Ride’em Cowgirls: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz
Spanish spitfires Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz recently co-starred in a western called “Bandidas” that didn’t get a whole lot of airplay, mostly because it kinda sucked donkey balls. But you know what didn’t suck? Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz wearing chaps and running around a turn-of-the-century Mexico shooting people and pretending to make out while falling into rivers that, conveniently, left them dripping wet in see-through clothes. Yup, the producers of “Bandidas” were definitely selling the story. No, really. Anyhoo, the movie blew in and blew out, and blew all over the place along the way, but there was absolutely nothing wrong with its two stars, as these promos from the flick can testify. Hot chicks in chaps. Wow.
Trailer for Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona
There’s absolutely no reason why you should be excited about “seeing a Woody Allen movie”, unless you’re a film snob, in which case mentioning that you’re “going to go see a Woody Allen movie” to anyone within earshot is probably the best thing about your day, which is kind of pathetic, but whatever, it’s your life. Anyhoo. Why should you care about watching this trailer for “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”? Because it’s the movie where, word has it, Scarlett Johansson (the Woodman’s latest muse) gets into a threesome with some lucky Spanish dude and a skanky Penelope Cruz. There’s also supposed to be a major lesbian make-out scene. Hey, you can see some of that in this trailer! Now if the actual movie is half as sleaze-tastic as the trailer, then the Woodman has done a fine job. If not? Not so much.
Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson’s Lesbian and Threesome Scenes in Vicky Cristina Barcelona?
Wait, there is a steamy lesbian encounter between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s latest, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”? And then later the two engage in a threesome with Javier Bardem? Hot damn! This may just be the first Woody Allen movie I voluntarily go to see in, like, EVER. At least, if this report in the New York Post turns out to be true. “A source tells us: “It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping.” The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem.” So, uh, when does this movie open again?
Penelope Cruz’s Mouth + Something Long = Nuff Said
It’s not really as sexy as it sounds. Beautiful Spanish senorita Penelope Cruz was somewhere doing something at some occasion that resulted in someone giving her a fake Oscar statuette that she promptly put in her mouth and bit the head off, and then played around with the head in her mouth. Now I know that Freud says sometimes a pickle is just a pickle, but you know, when a beautiful woman does something oral with something that’s long and hard, men everywhere tend to pay attention. But come on, Penelope, watch the teeth, baby!
Meet Penlope’s Little Sister, Monica Cruz
One Cruz in the world to get men’s tongues all twisted is enough, but add a second, and younger Cruz? I tell ya, I don’t know if the men of the world can ever recover. But soldier on we must, for there is much Monica Cruz ogling to be catch up on. And really, can you blame little sis Monica for riding the coattails of big sis Penelope onto the big screen? She’s got the face and body for it, so why not go for it? And really, what is “acting” besides looking good on camera while faking it? I hear girls are good at that. Anyhoo, look for Monica Cruz in the movie “Last Hour”, which I found to be intriguing because it’s not only Monica’s first big movie, but it co-stars DMX and Michael Madsen. Can you imagine being introduced to Americans through those two?
“Sahara” Lawsuit Underway. In God’s Name, Why???
Apparently someone actually cares enough about the 2005 Matthew McConaughey movie “Sahara” to sue over it. Or actually, there are dueling lawsuits over it — one by novelist Clive Cussler, from whose book the movie was based, and the other by the production company that made the movie. Who cares about the specifics of the cases, it’s just stunning that anyone would waste time with such a bad movie made over 2 years ago. I mean, it was a monumental box office flop, and everyone wasted their time on it, so why rehash it out now? Go figure. Anyways, you can read more about it here, but I wouldn’t bother. It’s just rich guys suing each other over whose dong is bigger.
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
For some reason, when a famous celebrity strips down to a two-piece bikini and doesn’t look as great as they should (or at least as we expect them to), it’s always a little disappointment, eliciting a feeling of, as the kids would say, “gyp-ness”. So here’s Spanish babe Penelope Cruz sunning and swimming and yachting herself in the Mediterranean Sea. Not bad, but you know, the completely unrealistic part of me wants her to look better. After all, what’s the point of having all that money and fame if you can’t have a personal plastic surgeon tuck away in your trailer just for such occassions?
Penelope Cruz Bikini Pictures
Fresh off her split with Matthew “Way too Handsome for a Man” McConaughey, Spanish babe Penelopze Cruz was caught on the sandy beaches of St Tropez, the other fave vacation spot for rich beautiful people (the other being Barbados, of course) with some pale white guy who no one wants to see, and so they shall not. Penelope Cruz in a two-piece bikini is potentially pretty hot stuff, but Penelope Cruz in a two-piece that looks like she stole it from the 1930s is kinda lame. I’m so disappointed in my Spanish fly.
Penelope Cruz is On Fire
Spainish beauty Penelope Cruz co-stars with Mexican hottie Salma Hayek in a Western called “Bandidas”, in which the two play bandits in the Old West, which is coming to a theater near you soon. For now, check out these gorgeous pics of the gorgeous Penelope in red, a color that has never looked more fetching.