28-04-2009 | Marisa Miller
There will come a time when we become tired of Marisa Miller bikini pictures, and move on to a younger, hotter, and more blonde Victoria’s Secret supermodel. But you know what? Until that moment comes around (and it ain’t come around yet, folks, and it’s gonna be a pretty long time before it finally arrives), we’re gonna keep putting up these totally gratuitous Marisa Miller bikini pictures. Because you deserve them, because you’ve all been good boys, and because, gosh darn it, I like you guys. By the way, I was wondering, can I borrow some money?
Oh look, it’s Marisa Miller, and she’s straddling a big, hard object that’s obviously way too big for her. I wonder how this is gonna turn out? Probably very sexy. I’m talking about a Harley Davidson motorcycle, of course. What did you think I was talking about? Perverts. Here’s a 2009 calendar Marisa Miller did for the bike company, with a couple of 2008 and 2010 months thrown in there just because Marisa Miller is cool that way, and she cares about you. Well okay, she probably doesn’t know you exist, but if she did, I’m sure she would care about you. Then again, you may be a jerk, so never mind.
I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I am so sick and tired of posting pictures of Marisa Miller in a bikini flaunting her God given assets. Okay, Marisa, we get it, you’re hot (I mean really, really hot) but can you please keep yourselves covered for at least one day? God, it’s like, every single day, we gotta be seeing her in a bikini or in lingerie or something. Frankly, it’s getting a little old — JUST KIDDING! What are we, retarded? The day we can’t appreciate Marisa Miller in a bikini at the beach is the day I close up this site and go into the priesthood. Having said that — Marisa Miller bikini pictures at the beach! There IS a God, after all.
Stunning news from the world of science today, as some Belgium scientists have claimed that they have found actual body fat on Marisa Miller’s gorgeous, perfect body. Of course being that these are Belgium scientists, from you know, Belgium we’re talking about, I can’t say as if I’m completely buying it. In any case, until they show me the evidence, I’m going to have to go with my eyeball and say that there isn’t an inch of fat on Marisa Miller’s body. As in, at all, and I’ve looked at her body up and down and over and over again. Hey, it’s for science, and you know I’ll do anything for science. Now if only Marisa Miller will show up in my basement so I can get a close-up look and prove those stinking Belgiums wrong once and for all…
So in case you missed it (what are you, stupid?), the Victoria’s Secret fashion show brought its whiz-bang over to Miami Beach for one of those exclusive fashion shows where hot girls dress up in lingerie and pretend they want to do you. All of you. Even Slow Johnny, who can barely answer the phone without vomiting. Anyhoo. So, while in Miami Beach, the Victoria’s Secret angels decided to go out for a walk on the beach. In matching white two-piece bikinis. Okay, so it was more like another crass commercial photoshoot, but am I complaining? Hell no! There were way too many angels there to get them all, but all the major ones were there, including Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel. So what do you do when you have these many hot girls in bikinis at the same place? Well, trying to get them all into your eyeball would just damage your eyeballs beyond reason, so let’s play “Find the Victoria’s Secret Angel with the tramp stamp!” One of them has it. Can you name her? I bet you can’t!
When you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you basically have one job: sell, sell, sell. Sell what? Um, whatever it is they think of to sell, which could be anything from undies you can eat to machineguns. Okay, so Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell machineguns just yet, but trust me, it’s only a matter of time. (Yeah, right, like you guys wouldn’t buy an assault rifle if Miranda Kerr was holding it in an ad — while dress in her undies, of course. Two, please!) So with the holidays on the horizon, the Victoria’s Secret girls are out in force doing what they do best — selling the brand. Now normally this many hot women in one place would give me the vapors something awful, but since I’m not a Southern Belle, I’ll just have to deal with it. Present and accounted for are Heidi Klum, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr. (I think there is one girl there who I haven’t seen before…) 
So what do you call the guys who gets to put girls like Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, and Miranda Kerr in lacy lingerie? Besides The Luckiest Bastard in The Whole Wide World, I mean. Well, actually, there isn’t a whole lot else to call him, except just that. Heck, I would do it for free, just as long as someone put me up for the night and gave me a hamburger here and there to live on. Other than that, I’m good with fitting Victoria’s Secret supermodels in their lacy frills for nothing at all. In fact, these girls are just so smoking hot, I would even ignore the fact that this year’s line of lingerie seems to be, er, kind of shitty looking. In particular what they have Heidi Klum wearing. My God, is it just me, or do they always end up giving her the most ludicrous thing to wear at these fashion shows?
