Dresden Files Babe Valerie Cruz Hops onboard Dexter
Sa-weet! Someone out there in Hollywood was smart enough to get the gorgeous babe from the Sci Fi Channel’s canceled The Dresden Files another prime-time weekly gig. Valerie Cruz, who played tough cop chick and all-around hottie Connie Murphy on Dresden will be joining the cast of Showtime’s Dexter Season 3. She won’t be a cop this time (too bad, she did hot cop very well), but will be playing a character’s wife on the show. Boooo! Besides Dexter, you can also catch Valerie in the upcoming “No Man’s Land: The Rise of Reeker”, which I think is a horror movie. A horror sequel, actually. Bleh. And did I mention that Valerie Cruz is hot?
Burn Notice Season 2 Promos
That’s right, baby! The best show on TV is back! Burn Notice Season 2 returns to the airwaves, and once again, there is a reason to not just skip over the USA Network the way we normally do. The last time we saw Michael Westen, burned CIA spy extraordinaire, he had signed up with a cloak and dagger organization in order to further his investigation into who burned him, leaving behind a sadden Fiona (the always tantalizingly hot Gabrielle Anwar), his nagging mom, and best pal (and FBI mole) Sam Axe. But who are the mysterious figures behind this organization, and what plans do they have for Michael? All these questions answered (hopefully), and more Fiona hotness in Season 2 of Burn Notice, starting July 10 on the USA Network. Ah, life is good again.
Mary-Louise Parker in Weed Promos
Wow, has it been four years since Mary-Louise Parker found her true calling on TV via Showtime’s drug dealing suburban mom dramedy Weeds? Apparently so, because these pictures of Mary-Louise Parker are Season 4 promos of the show. If you haven’t watched it, then you’re missing out — well, okay, maybe not. I have never actually seen the show myself, but I’ve always thought Mary-Louise Parker was such a babe, and four years on cable TV hasn’t changed my opinion of her any. In fact, if anything, I think she’s just gotten hotter and cuter. But hey, if you have Showtime (and I don’t, I’m poor), check her show out. Or not. What am I, your babysitter? Do whatever the hell you want.
Sprague Grayden Lives on at FOX
CBS may have canceled her show not once, but twice, but everyone’s favorite post-apocalyptic spunky schoolmarm, Sprague Grayden, won’t go down without a fight. The lovely lass, much underrated for her liveliness, has landed two roles on the FOX network — a role in the upcoming seventh season of 24, and another on the network’s cable channel FX, the new show Sons of Anarchy. She’ll be playing a biker’s wife in Anarchy, and the president’s daughter on 24. If Jack Bauer knows what’s good for him, he’ll stay away from her. Everyone this guy gets close to bites the dust.
The Pink Ranger is Now a SWAT Chick
Hey, check it out, the Pink Ranger is now a SWAT chick, and some of her job duties on the new CBS show Flashpoint include: “Rescues hostages, busts gangs, defuses bombs, climbs the sides of buildings and talks down suicidal teens.” Shit. She’s gotta rescue stupid suicidal emo teens AND bust inner city gangs? Dude, the Pink Ranger has really grown up! I’m talking about Amy Jo Johnson, of course, who broke onto the scene playing the Pink Ranger in the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers TV show and subsequent movie. Yes, I used to watch the Power Rangers back in the day, but only because they doled out very valuable lessons about life, love, and impossibly cool ways to kick the crap out of plastic monsters and crush cardboard skyscrapers. Flashpoint promos with the Pink Ranger — er, I mean, Amy Jo Johnson below.
Holy Crap. David Cook Wins American Idol
Um, remember when I said that American Idol was predictable, and that there was no way in hell David Archuleta wouldn’t win the current season of American Idol? I believe I even referenced my deity at that time. Well, um, I was wrong. David Cook has been named the American Idol champ with a staggering 12% difference in votes. Wow. This, even after Simon Cowell basically gave the title to Archuleta and thumbed his nose at David Cook’s song selections. How does that Humble Pie taste, Simon? Har har. Check out David Cook’s performances from last night’s show. I’m shocked as hell he won, but not entirely unhappy. The dude was just the better singer, let’s face it.
