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Hot Chicks in Jeans of the Day: Jessica Biel
Granted, Jessica Biel is supposed to be terrified in these pics from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake, but even terrified the girl looks hot. Smoking hot. And it’s not like she’s skinny and bones, either. That’s a fine womanly body right there, kids, and she fills that jeans up like something that fills up a jeans really, really well. I love the way they tied up her shirt, too. Classy, wardrobe people! Check out Jessica Biel in all her jean hotness from “The Texas Chainsaw massacre”.
Continue reading...Jessica Biel Stripper Scene from Powder Blue
9 December 2008
In the new movie “Powder Blue”, Jessica Biel plays a stripper who is really good at stripping, and who has a kid who is dying. Plus, that dude from “Ghost Dog” plays a guy who thinks he’s Santa Claus. Or something. Basically, it’s a movie where Jessica Biel plays a stripper, and I’m pretty sure she does other things in the movie, but, er, yeah, the stripping part. Unlike a lot of movie strippers who want to be edgy by saying they’re playing a stripper, but one that never takes off their clothes, apparently Jessica Biel’s stripper actually does take off their clothes, although her goodies are conveniently covered up by creative camera placement. One can only hope that the actual movie won’t be such a cocktease. But I digress. The video, and some choice stills from said video of Jessica Biel plying her movie stripper trade, hence. P.S. Yah, I know, sucky caps. I’ll replace them with better ones when a better version of the trailer shows up online.
Jessica Biel B&W Hotness from GQ
8 December 2008
Hey, remember Jessica Biel? Yeah, Jessica Biel. Remember she was the really, really hot actress who we weren’t very sure could really act, but boy, did she look good when required to wear form-fitting outfits ala “Blade: Trinity”? Yeah, her. She used to be Megan Fox, back before Megan Fox became the new Jessica Biel, who was then the new Jessica Alba. Or something like that. Look, the point is, it’s Monday, and I don’t have a whole lot of stuff for ya, except to say that Jessica Biel will be gracing the cover and pages of GQ magazine in their January 2009 issue, and you should check it out, cause it’s got really hot photos like these in it. And before I forget, be kind, please rewind.
Veterans Day Special: 5 Hot Chicks in Fatigues
11 November 2008
Who doesn’t appreciate the might of America’s awesome military? Well okay, if you’re one of those people who we happen to bomb on a regular basis, then you might not share this opinion, but then again, I’m sure you had it coming. Anyways, it’s Veterans Day, when we celebrate our men and women in the military, past and present, which means it’s time to use this opportunity to do a Veterans Day Special: 5 Hot Chicks in Fatigues, in which we list and show pictures of five ridiculously hot women in ridiculously hot military fatigues. Hey, that’s just how we roll around these here parts. You got a problem with it, you take it up with the naked cowboy in Times Square. And yes, that last statement does too make sense, you’re just too dumb to get it. Anyhoo, let’s get on to the girls and their fatigues, shall we?
Remember When Jessica Biel was Megan Fox?
27 October 2008
Remember when Jessica Biel was Megan Fox? Now all people can talk about is the girl who is the new Megan Fox. You know, that Megan Fox girl? Well before Megan Fox showed up with her puffy lips, ugly tattoos, and oh so smoking body, Jessica Biel was her. I don’t know if Jessica Biel can still be Megan Fox again. Then there’s this spread in Marie Claire, which is, though undoubtedly hot, is not exactly smoking hot, which is something you can pretty much guarantee when Megan Fox shows up in a magazine. So what I’m trying to say is, get it together, Jessica Biel! Let’s hope Jessica’s new movie, where she plays a stripper, puts her back on the charts. And oh yeah, while she’s at it, less Justin Timberlake, more Maxim spreads.
Megan Fox is 2008’s Sexiest Woman in the World
23 April 2008
I know what you’re thinking: “Gee, I wonder who is the sexiest woman of 2008?” Well since you asked so nicely, the guys at FHM went and did a poll, and the winner is Megan Fox. See? And people say I don’t provide anything worthwhile on the site that you could use in, like, daily work conversations or what have you. So if Fox is first, who are the rest of the sexiest best? Jessica Biel came in at #2, followed by last year’s winner, Jessica Alba. Elisha Cuthbert and Scarlett Johansson brings up the rear at #4 and #5, respectively.