Marisa Miller is pretty hot. Will there ever come a time when we become immune to Marisa Miller’s hotness? Probably. About the same time the sun explodes and we’re all wiped off the face of Planet Earth, I would imagine. Which, by my scientific calculations, is happening about, oh, six years from now. Trust me, I didn’t get my scientific degree from Devry for nothing, you know. Anyways, here’s more of Marisa Miller in Complex Magazine. Yes, she’s very hot, and yes, she’s wearing a bikini in most of the pictures. And yes, if you want to see more, you can check out the boys over at 
If you want to sell a brand new motorcycle, what better way to do it then contact Marisa Miller and put her in some tight black leather chaps and have her straddle your instrument? And of course by instrument I mean your new motorcycle. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) We’re talking of course about the V-Rod Muscle, which is the newest addition to the VSRC line. And if you know what any of that is, then you’re probably a Harley Davidson enthusiast, because I don’t have a clue. But you know what I do know? Marisa Miller is friggin hot, and I guess the motorcycle ain’t so bad, either. Pics and video of an upcoming commercial by Marisa for Harley Davidson after the jump.
If you’re getting tired of seeing Marisa Miller and her fine self showing up on the cover of pretty much every magazine in the known universe, then you got yourself a problem there, chief. The girl is just doing what she’s supposed to do — modeling gigs. That’s, you know, like her profession. And oh yeah, she’s also friggin’ gorgeous to boot, a little known fact made even more spectacular because the girl is 100% natural, and has no problems showing off what God gave her, and hallelujah for that! Here’s Marisa Miller in the latest issue of GQ magazine, which I hear tell is a magazine about clothes. Or maybe not. Eh, I subscribe to only one magazine, “Camping for Adult Men”, and let me tell you, oooh boy, the articles in this month’s issue? Life changing.
Whose #1? Scarlett Johansson? Jessica Alba? Not even close. Sitting pretty (with emphasis on pretty) at Maxim’s 2008 Hot 100 list is none other than California’s hottest hotbodied model Marisa Miller. And who could possibly fault with that positioning, even though we think it’s kind of ridiculous to continually put out list after list that no one will remember a month from now anyway. But hey, if you like list, and apparently you do, because there are a gazillion TV shows that just do these list thing at the moment, not to mention the million websites out there, you could do worst than have Marisa Miller at the top. To celebrate that, she’s also in the July issue of Maxim. What a coincidence!
It’s TGIF Friday! Wait, if you’ve already shortened Thank God It’s Friday to TGIF, do you then still have to add the extra Friday at the end of TGIF? I don’t know, but people should really look into this so I can either keep using TGIF Friday without having to think about it, or drop the extra Friday completely. I mean, come on, what kind of country is this if we can’t get some scientists into a room to solve this for us? Anyhoo, here’s Marisa Miller, your weekend send-off. Got errands to run over the weekend? Things to do? Girls to mack on? Let Marisa Miller be your guide. Marisa Miller in a two-piece bikini, of course.
Seeing not one, not two, but three two-piece bikini-clad Victoria’s Secret supermodels frolicking about on the beach while holding onto each other as if they’re afraid they might get wash away by the tide reminds me of a dream I once had, where I woke up all sweaty and cursing the sun. If you absolutely must ask what they’re doing here, I would wager a guess and say it’s some kind of photoshoot for Victoria’s Secret bikinis. Mind you, if you have to ask in the first place, you’re probably at the wrong site, because frankly, what does it matter what they’re doing, and for what purposes. It’s Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Miranda Kerr all bikini-ed out and prancing around on a beach. Dude, seriously? You wanna know the background to this? 
