Jessica Simpson Still Knows What Boys Like
Say what you will about blonde singing cutie Jessica Simpson (she’s not the brightest bulb in the bunch, her sister creeps me out, her dad invades my nightmares, and the Dallas Cowboys suck donkey balls), but what you can’t say about Jessica Simpson is that she doesn’t know what the boys want. And what does the boys want? Boobs. Big, fat, massive boobs. Rumor has Jessica Simpson having gone under the knife for her rack, which may or may not be true, but as a warm-blooded American male, I can safely look you in the eyes (that’s right, I can SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER MONITOR!!!) and tell you, “And your point is…?” That’s right, kids, it’s time for some celebrity cleavage.
Watch Out Cowboys Fans, Jessica Simpson is in Esquire
Just when Cowboys fans are starting to breathe easy, here comes Jessica Simpson with a new appearance in Esquire Magazine, looking all kinds of fine and as hot as all get out. Mind you, we’re not in football season, so Cowboys fans still have a couple of months to fool themselves into thinking their team can still win, until Jess (as her friends call her) pulls their quarterback for an impromptu visit to Cabo and the next thing you know, the Pokes are getting greased on their own field by the Giants and — wait, that was last season. Nevermind. Anyways, Jessica Simpson in Esquire, wet and sexy and very nice. Water does the girl good.
Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson — WHO YA GOT??
Man, it sure doesn’t suck to be Dallas Quarterback stud Tony Romo. Then again, after Romo’s atrocious play last weekend against the Philadelphia Eagles, maybe it does kinda suck to be Tony Romo. But his love life is certainly something that doesn’t suck; after goofing off with country music princess Carrie Underwood, Romo is now plying his trade with pop princess Jessica Simpson. He’s now dabbled in two extreme opposites in two different musical genres, and some people are saying he should go back to the country music girl because the pop princess may be partying our boy too hard. If you were Tony Romo, what would YOU do? Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson — WHO YA GOT??
Jessica Simpson on the Set of Major Movie Star
The thing about Jessica Simpson? I don’t know if she’s so smart that she’s willing to play on her “dumb blonde” persona to make some cash in the movies and in commercials, or if she’s so stupid that she doesn’t know she’s parodying her own “dumb blonde” image. Then again, considering that she makes more money in a week than I do a decade, I’m gonna have to lean toward the former. In Major Movie Star, Jessica Simpson plays a has-been actress who gets humiliated, ends up in a car accident, and then wanders into an Army recruiting office and joins the Army. If I had to predict that happens next, she’ll end up learning the value of herself and become a good person and all that good, Disney-esque crap. Here’s Jessica Simpson on the set of her movie looking drunk, sloshed, and down-and-out. But strangely, still hot?
Memorial Day Treat: Hot Chicks and American Flags
Everyone is “for” Memorial Day, when we honor the men and women in uniform who served this country, and for some, even gave their lives, but how many are willing to put their body where their mouth is? These celebrities are more than willing to show their appreciation for the country using their righteous bodies. Granted, one of the women below isn’t even an American, but hell, that’s not going to stop us. It’s all about the stars and stripes, baby! Hot chicks plus the American flag equals one hell of a great Memorial Day.
Friday Night Special: Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage
Would it surprise you if I told you that Jessica Simpson has some incredible cleavage — and yes, some awesome boobage going on, in, up, down, and all around? Well hey, if it doesn’t surprise you, then why beat around the bush? Here’s more of Jessica Simpson being Jessica Simpson, which means going out, looking good, flashing boobage and cleavage, and having a grand ol time. We love it. She loves it. So why stop? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, I say. More Jessica Simpson cleavage!
Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage: Breast Implants or Wonderbra?
Singer, songwriter, actress, MTV reality star, and woman about town Jessica Simpson was somewhere doing something with someone showcasing what can only be called “damn impressive” cleavage. Which led many people on the web to wonder if Jess (as her friends and I call her) had gone under the knife and pumped up those hush puppies. Or are they in fact the product of a wonderfully deceiving wonderbra? If it’s the latter, I am going to be suing someone. What is the deal with these wonderbras? It’s false advertising, I tell ya. I’m going with breast implants, but only because I want to believe. (By the way, I’m not too crazy about the “look” Jess is going for here, either…)
Jessica Simpson Bikini Pictures from “The Dukes of Hazzard”
It’s getting hot out there, folks, and with gas prices where they are, why go out when you can just veg out in front of your computer and watch glorious pictures of Jessica Simpson in a two-piece bikini from the set of “The Dukes of Hazzard”? Exactly, why indeed. So this is going to be a regular thing now, or at least until Summer leaves us in a few months. Everyday (or until I forget to do one) we’ll post a new “It’s Getting Hot Out There” entry that will give you an excuse to stay inside and out of the sun. But hey, you can also go to the movies, but that costs money, and being the cheapskates that you are, you know this is the best thing since sliced bread. What says American Summer than Jessica Simpson in a bikini? Not a damn thing.
Jessica Simpson is a MAJOR MOVIE STAR
People.com reports that Jessica Simpson has lined up her next movie: “Major Movie Star”, where she will play a down-on-her-luck actress who enlists in the Marines in an attempt to jumpstart her career. Hmm, sounds kinda like Simpson and her singing career. Wait, she still has a singing career, right? Well at least she can always ride the coattails of boyfriend and fellow singer John Mayer. I hear they’re doing swell together. Simpson starts shooting “Major Movie Star” in Louisiana (for basic training scenes, I’m presuming) later this month.
