Victoria’s Secret Angels at the Beach. In Bikinis. Thank You, God.
So in case you missed it (what are you, stupid?), the Victoria’s Secret fashion show brought its whiz-bang over to Miami Beach for one of those exclusive fashion shows where hot girls dress up in lingerie and pretend they want to do you. All of you. Even Slow Johnny, who can barely answer the phone without vomiting. Anyhoo. So, while in Miami Beach, the Victoria’s Secret angels decided to go out for a walk on the beach. In matching white two-piece bikinis. Okay, so it was more like another crass commercial photoshoot, but am I complaining? Hell no! There were way too many angels there to get them all, but all the major ones were there, including Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel. So what do you do when you have these many hot girls in bikinis at the same place? Well, trying to get them all into your eyeball would just damage your eyeballs beyond reason, so let’s play “Find the Victoria’s Secret Angel with the tramp stamp!” One of them has it. Can you name her? I bet you can’t!
What Do you Call a Gaggle of Victoria’s Secret Models in One Location? Heaven, of Course.
When you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you basically have one job: sell, sell, sell. Sell what? Um, whatever it is they think of to sell, which could be anything from undies you can eat to machineguns. Okay, so Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell machineguns just yet, but trust me, it’s only a matter of time. (Yeah, right, like you guys wouldn’t buy an assault rifle if Miranda Kerr was holding it in an ad — while dress in her undies, of course. Two, please!) So with the holidays on the horizon, the Victoria’s Secret girls are out in force doing what they do best — selling the brand. Now normally this many hot women in one place would give me the vapors something awful, but since I’m not a Southern Belle, I’ll just have to deal with it. Present and accounted for are Heidi Klum, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr. (I think there is one girl there who I haven’t seen before…)
Miranda Kerr in Ocean Drive
I know what you’re thinking: What is this, the Miranda Kerr site now? Well no, but are you seriously complaining? It’s a hot girl in various states of half-undress. What are you, stupid? Anyways, why do we post so many Miranda Kerr stuff? Besides the fact that she’s a supermodel, and being a supermodel, her entire job is to wake up and do a photoshoot for people, there are a lot of really hot pictures of her around. Besides that, supermodels don’t come around that often, and you have to get as much of them as you can before they go get knock up by some rock star and squirt out some babies and before you know it they’re in their ’40s and over the hill. Are we really that superficial like that? Why yes, we are! Hence, more of Miranda Kerr, this time in Ocean Drive mag.
Victoria’s Secret Fitting Day aka The Best Job in the World
So what do you call the guys who gets to put girls like Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, and Miranda Kerr in lacy lingerie? Besides The Luckiest Bastard in The Whole Wide World, I mean. Well, actually, there isn’t a whole lot else to call him, except just that. Heck, I would do it for free, just as long as someone put me up for the night and gave me a hamburger here and there to live on. Other than that, I’m good with fitting Victoria’s Secret supermodels in their lacy frills for nothing at all. In fact, these girls are just so smoking hot, I would even ignore the fact that this year’s line of lingerie seems to be, er, kind of shitty looking. In particular what they have Heidi Klum wearing. My God, is it just me, or do they always end up giving her the most ludicrous thing to wear at these fashion shows?
Miranda Kerr in FHM
I don’t know when it started, but I don’t think supermodels showing up in men’s magazines like Maxim, FHM, or Stuff was the standard operating procedure a few years ago. Maybe it was when Gisele Bunchen decided to do one of the magazines that opened the floodgates for all the other supermodels to jump on board. Marisa Miller has also done them, and now you can add Australia’s greatest import since Max Max and that guy in the metal mask who talks into that speaker onto the list. Miranda Kerr is in the current issue of FHM magazine, which you can find at your local newsstands. Or just do what I do, and go to Barnes and Noble and read the whole thing there. Of course, the employees may get a little miff when they catch you doing, you know, things to yourself while gawking at these pictures of Miranda Kerr, but isn’t that what makes life special?
Miranda Kerr is Leggy
Now I’m not saying that Miranda Kerr has such long legs that she could probably kick me in the nuts all the way from Australia, but I am saying that if she warned me she was going to do it, I would probably take precautions. You know, just to be safe. As my gramps always says, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Of course, my gramps also thinks aliens abduct him every night and anal probe him, but who’s to say he’s wrong and I’m wrong? But nevermind all that. Where were we? Oh right. Miranda Kerr is one of the leggiest supermodels out there right now, which is probably not true, but for the purposes of this post, let’s just assume it is and go with it. Please to enjoy.
Double Dose of Aussie Hotness with Miranda Kerr and Delta Goodrem
Before Miranda Kerr and Delta Goodrem came around, it used to be that Australia was known only for kangaroos and that guy who likes to wrestle crocodiles. (Please send all hate mail to, therandompagehatesmycountry@randompage.com — this bit shamelessly stolen from Late Night with Conan O’Brien) Nowadays, it’s known for putting forth really hot women with great, long, lean bikini bodies. For example: Miranda Kerr and Delta Goodrem. Now if you were to ask me who I’d take to an island for the next 10 years, I would have to go with singer Delta Goodrem, which, I’ll grant you, is an odd choice considering that Miranda Kerr is, like, a supermodel and junk. But maybe it’s just the dress Delta is wearing in these pics, with those revealing shoulders, but the supermodel takes a backseat on this one. Sorry, Miranda, maybe when I get lost on another island, you can come along. But no promises, though.
