Sure, the career’s gone down the tube, she’s looking mighty thin lately, but aside from all that, on the scale of Totally Doable and Not Even With a 10-Foot Pole, you know damn well you would without a moment’s hesitation. Plus, all that bad girl stuff she’s been getting to just makes her all that much more adorable. In the sense that “adorable” means you really want to knock them boots, but you’re not so sure about leaving her alone in your bathroom going through your medicine cabinet. Lindsay Lohan bikini pictures at the park, cause why the hell not.

Hey, give the girl props, despite all the bullshit she’s gone through in the public eye, Lindsay Lohan is still capable of making fun of herself, or else she wouldn’t have done this faux eHarmony personal ad video for FunnyorDie.com. Tell you what, I don’t care how many prison stints Lindsay’s done, how many pounds of blow she’s shoved up her nose, or how many lesbians she’s munched on in the past year, that is still one smoking hot girl. Hey, who says running around Hollywood partying all day isn’t good for you? Stupid idiots. Look at Lindsay Lohan. Looks pretty damn good to you to me.

Lindsay Lohan in a bikini. Wow. When was the last time we saw this? I remember it well. Way back in the summer of 2006. Back when you couldn’t go a day without Lindsay parading around in a different itty bitty bikini. Back then, ol Lindsay was feeling her oats something mighty, and could care less if the world got a glimpse of her many, oh so many freckles. She was hot, alright, and she knew it, and she wanted you to know and appreciate it too. Nowadays, all you hear from Lindsay is how she’s trying to quit the booze and drugs and how she’s dating some lesbian DJ chick. You know, totally uninteresting stuff from a male point of view. I mean, God, the lesbian chick is uglier than some of the guys that regularly cranks one off to those stripper scenes from “I Know Who Killed Me”, for God’s sake. But wait — Lindsay is back in a bikini in 2009! Hallelujah! Now maybe she can trade up for a lipstick lesbian. Can you say, instant threesome fantasies?

Or at least, that’s what the official press release for her new album says, and as everyone knows, I’m not one to buck press releases, they being very official and, you know, pressy and what have you. It goes on: ““Bossy,” the seductive and irresistibly rhythmic new track leaked from the yet-untitled upcoming album, recalling in form and attitude the street-flavored girl-group dance floor classics of the electro era, has drawn hundreds of thousands of youtube.com streams in barely a week, and a collective thumbs-up from young viewers.” Well, if the “collective” young viewers give it a thumbs up, who am I to disagree? Promos for her new album below and download the first single (or “track”, as the kids call it) by clicking here.

To be perfectly honest with you, I’m not sure how a picture of Lindsay Lohan standing in a mini-skirt and wearing a jacket without any bra on helps to sell Visa cards to the masses, but it’s not like it’s gonna hurt, either. If I had to guess, I would say this is an abstract advertising campaign that says something to the effect of, “As Lindsay Lohan’s nice cleavage, I too, uses Visa everywhere I go.” What, too far off? Oh well. Here’s Lindsay Lohan rising back from the ashes of booze and pseudo lesbian rumors to claim what’s hers — pitchwoman status for credit cards in another country. Now that’s girl power.

Hollywood does a lot of things well, but movie strippers is not one of them. More often than not, you’ll get an actress who wants all the cache of being able to say, “I played a stripper in a movie”, but without taking the clothes off. By not stripping, they are technically not playing strippers, as the word “strippers” would seem to imply the “stripping” off one of one’s clothes. Another major problem with movie strippers is the “good girl wants to go bad” syndrome, where an actress known for an innocuous career decides to “shock” us by playing a stripper to prove she’s grown up. Sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn’t. Here, then, are our Hollywood Top 5: Worst Movie Strippers.

For a troubled starlet who is supposed to be in rehab and (supposedly) getting her life back together, it’s amazing how many magazine covers and magazines around the world Lindsay Lohan manages to get in the last few days. One site which I don’t remember chronicled the amazing number of magazines Lindsay has posed for in the last few days. Here she is in Germany’s Zoo Magazine; I don’t know if it’s an old spread that was recycled or what, but it sure looks pretty damn good, and looking at these pictures, you sort of don’t want Lindsay Lohan to rehab anything about her. Then again, this is Hollywood “rehab” we’re talking about, so it’s not like it’s real or anything…

And they say it doesn’t pay to be a celebrity in America. Suckers! The latest celeb to escape the hangman’s noose despite a string of arrests and borderline psychopathic activity is Lindsay Lohan, who manages to avoid the same fate that befell Paris Hilton late last night. The troublesome starlet has escaped a lengthy stint in prison after striking a plea bargain with authorities. Lohan will get a day of jail time and serve 10 days of community service, as well as complete a (*cough*HAR HAR*cough*) drug treatment program under the deal. Yet another reason why I’m moving to L.A. as soon as I get famous. Hell, where else can you commit crimes with impunity and get away with it? God Bless L.A.! And now, in unrelated news, bikini pictures of Lindsay Lohan wearing an ankle bracelet.

The guys over at People Magazine chronicles the rise and fall of Hollywood tart Lindsay Lohan in their current issue (”From Rehab to Arrest in 11 Days” is the title). They have a number of great pictures in the issue, including one where Lindsay Lohan poses in a two-piece bikini with her ankle bracelet clearly visible. One thinks she did it just to show off the bracelet, which basically tells you that she never took her sobriety seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that wearing the ankle bracelet that was designed to detect if she was boozing it up was some kind of status symbol with her. “Look, guys, I’m like totally gangsta!” Or some such.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Lindsay Lohan was busted for driving on the freeway while high on coke. Or she had coke on her. And I’m not talking about coca cola coke here, kids. I’m talking about the China White. Nose candy. COCAINE. Which meant she couldn’t show up at Jay Leno’s Tonight Show as scheduled. As a result, Rob Schneider pitch-hit for the poor girl, and the interview was a riot. If you didn’t think Rob Schneider could make you laugh without a copy machine anywhere near you, you’re wrong. Check it out and laugh your ass off. Rob, you rock, man. (And may I say, you look good in that dress…)

You knew it was coming, didn’t cha? I think everyone did:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Lindsay Lohan was arrested in the Los Angeles area early on Tuesday on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession, just days after she completed a 45-day rehabilitation program, authorities said. Police said they had received a report of a car chase and that Lohan and two companions were in the pursuing vehicle. A police spokesman said he believed the people in the two cars knew each other.

