Real Life Battle at Kruger on Video
This is just awesome. Seriously, just bloody awesome. An amateur photographer on safari in South Africa ran across a pride of lions just laying in wait for a family of Cape Buffaloes. When they get close enough, the lions strike, giving chase. The two adult buffaloes get away, but the lions manage to catch the baby buffalo and send it into the river. But that’s not the end of it. As the pride is trying to drag the defeated baby buffalo out of the river, a crocodile shows up and wants a piece! But wait, that’s not the end of it! Did I mention that the baby buffalo had parents, and his parents have friends? Lots and lots of friends…?
Danny Bonaduce Face Plants Jonny (Jon Dalton) Fairplay
This is, bar none, the best thing to happen to Reality TV since Britney Spears showed the world what a frakkin’ moron she is with her show Chaotic. In this one, you have Danny Bonaduce, who looks like the Hulk on steroids, and Jonny (Jon Dalton) Fairplay, that dork from Survivor who told everyone his grandma died so he would get the sympathy vote. So they’re at some Reality TV shindig, up on stage, when Fairplay hops into Bonaduce’s arms and starts, from what I can tell, dry humping his face. So what does Bonaduce do? He does what any man would do — he throws Fairplay over his shoulder and to the floor, where Fairplay’s face said “Hi!” to the floor. Word is, Fairplay lost a couple of teeth, and is now suing Bonaduce for assault! Talk about great moments in TV.
Witness the Damnation that is Kid Nation…
What kind of bad parent do you have to be to agree to hand your kids over to a TV network so they can be tossed into an old ghost town to fend for themselves? Well that’s the premise of CBS’ controversial and Godawful Kid Nation, a show where 40 children, with the oldest being 15 (and the youngest barely 
are sent to a dead Western ghost town that has failed so they can rebuild it. The object, it appears, is to see if they can survive and fend for themselves, or maybe show up the adults because, let’s face it, kids nowadays thinks they can do anything and know everything, so why not toss them into an old ghost town and tell them to make it work? Is this show the worst thing on TV? Maybe. Are the parents who gave their kids to this show the worst parents EVER? Absolutely-frakkin’-lutely.
Victoria Beckham is Coming to America
I’m not as much shock that Victoria Beckham is getting her Reality TV show (because frankly, anyone can get a Reality TV show nowadays; hell, even the Corey Boys are getting their own Reality TV show on A&E, and no one even remembers who they are!), but I am a little shock that Beckham’s show, “Coming to America” ended up at a big network like NBC. Second tier celebrities usually will be happy to get their Reality TV shows on cable TV, but not NETWORK TV. I mean, come on, that’s FREE TV, and in America, free TV is actually more prestigious than pay TV. But anyways, she’s got her own TV show, and she’s coming to America (or so I’ve heard), and here’s your first taste of Posh in L.A. God help us all. Although I do kinda like the fact that Beckham’s trip to the DMV will suck just like the rest of ours.
What’s with all the Reality TV Karaoke Shows?
Seriously, what is the deal with all the karaoke singing shows coming on TV at the exact same time? I think there are three of them right now, each one sounding even worst than the last. There’s the one with Wayne Brady, where contestants has to figure out which lyrics come next to win prizes and junk; there’s the one with that fat guy from N’Sync or Backstreet Boys (well, he’s from one of those boy bands, take your pick, they’re interchangeable); and a third show that I don’t even know the title to, but it’s probably just as ridiculous. Basically, what the hell is up with the karaoke Reality TV shows? It’s bad enough having to listen to your untalented co-worker singing while sloshed on margaritas, now you gotta sit there and listen to them do it on national TV? Good grief, this country’s going to hell.
Meet the Babes of Big Brother 8
Okay, so maybe not all of them are babes. What’s with the late-30s chick? Isn’t there some law about women over 30 being on one of these Reality TV shows? There are seven of the lovely ladies this time around, including brunette cocktail waitress Amber, 21-year old student Carol, blonde bombshell Daniele (yeah, I think you know who I’m rooting for), school marm Jameka, sultry brunette Jen, a second blonde Jessica, and 37-year old Kali. “Big Brother 8″ premieres tonight on CBS, and if you’re reading this now, then you’ve probably already missed the premiere. What’s wrong with you? Catch up, dammit!
