Maria Sharapova is Still Tennis’ Best Asset
Let’s face it, if you were to pull some stranger off the street tomorrow and ask him who won the last U.S. Open or the last Wimbledon, they couldn’t tell ya. Why? Cause tennis as a viable sport falls somewhere between pro soccer and high school soccer: no one gives a crap. I’m just sayin’. But you know what everyone knows for sure? Who Maria Sharapova is. Why, you ask? Because Maria Sharapova is Russian, she’s tall, she’s blonde, and oh yeah, when she grunts as she races back and forth on the court to bash those little yellow balls, we don’t think, “Man, all that grunting is kinda annoying”. In fact, we think something else, and that’s precisely why people even care about tennis. Well, in so much as we “care” enough to know there exists a sport called tennis, and Maria Sharapova plays it professional. Here’s the Russian phenom in the latest issue of GQ. Tennis? What tennis?
Maria Sharapova Gets Cheeky
Maria Sharapova is known for playing tennis and doing commercials on TV with her dog, who can talk, if you’ve seen the commercials. I kid you not. Her dog can talk! Wow. I mean, I’ve heard of rabbits talking, and sometimes I heard pigeons talking, but dogs talking? That’s something new. Anyhoo. Maria Sharapova usually looks pretty good in whatever she’s wearing, though I was surprised to run across this picture of her. I’m guessing it’s from one of her many ads, or maybe a photoshoot. If it is for an ad, I can’t really figure out what she’s selling her. But hey, judge for yourself; maybe you guys can figure it out.
Unintentionally Phallic Picture of the Day: Maria Sharapova Takes a Drink
Yeah, I’ll grant you, “Unintentionally Phallic Picture of the Day” is a kinda long title for a category, but I think it works because, well, these pictures are pretty unintentional, and let’s face it, they’re pretty and amusingly phallic. (Plus the word “phallic” is just wicked fun to type. Hey, this is a tough job; you gotta find your pleasures where you can, am I right or am I right?) First up is Russian tennis phenom Maria Sharapova, who during a recent battle on the courts, took the opportunity to grab some drinks to keep from dehydrating or whatever it is Russian tennis phenoms drink water to do. Who knows the ways of the phenom?
Maria Sharapova in Ocean Drive Magazine
Russian tennis Goddess Maria Sharapova took time out from bashing opponents on the court with hard yellow balls to pose for the cover and interior pages of Ocean Drive magazine. I still don’t know what Ocean Drive magazine offers, but I’m guessing it’s all very high-falutin’, judging by the title. Then again, Ocean Drive could be the title of some bum’s homeless shelter, so what do I know. Anyhoo, here are some very small pictures of Maria Sharapova in Ocean Drive. A woman this hot deserves bigger images, which we’ll post as soon as they hit the interwebs. For now, you’ll take what you can get and you’ll like it!
Maria Sharapova is Red Hot at the U.S. Open
And here I thought players weren’t allowed to wear anything other than a lame drab white wardrobe when they were on the tennis court. That must have been a Wimbledon thing, oh well. Anyways, Maria Sharapova was looking red hot (literally) on the court of the U.S. Open last Tuesday, when she took only a measly 50 minutes to take out her opponent, Roberta Vinci of Italy 6-0, 6-1. The second-seeded Maria Shrapova, who won the U.S. Open last year, now heads into the second round to await her next victim — er, I mean, opponent. Is there any doubt Maria is going to take her second U.S. Open crown in a roll? And if she doesn’t, hey, we should just give her one anyway, but maybe that’s just me.
Maria Sharapova U.S. Open Nike Ads
In case you’ve been living under a rock (or maybe you don’t own a TV set, you know, them fancy idiot tubes?), you already know that the U.S. Open is about to begin soon in New York. (Just don’t ask me when, because frankly, I don’t know.) Ahead of that major event in sports (people still watches tennis, right?), Maria Sharapova and her sponsors, Nike, are launching new ad campaigns. One of those is this Nike photoshoot with Maria Sharapova somewhere overlooking New York dressed in a bright red outfit that she would never be allowed to wear on the court, which is a damn shame, as all that white on the tennis court is just dull. Watch the U.S. Open when it starts (whenever that is), or maybe don’t. It’s your life.
Maria Sharapova at the 2007 ESPYs
I think everyone can all agree that the ESPN Awards show the ESPYs are pretty much useless. I’m a fantastical sports fan and I’ll admit that the ESPYs are as worthwhile as watching a WNBA game, which is not very worthwhile at all. Basically, the show is a big excuse for movie stars who always wanted to be athletes and athletes who always wanted to be movie stars together for one night to rub elbows. But hey, I’m not complaining, especially when the ESPY can bring Maria Sharapova, in a tight black leather ensemble, to the party. Throw in some pictures with a gloriously cute Camilla Belle, and you got yourself one pointless awards show viewer.
Maria Sharapova Wants to be a Bond Girl
Maria Sharapova wants to be a Bond girl. I mean, she really, really, really wants to be a Bond girl. Or at least that’s what a friend of the Russian tennis babe says. Says the friend, “Her biggest dream is to be a Bond girl. She’s always talking about it.” The friend goes on, “Maria loves the James Bond films and all the glamour associated with the role. And with her Russian blood, she thinks she would be perfect.” Sharapova herself says, “I’m really good at manipulating people. And I’m great at spying — I should have been Sherlock Holmes.” Um, okay. That sounds really dumb. She’s “should have been Sherlock Holmes”? If this is true, it’s really stupid. Sherlock Holmes doesn’t spy, he deduces.
Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon 2007
Speaking of Maria Sharapova, here’s the reigning Blonde Russian Goddess doing her thing at the 2007 Wimbledon. Is Maria’s position as Top Dog when it comes to uber tennis babe in jeopardy, what with the current crop of tennis goddesses coming up? Most assuredly. But hey, you can’t stay number one forever, as Anna Kournikova found out. But until someone really takes the crown away, it’s still Maria Sharapova all the way, baby. So how did she do in Wimbledon? I have absolutely no idea. I’m guessing she probably won. They always slot the higher seeded players against some unknown from Estonia or something in the early parts of every major tourney.
Your Daily Dose of Maria Sharapova
Either Maria Sharapova is really happy that she just won a point during a tennis match, or she just got the news that her neighbor ran over her dog and then cooked it for dinner. Or maybe someone just told her that purple is soooooo last year, and being the fashion conscience vixen that she is, Maria Sharapova can’t stand the thought of not being fashion trendy. Then again, maybe she just takes this whole tennis thing way too seriously. Whatever the case, she makes purple look good.
Maria Sharapova Grabs the U.S. Open by the Tennis Balls
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or you really, really hate tennis and goes out of your way to avoid it) then you’ve probably heard that underdog Maria Sharapova beat the best of the best to nab the 2006 U.S. Open trophy. As I recall, she had to knock off the world #1 and #2 in order to grab the trophy. But grab it she did, and in honor of that (and plus, Maria Sharapova is friggin gorgeous) here is a tribute to our second favorite blonde Russian tennis player (Anna Kournikova being the first, of course, as originality does count for something around these here parts).
Hot Chicks Love the ESPY Awards
The ESPYs, for those of you who don’t know (and that probably goes for most of you) is an Awards Show for, well, athletes. It’s the brainchild of ESPN, and basically hands out pre-approved awards to jocks in attendance in various categories. The whole thing is a big ruse for Hollywood stars to mingle with their athletic idols, and blah blah blah. This year’s awards show is hosted by Tour De Lance. But nevermind that. Hot chicks in attendance at this year’s ESPY includes Carmen “What am I Famous for again?” Electra, Christine “Don’t Call Me Marsha Marsha Marsha!” Taylor, Mariah “Boobies! Boobies for Everyone!” Carey, Ashley “I Married a French Guy!” Judd, Danica “I Like ‘Em Fast and Hard, Baby!” Patrick, Eva “I’m the OTHER Eva” Mendes, Maria “Someone Called for a Goddess?” Sharapova, and of course, Jessica “Just Call me Hard Body” Biel.
Maria Sharapova in NYC
Imagine walking in New York City when all of a sudden Maria Sharapova, a tall, blonde goddess walks out of a hotel and down the sidewalk right next to you. That must be something, huh? Well that’s what happened recently in New York City when Maria, in town for a Nike commercial, did just that. And oh yeah, I’m sure the US Open had something to do with her being in town. I hear she plays tennis, too.
You Too Can Smell Like Maria Sharapova!
Or, at least, you can buy her perfume “Sharapova Beauty & Power”. Same difference, right? Here’s the Russian tennis babe in Mexico City doing some shilling. I don’t really know if I want to smell like Maria, but I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who would pay to smell her, if you know what I mean. Wink wink, hint hint and so forth.
Maria Sharapova Glorious in Red
Russian tennis phenom and all around hottie Maria Sharapova at the The Women’s Sports Foundation, which I think is a Sports foundation for women, or something, and it has to do with tennis. Or maybe not tennis, but just sports in general. Look, I don’t research this stuff, okay? In any case, Maria is absolutely stunning in red. Wow.
Random Maria Sharapova Hotness
More hot pictures of Russian tennis Goddess Maria Sharapova, doing some modeling away from the tennis court. But isn’t that kind of redundant? I’ve never actually heard of anyone doing some modeling work on the tennis court, but then again, I live in my basement, so what do I know. Anyways, who knew you could be this hot and talented at the same time? Anna K. who?
Maria Sharapova in 2006 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
There is a God! Maria Sharapova, Tennis’ only real contribution to society and men at large, gives us Russian goddess Maria Sharapova in Sports Illustrated’s 2006 Swimsuit Edition.
Maria Sharapova at the Espy Awards Red Carpet
ESPN the sports channel is my daily bible for all things sports. Even though, yeah, I sort of despise most of their anchors. I mean, come on, Stuart Scott. What the hell does this guy drink before he goes on the air? I don’t understand half of the thing he says. Plus, he tries so hard to be “ghetto” it’s ridiculous and I want to punch him in the face. Anyhoo, here’s Maria Sharapova at the Espy Awards red carpet, showing off the bod and the bling. Yeah, baby, yeah, as Austin Powers would say.
Maria Sharapova is Gold — Dressed
I think this is after Maria Sharapova had won the French Open, and she was going to a party afterwards to officially accept her trophy, but don’t quote me on it.
Maria Sharapova Shills for Motorola
Maria Sharapova, doing something with phone company Motorola, I’m guessing by all the Motorola signs in the background. But don’t look at the background, look at the foreground! It’s got, you know, a really hot Russian girl who plays tennis and stuff. I think she plays tennis. Hot girl. Tennis. Whatever. Just concentrate on the hot girl part.