Megan Fox is 2008’s Sexiest Woman in the World
I know what you’re thinking: “Gee, I wonder who is the sexiest woman of 2008?” Well since you asked so nicely, the guys at FHM went and did a poll, and the winner is Megan Fox. See? And people say I don’t provide anything worthwhile on the site that you could use in, like, daily work conversations or what have you. So if Fox is first, who are the rest of the sexiest best? Jessica Biel came in at #2, followed by last year’s winner, Jessica Alba. Elisha Cuthbert and Scarlett Johansson brings up the rear at #4 and #5, respectively.
Stars as Disney Characters: Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Rachel Weisz
Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella, Jessica Biel as Pocahontas, and Rachel Weisz as Snow White? Hey, why not, we’re tired of seeing the same ol animated girls, why not slip a famous celebrity into the role, photograph it, and use it to promote Disneyland? Um, yeah, that’s the idea. I have to admit, the Jessica Biel as Pocahontas one is really hot, but the Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella brings up all manner of ideas that would break the law in a number of States in the Union. And just for laughs, there’s model Gisele Bundchen as Wendy from Peter Pan and Jennifer Lopez as Jasmine from Aladdin.
Jessica Biel is a Nymphomaniac Who Gets Nailed
Well not really, but that sure was a great headline, right? The truth is, Jessica Biel will be playing an accidental nymphomaniac in her new movie Nailed, which will co-star that creepy dude from Brokeback Mountain, Jake Gyllenhaal. Via THR, in the film, “Biel would play Sammy Joyce, a socially awkward small-town receptionist who has a nail accidentally shot into her head by a clumsy workman, eliciting wild sexual urges. The uninsured Joyce goes on a crusade to Washington to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured. She meets an immoral congressman (Gyllenhaal) who takes advantage of her sex drive and capitalizes on her crusade as Joyce heads into her own career in politics.” But see, it’s more of a comedy than an actual drama, so chances of seeing Jessica Biel undress and in wild sex scenes are nil to none. Maybe not completely? One can only hope.
Jessica Biel in FHM France
FHM Magazine may not have made it in the U.S., but they sure seem to be thriving everywhere else (what is wrong with my fellow Americans?), including France, where Hollywood’s reigning sex bomb (did you hear that Jessica will be going nude very soon? Yes, it’s true) Jessica Biel showed up for a brief spread. Like the Hayden FHM spread previously posted, there’s not a whole lot of risque poses going on, but what the hey, as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers, although that has never stopped me before. I’m stubbon that way, doncha know. Anyhoo, God Bless the French, even though they probably don’t believe in God, the heretics.
Jessica Biel to do Nude Scenes in “Powder Blue”
Ladies and gentlemen (but mostly the gentlemen in the audience), it is true: Jessica Biel has said that she will have some nude scenes in her upcoming new movie called “Powder Blue”. Or at least that’s what my daily viewing of G4’s “Attack of the Show” tells me, and it’s never led me astray before. Well, except for that time when they promised me Olivia Munn would show up at my basement for a nightcap and she never did. I’m still mad about that. But I digress. In “Powder Blue”, Jessica will play a stripper who has to strip to earn money to take care of terminally ill son. Unlike a lot of previous Hollywood “strippers” (*cough*Natalie Portman and Jessica Alba*cough*), Jessica’s stripper will ACTUALLY strip onscreen. Wow, and here I thought Hollywood was single-handedly trying to kill the stripping industry with their strippers who don’t actually strip.
Jessica Biel is one Hot Catwoman
Jessica Biel’s latest movie is the Adam Sandler comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”, which stars Sandler and that fat guy from “The King of Queens” as firefighters who pretend to be gay so the fat guy can get free medical insurance or something inane like that. Look, it’s an Adam Sandler comedy, the smartest this thing will get is seeing Sandler spit into the air and catch it with his own face. In the film, Jessica Biel plays the attorney trying to help the firemen get insurance for the fat one, and oh yeah, she ends up in all kinds of sexy outfits, one of them is the tight black leather catwoman outfit below. Meow!