Stars as Disney Characters: Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Rachel Weisz
5 February 2008
Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella, Jessica Biel as Pocahontas, and Rachel Weisz as Snow White? Hey, why not, we’re tired of seeing the same ol animated girls, why not slip a famous celebrity into the role, photograph it, and use it to promote Disneyland? Um, yeah, that’s the idea. I have to admit, the Jessica Biel as Pocahontas one is really hot, but the Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella brings up all manner of ideas that would break the law in a number of States in the Union. And just for laughs, there’s model Gisele Bundchen as Wendy from Peter Pan and Jennifer Lopez as Jasmine from Aladdin.
Jessica Biel is a Nymphomaniac Who Gets Nailed
6 November 2007
Well not really, but that sure was a great headline, right? The truth is, Jessica Biel will be playing an accidental nymphomaniac in her new movie Nailed, which will co-star that creepy dude from Brokeback Mountain, Jake Gyllenhaal. Via THR, in the film, “Biel would play Sammy Joyce, a socially awkward small-town receptionist who has a nail accidentally shot into her head by a clumsy workman, eliciting wild sexual urges. The uninsured Joyce goes on a crusade to Washington to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured. She meets an immoral congressman (Gyllenhaal) who takes advantage of her sex drive and capitalizes on her crusade as Joyce heads into her own career in politics.” But see, it’s more of a comedy than an actual drama, so chances of seeing Jessica Biel undress and in wild sex scenes are nil to none. Maybe not completely? One can only hope.
Jessica Biel in FHM France
24 August 2007
FHM Magazine may not have made it in the U.S., but they sure seem to be thriving everywhere else (what is wrong with my fellow Americans?), including France, where Hollywood’s reigning sex bomb (did you hear that Jessica will be going nude very soon? Yes, it’s true) Jessica Biel showed up for a brief spread. Like the Hayden FHM spread previously posted, there’s not a whole lot of risque poses going on, but what the hey, as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers, although that has never stopped me before. I’m stubbon that way, doncha know. Anyhoo, God Bless the French, even though they probably don’t believe in God, the heretics.
Jessica Biel to do Nude Scenes in “Powder Blue”
20 August 2007
Ladies and gentlemen (but mostly the gentlemen in the audience), it is true: Jessica Biel has said that she will have some nude scenes in her upcoming new movie called “Powder Blue”. Or at least that’s what my daily viewing of G4’s “Attack of the Show” tells me, and it’s never led me astray before. Well, except for that time when they promised me Olivia Munn would show up at my basement for a nightcap and she never did. I’m still mad about that. But I digress. In “Powder Blue”, Jessica will play a stripper who has to strip to earn money to take care of terminally ill son. Unlike a lot of previous Hollywood “strippers” (*cough*Natalie Portman and Jessica Alba*cough*), Jessica’s stripper will ACTUALLY strip onscreen. Wow, and here I thought Hollywood was single-handedly trying to kill the stripping industry with their strippers who don’t actually strip.
Jessica Biel is one Hot Catwoman
28 June 2007
Jessica Biel’s latest movie is the Adam Sandler comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”, which stars Sandler and that fat guy from “The King of Queens” as firefighters who pretend to be gay so the fat guy can get free medical insurance or something inane like that. Look, it’s an Adam Sandler comedy, the smartest this thing will get is seeing Sandler spit into the air and catch it with his own face. In the film, Jessica Biel plays the attorney trying to help the firemen get insurance for the fat one, and oh yeah, she ends up in all kinds of sexy outfits, one of them is the tight black leather catwoman outfit below. Meow!
Jessica Biel Bikini Pictures in GQ
20 June 2007
You know what I like best about these bikini pictures of Jessica Biel in the latest issue of GQ Magazine? The fact that they’re respectable bikinis that she’s wearing, and not those “cute” frilly things that these uber hot female celebrities with killer bodies end up wearing while on vacation. Evangeline Lilly, Jessica Biel…they’ve all fallen victim to the bad bikini choice. But here? Just a hot woman in a hot two-piece bikini set. Me likey!
Babes at the MTV Movie Awards: Final Round-Up
7 June 2007
Okay, so we forgot a couple of really good looking women who attended Sunday’s 2007 MTV Movie Awards (aka the Movie Awards show that means absolutely nothing, but everyone seems to really love). Among those blessed angels we passed up (and shame on us!) were Elizabeth Banks (she’s changed somehow…), Jessica Alba (try to ignore the ugly dress), Amanda Bynes (our Amanda is growing up!), Jessica Biel (another fashion victim, and I don’t even know anything about fashion), Ashley Tisdale (sweet and sexy!), and finally, a barely recognizable Brittany Daniel. What exactly did Brittany do to herself? Only her stylist knows, and it’s too scary for me to find out.