Miranda Kerr Bikini Pics in Ralph Magazine
When you’ve been on every runway in the world and has graced the pages of Sports Illustrated’s world famous swimsuit issue and Victoria’s Secrets skimpy-ish catalogs, isn’t showing up in a lad’s magazine like Ralph kind of taking a step backwards in one’s career? I don’t know, I really can’t figure the politics of lad’s magazines; that’s the kind of stuff for men greater than I. But what about Miranda Kerr’s latest bikini-clad appearance in a magazine? Oh yes, we’re definitely feeling the Aussie heat, and then some. The woman is fabulously hot, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she knocks off Marisa Miller for the SI Swimsuit Issue cover in 2009. She’s got the makings of something special, I’m telling you. Now if she’ll only return my phone calls…
Mondays with Miranda Kerr
Let’s face it, there’s nothing hotter than a really hot woman in high heels and wearing nothing but a two-piece bikini. It’s right up there with getting a sneak peak at Marisa Miller as she’s changing clothes and doesn’t know you’re hiding outside her window and winning the Superbowl and then punching every douche bag you’ve ever met in your life in the face. Okay, so maybe not so much the second one (unless, you know, you’re into that kind of thing). Having said that, here are some recent bikini pictures of Miranda Kerr strutting her stuff in high heels on the catwalk somewhere at a fashion show. Does the location matter? It’s all about the girl, the heels, and the bikini. Please to ogle.
Miranda Kerr’s Heavenly Kiss
Australian supermodel and newest Victoria’s Secret gal Miranda Kerr was recently somewhere selling something called Heavenly Kiss, which I think is a shoe or something, for her slave masters at Victoria’s Secret (I spit on your need for research — PFFT!), and she was looking awfully good doing it, too. But then again, she is a world renown supermodel, after all, so looking awfully good doing things is pretty much the only criteria she had to meet, and oh my does Miranda Kerr ever meet said criteria. In fact, I’m pretty sure she would look stunning beating a baby seal with a club, which, I hear, the Victoria’s Secret models have to do at least once a month in order to maintain their girlish figure.
Miranda Kerr Models Some Bikinis
In an interview on TV, Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr confesses that as a kid she was a tomboy, which luckily didn’t prevent her from growing up into an uber hot babe that fills out a two-piece bikini like it’s going out of style, which from my count, is bound to happen in another week or so, because let’s face it, bikinis can’t possibly last forever. Could they? Where was I? Oh right, Miranda Kerr is really hot, and here are some bikini pictures that she posed for during one of her modeling gigs. Victoria’s Secret models do some nutty things, but bikini modeling gigs are certainly one of those things we’re all thankful for.
Miranda Kerr Shows Us Her Bra
Okay, so maybe the title of the post is a bit misleading, but look! Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr IS showing us her bra! Okay, so maybe it’s not her bra, but it’s definitely a bra, and she’s definitely showing it off to us. See? That wasn’t ENTIRELY a lie, it was just kinda not true. Anyhoo, here’s Australia supermodel Miranda Kerr doing her job as a Victoria’s Secret angel by modeling some bras at yet another Victoria’s Secret store somewhere on the Planet Earth. Look, does it matter? You’re not going into those stores by yourself anyway, and let’s face it, you’re not dating anyone who can fit into those lingerie they sell. So just look at these pictures and daydream, ya bums.
Three Wet Dreams for the Price of One
Seeing not one, not two, but three two-piece bikini-clad Victoria’s Secret supermodels frolicking about on the beach while holding onto each other as if they’re afraid they might get wash away by the tide reminds me of a dream I once had, where I woke up all sweaty and cursing the sun. If you absolutely must ask what they’re doing here, I would wager a guess and say it’s some kind of photoshoot for Victoria’s Secret bikinis. Mind you, if you have to ask in the first place, you’re probably at the wrong site, because frankly, what does it matter what they’re doing, and for what purposes. It’s Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Miranda Kerr all bikini-ed out and prancing around on a beach. Dude, seriously? You wanna know the background to this?
Miranda Kerr is Bikini-licious
Pretty celebrities in rare bikini moments are fine and well, but sometimes you just gotta have the real thing — supermodels doing the bikini thing is probably as close to perfection as you can possibly get. And while Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr doesn’t have what I would consider the perfect bikini body, it’s still pretty damn hot stuff, and when the weather outside is going down faster than Paris Hilton in front of Fleet Week, what more could you ask for? So, Miranda Kerr bikini pictures from the beach. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
Down Under Hottie Miranda Kerr
Don’t let the babyface fool you — Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr was born in 1983, and has traveled the globe many times over. Such is the life of an in-demand supermodel. Personally, we don’t know anything about that, but we do appreciate a woman who does when we meet one. Miranda Kerr certainly meets one. Miranda Kerr has been described as looking a little bit like Audrey Hepburn, and we have to agree. We have no idea about her acting chops, but when you look this good, does talent even matter? (Just ask Jessica Alba…)
Random Supermodel of the Day: Miranda Kerr
Composed of Serbian, Iranian, Turkish and Filipino blood, Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr is all mixed up when it comes to bloodline, but 100% babelicious when it comes to genetics. Besides doing the whole “too sexy for your ass” courtesy of a modelling gig exclusively with Victoria’s Secret, Kerr has also been spotted gyrating about in music videos, including Pharrel and Kanye West’s “Number 1″. She started modelling when she was just 13. At that same age, I was picking my nose and trying not to miss every Transformers episode known to man. I rock.