Jessica Biel Bikini Pictures in GQ
You know what I like best about these bikini pictures of Jessica Biel in the latest issue of GQ Magazine? The fact that they’re respectable bikinis that she’s wearing, and not those “cute” frilly things that these uber hot female celebrities with killer bodies end up wearing while on vacation. Evangeline Lilly, Jessica Biel…they’ve all fallen victim to the bad bikini choice. But here? Just a hot woman in a hot two-piece bikini set. Me likey!
Babes at the MTV Movie Awards: Final Round-Up
Okay, so we forgot a couple of really good looking women who attended Sunday’s 2007 MTV Movie Awards (aka the Movie Awards show that means absolutely nothing, but everyone seems to really love). Among those blessed angels we passed up (and shame on us!) were Elizabeth Banks (she’s changed somehow…), Jessica Alba (try to ignore the ugly dress), Amanda Bynes (our Amanda is growing up!), Jessica Biel (another fashion victim, and I don’t even know anything about fashion), Ashley Tisdale (sweet and sexy!), and finally, a barely recognizable Brittany Daniel. What exactly did Brittany do to herself? Only her stylist knows, and it’s too scary for me to find out.
Video: Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel’s MTV Kiss
I told you it wouldn’t take long before Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel’s “almost kiss” showed up on YouTube, so here it is. And is it me or is Sarah sporting some really impressive cleavage? I had no idea our little Jewish American Princess had it in her! Or maybe those are stuffing. I dunno, but this video is pretty damn hot. Screw Britney and Madonna. This fake kiss-no kiss is actually 100 times sexier. Go figure.
Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman MTV Kiss
In case you missed it, the highlight of last night’s MTV Movie Awards was, without a doubt, a backstage kiss (okay, almost kiss) between Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman as the two hotties complained about that infamous Britney-Madonna kiss from a few years back. (Or was that a couple of decades ago? I forgot.) Anyways, in case you thought that almost-kiss (damn it, kiss already! stop teasing us!) was live, you’re wrong. Here’s Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman doing a practice run-through. Is it me, or does Sarah Silverman look pretty damn good even opposite Jessica Biel? Our foulmouth Jewish comedian is holding her own, without a doubt! Woot woot! I expect that footage of the almost-kiss to land on YouTube around midnight…
Jessica Biel’s Sexy Elle Spread
In her recent appearance in Elle Magazine, Jessica Biel talks about how Hollywood stereotypes her because she’s just too gosh darn sexy for her own good. To be honest, I don’t know if Biel was being facetious when she said that, or if she really meant it. Either way, this spread she did for Elle would seem somewhat contradictory if she was bemoaning her too-sexy status in Hollywood. If you want to be taken as a serious actress, you shouldn’t look this good in a magazine. And being that Jessica is hot damn sexy, just showing up is too sexy.
Jessica Biel is Ass-licious in Elle
So I went to watch “Spider-Man 3″ earlier today, and in front of it there was a preview for the Jessica Biel, Adam Sandler, and Kevin James comedy “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”. And I gotta tell you, the movie looks like it’s going to suck all kinds of ways to Sunday. Seriously, I haven’t seen anything so unfunny in a long, long, time. (Hell, “Little Nicky” was funnier than that trailer!) But anyways, if there is one saving grace, it’s that Jessica Biel strips down to bra and panties and offers Sandler’s macho fireman character the chance to squeeze her boobies to prove that they’re real. Anyways, all that is to say that Jessica Biel is looking good in Elle Magazine. Why is she on her hands and knees and her ass is sticking up in the air? Why ask why?
Jessica Biel: “I’m Too Sexy for Hollywood”
In a recent interview with Elle Magazine (out on newstands now, by the way), Hollywood starlet and star of “Next” Jessica Biel bemoans the fact that she’s such a hottie that she can’t get respect in Hollywood, thus isn’t landing roles that she wants. Says Jessica about the whole situation: “Parts that I really want aren’t going to me. Like The Other Boleyn Girl’ with Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. I don’t want to say that there’s nothing I love that I can have. But there’s still the occasional script that the director doesn’t want to see you for. They want that top tier of girls.”