Ever wonder how Marisa Miller keeps that gorgeous body of hers (you know, the one with the zero ounce of fat on it?) in shape and fat-free? Well it involves a lot of sweat, some punching, and twice daily trips to my basement. No, just kidding — about the basement part, although wouldn’t it be nice? Anyhoo. Marisa Miller gets that body in shape by visiting the gym, where she boxes with a trainer. And yes, as hot and gorgeous as Marisa Miller is, it’s still pretty awkward watching a woman throwing jabs; it just don’t look natural, what can I say? But she can punch me anytime. Or do other things, ahem.
How can any warm-blooded man not be a little bit obsessed with Victoria’s Secret supermodel and Sports Illustrated cover girl Marisa Miller? Besides the fact that that body is just damn near perfect, there’s a little sumthin’ sumethin’ about that face that just captures your attention. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s got an oddly shaped head, which just convinces you the girl has a little spice to her flavor. Or maybe it’s the dirty blonde hair. Whatever it is, Marisa Miller has got it going on, and this is just another gratuitous posting of Marisa Miller hotness.
Have I mentioned lately that I think Victoria’s Secret supermodel and bikini model goddess Marisa Miller has what can quite possibly be considered the best body in the whole damn world? I don’t know if the woman has a single inch of fat on that perfect, curvaceous body, but holy God, it’s impossible not to drool when even a clothed picture of her is around, so you can imagine that my computer keyboard is now soaked after witnessing these gorgeous bikini pictures of her in the 2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Mama mia! I think I’m in love. And oh yeah, she’s the cover girl of this year’s swimsuit issue.
Sundays are great, but Sundays with Marisa Miller’s bodacious curves to ogle at to pass the time is even better. Although I’m pretty sure that if you put your mind to it, you could probably come up with something better to do with your time. I mean, come on, guys, Marisa Miller is a hot woman and all that, but why are you sitting at your computer staring at her on a nice, breezy Sunday. (Or at least it’s nice and breezy over here.) Are you saying you really have nothing better to do? If that’s true, you should think about getting a weekend job. Everyone likes people with weekend jobs. It’s, like, on the weekend, which makes it more special. Or something. Anyways, some Marisa Miller bodacious curves (and of course by “curves” I mean that freakishly hot zero fat body of hers) to liven up your lame Sunday.
Let’s face it, guys, there isn’t a woman out there who can be called more perfect than Marisa Miller. The woman is so perfect she went from modeling failed magazines to doing supermodel runway work to wowing in the pages of Sports Illustrated. But of course being perfect means it sucks when she puts on too much clothes because we’ve already seen just how good she looks without them. And when it comes to Marisa Miller, “too much” is basically anything thicker than a two-piece bikini. So here’s Marisa Miller somewhere doing something looking good even with way too much clothes on. But you know what? She still looks damn good anyway, which says a lot about her.
In case you haven’t heard, Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller are Victoria’s Secrets new “It” girls. Or at least, they’re wearing T-shirts that says they’re Victoria’s Secrets’ “It” girls. Very, very tight white T-shirts, I might add, but then you probably have that figured out. We’re talking about two smoking hot supermodels at the top of their game; of COURSE they’re going to be wearing clothes that are at least two sizes too small. Here are the two girls at a Victoria’s Secret booth (in a mall, one presumes) promoting the latest line of bras. Too bad they aren’t trying it on for the press. Wouldn’t THAT be fun? Yes, yes, it would be. And they look like they could be sisters, too. Ooooh, fantasy alert, boys! Fantasy material alert!
TGIF, right? Thank God it’s Fridays with Marisa Miller and her Itty Bitty Bikini. Wait, that’s not right. Oh well, it’s close enough. Anyways, here’s Marisa Miller and her itty bitty bikini to ensure that your slide into the weekend starts off with a bang. Some will say, “Hey, didn’t you just post some Marisa Miller pictures earlier this week?” To which I respond, “Shut the hell up, idiot!” Is Marisa Miller shooting a bikini photoshoot? Is she on vacation? But more importantly, if I stare at these pictures too long, will I go blind? All good questions, my son. Let’s give it a go and see what happens, shall we?