Ashlee Simpson Continues to Wallow in Denial about Plastic Surgery
Seriously, who does Ashlee Simpson think she’s kidding? It’s been what, a year since she got a nose job? And apparently she didn’t stop there. You can see the dramatic transformation she made from “punk wannabe” to “big sister wannabe”. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes and two brain cells to rub together that Ashlee is trying, little by little, to look like big sis Jessica Simpson. In a recent interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Ashlee continues to live the lie that she’s “I loved how I looked… I’m not an insecure person, nor was I before.” Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Hence the plastic surgery. Because you love how you looked. Riiiiiiight. Wink wink.
Jessica Simpson Goes Grocery Shopping
I know girls like to dress up when they go shopping, but come on, this is ridiculous! Har har. Anywhatever, here’s Jessica Simpson in the latest issue of Allure Magazine, standing inside a grocery shopping cart. Obviously this is supposed to tie into her new movie “Employee of the Month”, where she plays the object of Dane Cook’s perverted affections. (Then again, we are talking about Dane Cook, so what isn’t perverted?)
It’s a Jessica Simpson-Palooza!!
Sometimes I don’t begrudge celebrities for their fame and fortune and perfect life and one-night schtupping of hot chicks. (Well, mostly I do, but sometimes I don’t.) Here’s Jessica Simpson doing the whirlwind PR thang yesterday for the release of her new album “A Public Affair”, which I’m assuming is alluding to her very public marriage and subsequent break-up with Nich Lachey. By the way, why does Jessica look surprised at all these events? Hmm…
Jessica Simpson Loses her Voice. This is a Bad Thing?
Okay, so maybe I’ve never actually listened to any of Jessica Simpson’s songs. Okay, okay, so maybe that’s not exactly true. I think I heard her sing a couple of songs by accident when channel surfing and I happen to run across MTV — you know, that channel the kids like to watch for their musical stories and whatnot. In any case, People.com says Jessica Simpson has laryngitis and can’t talk, so she’s cutting her PR tour for her new album “A Public Affair” which, as the kids say, “drops” today. My question is, is this really a bad thing?
Hollywood Babes Love the 2006 Teen Choice Awards
Hot hollywood babes love teens. Just ask Demi Moore. So when there’s an Awards show where teens get to pick the winners (never you mind what for, just go with it), the Hollywood babes will of course attend. Out and about this weekend for such an occassion was Kirstin Cavallari, a newly single Carmen Electra, someone name Ashley Tisdale, Ashley Olsen (minus Mary-Kate — gasp!), Jessica Simpson, and reigning “OC” babe Rachel Bilson. What, no special appearance by Hilary Duff? I’m so disillusioned.
The Jessica Simpson Cleavage Special
And now, ladies and gentlemen (but mostly the gentlemen), we present the Jessica Simpson Cleavage Special, a very, very special Random Page of Interest posting. It’s kinda like an Afterschool Special, or a Very Brady Episode, only with a lot of Jessica Simpson and Jessica Simpson’s cleavage and not a whole lot of Jan and Marsha.
Jessica Simpson is Becoming Anna Nicole Smith
I think we can all agree that Jessica Simpson isn’t playing when she acts dumb; the woman is, frankly speaking, just plain d-u-m-m! Here’s Jessica Simpson somewhere doing something looking a heck of a lot like a younger, thinner Anna Nicole Smith. I’m not just talking about the blonde hair, the confused look on her face, or the bright red lipsticks — well, okay, I am talking about all those things. Add another 20 pounds on Jessica and I bet you can’t tell her apart from Anna Anna Slama Bama. (I am so embarassed to know that line…)
More Jessica Simpson Bikini Pictures
There’s something not quite right about Jessica Simpson. I think we can all agree to that, can’t we? Even fans of hers? Some people have a certain something about them that makes them stand out from the crowd; Jess has that certain something that makes people think, “Man, there’s something not right about that girl.” Case in point, these pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini down South in Cabo. Tell me this girl doesn’t wake up every morning wondering what her name is…
Jessica Simpson in OK Magazine
While reading quotes from Jessica Simpson plastered on these photos of hers found in the latest issue of OK Magazine, I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, Jessica actually sounds semi-intelligent when you don’t actually hear her speak.” Quotes such as, “I feel as though I’m becoming a very strong woman,” and “There’s something empowering about curves. You can’t strut when you’re skinny,” doesn’t sound like Jessica at all. I would expect something along the lines of, “Um, Nick and me is, like, so over, and junk,” etc. In any case, here’s Jessica in OK Magazine.
Jessica Simpson Bikini Pictures
Well, kinda. Jessica Simpson and friends were in Cabo recently to celebrate her brithday, when someone snapped some pictures of her wearing a giant friggin cowboy hat, sunglasses, and a two-piece bikini. Except Jessica keeps covering up her stomach with a blanket. I don’t know why. The girl’s got a great body if her masterful, award-winning turn as Daisy Dukes in the recent “The Dukes of Hazzard” is any indication. Belly or not, it’s still Jessica Simpson in a two-piece bikini, and that’s just good stuff for a lazy Sunday.
Jessica Simpson in “Employee of the Month” Poster
Jessica Simpson isn’t what you would call talented. Oh sure, I think she can sing. Maybe. But acting? I never saw the remake of “The Dukes of Hazzard,”, but since the only thing that movie required her to do was look skinny while wearing next to nothing, I’m going to assume it didn’t take a whole lot of thespian ability on her part to pull it off. So I’m approaching Jessica’s starring turn in “Employee of the Month” with caution. (And of course by “with caution” I mean I ain’t touchin’ this thing with a ten foot pole.) But anyways, here’s the poster for the movie if you’re interested, with Jessica featured prominently. Check it out late 2006 if it’s your thing.