In her upcoming thriller “I Know Who Killed Me”, Lindsay Lohan plays a shy High School student who lives a secret life — as a skanky stripper! Now I know what you’re thinking: “So Lindsay’s playing a character who isn’t her, but who has a secret life that IS Lindsay’s real life?” Well, yes, sort of. But nevermind you that. We’ll never get to see Lindsay and her partying ho ways (unless, of course, one of her bodyguards film it and sell it to the tabloids), but until then we can see Lindsay Lohan working a stripper pole while all skanked out, as she’s doing in these promotional stills from “I Know Who Killed Me”. Will I be going to the movie theaters to see this thing? Probably not, but a DVD rental is definitely in the cards.

Is it wrong that I think Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s 40-something mother, is kinda hot? (I know, first the whole Valerie Plame thing, and now this Dina Lohan thing. I’m on a 40-something “Kinda Hot” roll!) But hey, everytime I see Dina on the tube, I can’t help but think that she’s not entirely unattractive. Heck, I think Dina is even better looking than spotty daughter Lindsay. And hey, if all goes well, we might get to see Dina on the tube once a week on her own Reality TV show called “Mom-ager”. According to this, in “Mom-ager” Dina will try to turn her other children, 14-year-old Ali and 11-year-old Cody, into entertainment stars like big sis Lindsay. You know, Rehab Lindsay?

Taking a page from her buddy Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan was recently arrested for suspicion of DUI and what cops are calling a “usable amount” of cocaine found in her Mercedes SL-65 after it crashed on Sunset Boulevard early Saturday morning post-night of heavy partying by the “I Know Who Killed Me” starlet. This, after Lohan had just come out of rehab for her partying ways not all that long ago. Apparently rehab didn’t take, because she was partying it up on Friday before getting into her Mercedes, the crash taking place at 5:30 a.m. in the Saturday morning. Although Lohan was arrested at the hospital, she was released moments later. Make room, Paris, Lindsay’s coming over for a spell.

At least according to Maxim Magazine’s eighth annual “Hot 100″ list, put out this month (with Sarah Silverman on the cover, no less!). The top 10 broke down as such: Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Biel, Ali Larter, Eva Mendes, Rihanna, Eva Longoria, and Fergie, followed closely behind by Sienna Miller, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles and Katherine Heigl. Wait, Fergie is at #10? Are you kidding me? The woman’s face looks like she’s been beaten with a mallet her whole life. Sure, that body is not bad, but that face — er, Maxim, what is going on over there?

Sometime last year there was this post about Lindsay Lohan being a very, very bad girl on the set of her new movie “Georgia Rule”. (And I’m not even talking about her acting up so much that the producers put out an ad to chastise her.) So now every time I hear about the movie, I always think of that post, and rather Lindsay was doing the dirty deed or not during the filming of that film. I like to think that she was, if only because it helps with the fantasy element. A dirty Lindsay Lohan is so much more preferable than the Disney version. But anyways, Lindsay’s new movie is “Georgia Rule”, where Lindsay plays Rachel, a rebellious teenager who screams, swears, drinks and is, in a word, uncontrollable. Wait, is that Lindsay’s character in the movie, or a description of Lindsay?

Remember the good old days, when you could count on Hollywood’s reigning Teen Drama Queen Lindsay Lohan to show up at least in one bikini outfit per day? Now we go weeks, even months, without seeing her in a leopard stripe two-piece bikini. Then sometimes months go by without a new bikini ensemble for Lilo, as her friends call her, until she shows up in the pages of Allure Magazine to, one presumes, promotes her upcoming movie “Georgia Rules”. But hey, why look a gift horse in the mouth? Lindsay Lohan in a bikini is good, even if it’s an airbrushed one for a high-falutin’ magazine.

Remember the good ol days, when Lindsay Lohan would treat us to a new bikini every day? Oh yes, those were the days, when dreams came true, clouds were made off flowers, and we were mired in Iraq. Wait, nevermind. Anyways, since it’s been such a long, long time since we’ve posted any Lindsay Lohan pictures, here is Lindsay (or Liho as she’s known in various parts of the ‘net) in the latest issue of GQ. She’s looking good, very good. I wonder what she’d look like as a redhead? Just wondering…

You know what I can’t wait for? That “E! True Hollywood Story” on Lindsay Lohan. Man, can you even imagine the kind of material those guys over at E! are already assembling as I type this? They must be going nuts having to cut a bunch of stuff for the doc. Lindsay Lohan is a walking “E! True Hollywood Story” waiting to happen, but thankfully, Lindsay knows what boys want, and it ain’t a sequel to “Freaky Friday”.

Look, kids, it’s Lindsay Lohan — and she gasp!!! has clothes on! Say it ain’t so, Lindsay! What is the occasion that is so special that Lilo would actually put on clothes for? It appears to be the premiere of her new movie “Bobby” (true life pic about the late Robert Kennedy) at the 2006 Venice International Film Festival. I shoulda known, only a glamorous movie premiere could keep Lilo from her bikinis. And I was so looking forward to a red 2-piece today…