Video: Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel’s MTV Kiss
4 June 2007
I told you it wouldn’t take long before Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel’s “almost kiss” showed up on YouTube, so here it is. And is it me or is Sarah sporting some really impressive cleavage? I had no idea our little Jewish American Princess had it in her! Or maybe those are stuffing. I dunno, but this video is pretty damn hot. Screw Britney and Madonna. This fake kiss-no kiss is actually 100 times sexier. Go figure.
Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman MTV Kiss
3 June 2007
In case you missed it, the highlight of last night’s MTV Movie Awards was, without a doubt, a backstage kiss (okay, almost kiss) between Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman as the two hotties complained about that infamous Britney-Madonna kiss from a few years back. (Or was that a couple of decades ago? I forgot.) Anyways, in case you thought that almost-kiss (damn it, kiss already! stop teasing us!) was live, you’re wrong. Here’s Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman doing a practice run-through. Is it me, or does Sarah Silverman look pretty damn good even opposite Jessica Biel? Our foulmouth Jewish comedian is holding her own, without a doubt! Woot woot! I expect that footage of the almost-kiss to land on YouTube around midnight…
Jessica Biel’s Sexy Elle Spread
25 May 2007
In her recent appearance in Elle Magazine, Jessica Biel talks about how Hollywood stereotypes her because she’s just too gosh darn sexy for her own good. To be honest, I don’t know if Biel was being facetious when she said that, or if she really meant it. Either way, this spread she did for Elle would seem somewhat contradictory if she was bemoaning her too-sexy status in Hollywood. If you want to be taken as a serious actress, you shouldn’t look this good in a magazine. And being that Jessica is hot damn sexy, just showing up is too sexy.
Jessica Biel is Ass-licious in Elle
7 May 2007
So I went to watch “Spider-Man 3″ earlier today, and in front of it there was a preview for the Jessica Biel, Adam Sandler, and Kevin James comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”. And I gotta tell you, the movie looks like it’s going to suck all kinds of ways to Sunday. Seriously, I haven’t seen anything so unfunny in a long, long, time. (Hell, “Little Nicky” was funnier than that trailer!) But anyways, if there is one saving grace, it’s that Jessica Biel strips down to bra and panties and offers Sandler’s macho fireman character the chance to squeeze her boobies to prove that they’re real. Anyways, all that is to say that Jessica Biel is looking good in Elle Magazine. Why is she on her hands and knees and her ass is sticking up in the air? Why ask why?
Jessica Biel: “I’m Too Sexy for Hollywood”
5 May 2007
In a recent interview with Elle Magazine (out on newstands now, by the way), Hollywood starlet and star of “Next” Jessica Biel bemoans the fact that she’s such a hottie that she can’t get respect in Hollywood, thus isn’t landing roles that she wants. Says Jessica about the whole situation: “Parts that I really want aren’t going to me. Like The Other Boleyn Girl’ with Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. I don’t want to say that there’s nothing I love that I can have. But there’s still the occasional script that the director doesn’t want to see you for. They want that top tier of girls.”
Jessica Biel is Sexier than Scarlett Johansson
4 April 2007
Stuff Magazine has released their annual list of “100 Sexiest Women in the Whole Wide World and Beyond” (okay, maybe leave out half of that title), and the winner is … (drum roll, please) … Jessica Biel and her junk in the trunk! Biel, who probably didn’t cry over the recent cancellation of “Seventh Heaven”, topped the poll, as well as second place finisher Scarlett Johansson. The rest of the top 10 was composed of (in order of sexiest to least sexy) Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, Katharine McPhee, Sienna Miller, Olivia Wilde, Angelina Jolie, Malin Akerman, and finally, Christina Aguilera.
Jessica Biel Bikini Scene from “Chuck and Larry”
2 April 2007
In the new Adam Sandler comedy “I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry” (geez, couldn’t they have come up with a longer and more awkward title for a comedy?), Jessica Biel plays an attorney who tries to get Sandler’s fireman character and his fake male “husband” free insurance. Or something like that. It’s really stupid. (It’s an Adam Sandler comedy, after all.) Anyways, there is one scene shown in the trailer where Jessica Biel, believing Sandler to be gay, strips to her bra and undies and even has him feel her “real breasts”. I wouldn’t say it’s worth seeing this movie for, but you know, when it comes out on DVD, or you could just take a look at the images from that scene…
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2 September 2009