Reality TV Babe Jill Nicolini
Jill Nicolini doesn’t take No for an answer. The Long Island native has been on two Reality TV programs (”Married by America” and the recent Pussycat Dolls debacle), and she’s currently the traffic reporter for CW11 Morning News in New York. When she was 24, she won Miss Long Island, but when the pageant organizers found out that she had once posed for Playboy, her crown was stripped, forcing our would-be model into a life of Reality TV and morning news. And let’s face it; no one should have to endure working in — gasp — morning news.
Ashley Massaro Leaves the WWE for Survivor
It appears the ring of the World Wrestling Entertainment was much too constraining for everyone’s favorite WWE diva Ashley Massaro (well, favorite right after Stacy Keibler, anyway), so Ashley has left the WWE to appear as one of the contestants on the long-running Reality TV show “Survivor”. Or at least that’s the word from ProWrestling.com. I wonder if she’s going to take her mouth rings with her. Or would you call those lip rings? Whatever you call them, I wish she’d get rid of them. I feel queasy just looking at them…
Anchorwoman Reality TV Star Lauren Jones
Lauren Jones is a model who wants to be an anchorwoman. Or at least, that’s the premise of the new Fox Reality TV show “Anchorwoman”, which will follow Jones as she starts a career in TV news reporting in the town of Tyler, Texas. So what exactly qualifies Jones to take a stab at journalism? Well, she was a swimsuit model, and has been on WWE’s “SmackDown!” and “The Guiding Light” soap opera, so that, um — Well let’s just put it this way: She’s not gonna have any less experience than the army of pretty faces that currently graces cable news. And besides, Lauren Jones is friggin hot.
Lindsay Lohan’s Mom Dina Lohan is Kinda Hot
Is it wrong that I think Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s 40-something mother, is kinda hot? (I know, first the whole Valerie Plame thing, and now this Dina Lohan thing. I’m on a 40-something “Kinda Hot” roll!) But hey, everytime I see Dina on the tube, I can’t help but think that she’s not entirely unattractive. Heck, I think Dina is even better looking than spotty daughter Lindsay. And hey, if all goes well, we might get to see Dina on the tube once a week on her own Reality TV show called “Mom-ager”. According to this, in “Mom-ager” Dina will try to turn her other children, 14-year-old Ali and 11-year-old Cody, into entertainment stars like big sis Lindsay. You know, Rehab Lindsay?
Jordin Sparks is Your American Idol Season 6 Winner
As if there was any doubt, Jordin Sparks, all 7-foot of her, won American Idol’s final show and as a result, will instantly become a millionaire and popstar diva. She beat beat boxing dude Blake Lewis for the crown, but that wasn’t any shocker. I think everyone just assumed Sparks would win based on talent and the fact that she doesn’t beat box which is, let’s face it, a really stupid thing to still be doing in your ’20s, Blake. But hey, they sure squeezed that final episode for all it was worth, didn’t they? Two hours of singing. Wow. I didn’t know I could waste 2 hours that badly, but there it was.
Donald Trump Quits The Apprentice
In a last bid effort to salvage his dignity, real estate tycoon Donald Trump has “quit” his TV show “The Apprentice” and is “moving on” to another TV venture. Of course his quitting the show would have been a lot more impressive if NBC hadn’t already buried it. Which is like me sorta breaking up with Elizabeth Hurley even though she has no idea who I am, and would call the cops if she did see me sneaking around in her backyard. But I digress. Donald can quit “The Apprentice” if he wants, because frankly the only Trump we care to see on TV is Ivanka.
Video: And1’s The Professor Highlights
In case you don’t know who he is, Grayson Boucher, aka The Professor, is a skinny white kid who ESPN’s And1 Streetball Mixtape Tour reality TV contest. Basically, the And1 are a bunch of streetballers who drives to different cities on a bus to take on that city’s best ballers. On the show, “Streetball”, contestants are chosen from the throng that shows up to play the And1 crew, and if they are good enough, are “put on the bus”, where they stay as long as they continue to perform. The winner, at the end of the season, is awarded an And1 contest and joins the tour. All that is a long-winded way of introducing to you The Professor’s video highlights. Check it out.
