thrown off the stage wasn’t hurt, but the girl was (she’s now in the hospital!) and now Akon is being charged! Oh well, at least it looked cool when he was doing it, right? And getting charged for anything will just mean “street cred” for our kid-tosser Akon.

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The Wacky Canadians and Their Wacky Workplace Safety Ads

2 December 2007

So what the hell is this? It’s a video safety ad for workplace safety by those wacky fellas and gals over at the Ontario workers’ compensation board. I.e. Up there in mooseland, aka Canada. The purpose of the ad is to tell you to be safe around the work area, and it features a kinda attractive chef talking about her future, before she grabs a pot full of boiling water and promptly slips on something on the floor and spills the pot full of boiling water all over herself. The ad’s final shot is the girl screaming in agony with boils over all her face. This is somehow supposed to tell people to be careful around the workplace, but all I can think of is, “Dude, the Canadians are wacky, man, real wacky…”

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