Jessica Biel is Sexier than Scarlett Johansson
Stuff Magazine has released their annual list of “100 Sexiest Women in the Whole Wide World and Beyond” (okay, maybe leave out half of that title), and the winner is … (drum roll, please) … Jessica Biel and her junk in the trunk! Biel, who probably didn’t cry over the recent cancellation of “Seventh Heaven”, topped the poll, as well as second place finisher Scarlett Johansson. The rest of the top 10 was composed of (in order of sexiest to least sexy) Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, Katharine McPhee, Sienna Miller, Olivia Wilde, Angelina Jolie, Malin Akerman, and finally, Christina Aguilera.
Jessica Biel Bikini Scene from “Chuck and Larry”
In the new Adam Sandler comedy “I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry” (geez, couldn’t they have come up with a longer and more awkward title for a comedy?), Jessica Biel plays an attorney who tries to get Sandler’s fireman character and his fake male “husband” free insurance. Or something like that. It’s really stupid. (It’s an Adam Sandler comedy, after all.) Anyways, there is one scene shown in the trailer where Jessica Biel, believing Sandler to be gay, strips to her bra and undies and even has him feel her “real breasts”. I wouldn’t say it’s worth seeing this movie for, but you know, when it comes out on DVD, or you could just take a look at the images from that scene…
Nicolas Cage and Jessica Biel in “Next”, Trailer
Nicolas Cage’s latest sci-fi thriller “Next” is getting released next month, on April 27th, 2007, but you wouldn’t know it from all the (lack of) publicity for the film. It’s based on a short story by “Minority Report” and “Total Recall” writer Philip K. Dick, and stars Cage alongside Jessica Biel as his girlfriend and Julianne Moore as a hardass Fed who recruits (sort of) Cage’s character, who is psychic and can see what happens next, to save the world. He’s not thrilled about it, alas. “Next” is directed by “Die Another Day’s” Lee Tamahori, who was last seen getting arrested for prostituting himself while cross dressing in L.A.
Jessica Biel Booty Delivery
Maybe I’m wrong, but wasn’t Jessica Biel just in Hawaii playing paddle with a ball (what is that game called, anyway? Ball and paddle or something?), and now she’s found herself down south in Puerto Rico sunbathing on a yacht and flashing that big ol booty around like it’s a weapon. Ah, the life of a rich and famous Hollywood celebrity. Seriously, how do these ladies ever manage to survive out there? It’s just so harsh, what with all the easy money, fame, and countless vacation spree. Can you tell that I’m a little envious? But perhaps Jessica Biel’s bootiliciousness can quell my anger…
Jessica Biel Hawaii Bikini Pictures
I am of two minds when it comes to everyone’s favorite Hollywood hardbodied babe Jessica Biel: she is to be congratulated for keeping herself incredibly fit; then again, the woman has bigger biceps that me. The latter, alas, doesn’t say very much about me, but it does say tons about Jessica. She’s a gym rat and cares about her body, whereas I think lifting a bag of Cheetos qualifies as extraneous exercise. See the difference? In any case, here’s the former “Seventh Heaven” beauty all grown up and bikini’ing it up in Hawaii. One ticket to Hawaii, please!
Nicolas Cage Mindf–ks Philip K. Dick’s “Next”
Hey, that’s what the guy said! Look: “If you’re looking for the Philip K. Dick mindf–k, you will get it,” Cage said in an interview at a preview of his other upcoming film, Ghost Rider, in Hollywood last week. “[It's] based on a Philip K. Dick short story about a man who has the prescient ability to see two minutes within his own future.” See? What’d I tell ya? Cage is talking about Dick’s short story “The Golden Man”, which Cage will star in next alongside Julianne Moore and Jessica Biel — the former plays a fed who needs Cage’s help to find a terrorist nuke, and the latter plays his love interest. The film, scheduled for September 2007, will be directed by convicted cross dresser Lee Tamahori (”The Cell”).
Wesley Snipes is a Fugitive
Oh, how the bigtime have fallen. Remember when Wesley Snipes was the black Hollywood star? His “Blade” films did gangbuster business, and then — nothing. Snipes inexplicably disappeared to Romania, where he did a ton of crap direct-to-video action movies that nobody but me saw. And now Uncle Sam wants to punish the former action star further — by jailing him for tax evasion! Yikes. Read on…