Melinda Doolittle Eliminated from American Idol
Wednesday’s American Idol Results show eliminated Melinda Doolittle, leaving between a duel between beat-bopping dork Blake Lewis and 7-feet tall giant Jordin Sparks. In case you haven’t been watching the show, Melinda has been Simon’s favorite since forever, and she was a former back-up singer (say goodbye to the back-up duties, baby?) who has since come up front. The girl’s got great vocals and should get signed pretty fast. But without the American Idol machine behind her career, who knows where her career will end up. Now it’s Blake Lewis vs. Jordin Sparks. WHO YA GOT??
Reality TV Babe Heidi Montag Shows Off her New Breast Implants
MTV has been known for many things, but lately they seem to be known for producing cheaply made and produced Reality TV programs at an astounding clip. How many “date” (and I use the term loosely; it’s more like, “fake date”) shows do they currently have in their stable? I think around 4000 at last count, but I could be wrong. They also have a ton of “Laguna Beach” like shows, and one of them is “The Hills”. Of the cast, Heidi Montag and Lauren Conrad have gained some measure of fame outside the show, with Conrad getting it by way of a supposed sex tape, while Heidi Montag just looks damn good in a bikini. It’s known for a while now that Heidi had gotten breast implants, and when you spend that much money on sometime, you want people to photograph you “casually” frolicking on the beach in your bikini. The Hills, indeed!
American Idol’s Constantine Maroulis Lands on Daytime TV
Proving that Yes, you can get by with just looks alone, former American Idol Season 4 reject Constantine Maroulis has landed a role on the daytime TV soap “The Bold and the Beautiful”, reports IMDB.com. Constanine will make his TV debut on the show’s May 15 episode, playing a music producer. He joins fellow American Idol reject Matthew Metzger, from Season Three, to land gigs on American daytime TV. Hey, it’s not “Dreamgirls”, but it’ll do for now.
American Idol Jessica Sierra Arrested for Assault, Drug Possession
It’s not a good time to be an ex-American Idol finalist right now. There was that whole brouhaha with Antonella Barba and some racy pictures, then Olivia Mojica had to deal with a sex tape, and now Season 4 finalist Jessica Sierra is in hot water, and has been was arrested and charged this weekend with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, possession of cocaine, and introduction of contraband into a detention facility, according to police reports. But hey, on the plus side, at least she didn’t show up naked on anyone’s website or on anyone’s home video, right?
Heather Mills Eliminated from DANCING WITH THE STARS
Here’s how much I know about ABC’s mega hit “Dancing With the Stars” show — I still don’t know what the winners get. I mean, do they get free dance lessons for life? Free tap shoes? What exactly does winning “Dancing with the Stars” means besides, you know, winning “Dancing with the Stars”? Anyhoo, nevermind my ignorance. The latest person to get kicked off the show is Heather Mills. And if you don’t know who Heather Mills is, then you probably don’t own the TV. But if you do own a TV and you still don’t know who Heather Mills is, you need to burn your TV or give it away to that bum sleeping in your trash bin.
Asia Nitollano Wins SEARCH FOR THE NEXT PUSSYCAT DOLLS
In case you missed it (or actually, in case you’re one of the 10 people who actually watches the show and cares who wins), the winner of “Search for the Next Pussycat Dolls” is Asia Nitollano, who outlasted the two other Doll-wannabe finalists, Melissa Smith and Chelsea Korka. So who exactly is this newest Pussycat Doll? She hails from Mt. Vernon, New York, and was born on Valentine’s Day. Although only 18, Asia is already a single mother. She also used to be a dancer for the New York Knicks, and her favorites include vanilla milkshake, chicken fingers, hamburgers and French fries, and going by the single mother status at 17, she likes them boys. What exactly did they mean when they said the Pussycat Dolls are all about female empowerment again?
The Apprentice’s Kristine Lefebvre to Appear in Playboy
All you Reality TV Competition Show fans rejoice, because fired “Apprentice: L.A.” babe Kristine Lefebvre will be dropping her legal briefs (har har, get it? she’s a lawyer? brief?) for Playboy very soon. Reports the AP: “Lefebvre, 37, is a cancer survivor who wanted to use the magazine opportunity to send a message of support to others with the disease.” Wow, is that the most original reason to get nude or what? Either way, god bless cancer. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.