Billie Piper in Secret Diary of a Call Girl Promos
Billie Piper’s risque TV show Secret Diary of a Call Girl is getting a Stateside date — Showtime is bringing the naughty show, which stars Billie Piper as a, well, secret call girl, over to the States, and plans to run it starting in June of 2008. The show is supposedly based on a blog by an actual call girl, but it’s a blog, so who the hell knows who actually wrote it, it could be a fat guy for all anyone knows. But what can’t be deny is that Billie Piper looks pretty damn hot in the show, and I’ve seen a couple of episodes. No word about an American remake, though, which is probably for the best; Billie Piper and that British accent is just too damn hot to be replaced. Some photos and opening credits for the show below.
The New Beverly Hills 90210. Now With a Black Guy.
Their tagline is, “You wanna live in the zip, you gotta live by the code.” Yes. It sucks that much donkey ass. But hey, you probably liked the original too, didn’t you? Well guess what, you’re going to get more of the same. Well, okay, the guys who made this one threw in a token black dude — an ADOPTED one at that, because, you know, black folks don’t know how to raise their kids, or can’t, so white folks gotta lend a hand. And stuff. Basically, it’s another TV show starring people in their late ’20s acting like teenagers, written by people in their ’30s, trying to write “young”. You know, like the original 90210. Watch it. Love it. Then go shoot yourself. And if it’s teen and it blows, you gotta know it’s going to be on the CW, doncha?
Mary McCormack and Nichole Hiltz Promos for In Plain Sight
Wait a minute, didn’t they already tried a show like this on ABC staring Carla Gugino, and it got canceled? Oh wait, that one was called Karen Sisco, and this one’s called In Plain Sight. Also, instead of Gugino, the USA Network has Mary McCormack, who I’ve had a mad crush on ever since playing Howard Stern’s long-suffering wife in the movie “Private Parts”. Mind you, not that I’m going to do anything about said crush, like, go to her house and stuff. I mean, come on, I’m not crazy or anything. (Plus gas is so expensive right now and I don’t know if I can afford the trip.) Anyhoo, here are some promos from Mary’s new show In Plain Sight on the USA Network. Mary plays a way-too-hot-to-be-one U.S. Marshall who guards a bunch of witness protection idiots. Much hilarity ensues. It co-stars Nichole Hiltz, who looks, er, weird.
Lauren Lee Smith is a new CSI Cop Babe
Let’s face it, if real female cops looked as good as the ones on the CSI shows, a lot of guys would be lining up to pull some crimes. But seriously, CSI must be the sweetest gig in the world. You show up at a fake crime scene in designer clothes and shoes, you spit out some snappy one-liners, and then spend the next week memorizing forensics techno babble, and collect a big paycheck. You gotta wonder why anyone would leave these shows. Well Jorja Fox recently left, and now they’ve replace her with Lauren Lee Smith, who will be playing a flirtatious character named Bryce Adams. And yes, the babe factor has not declined one bit. In fact, I dare say that Lauren Lee Smith has added to it. Proof below.
Jennie Garth Heads back to Beverly Hills 90210
She keeps trying to get out, but they keep pulling her back in! Yes, you heard the rumors, and it’s true — the CW is bringing back FOX’s Beverly Hills 90210. This isn’t the original show, remade, but it mind as well be. Instead, this will be some kind of spin-off show, and guess what? Jennie Garth is returning to the show and will be reprising her character Kelly Taylor. Mind you, not that I know who the hell Kelly Taylor is, but that’s what my TV just said, so I’m using this opportunity to post some really nice pictures of Jennie Garth. She is, as the kids say, hawt. So, um, tune into the CW. Better yet, don’t, and let’s hope it goes away very soon.
Natassia Malthe’s Scarlet is a TV Commercial for LG
I found this reveal very interesting, because I sort of swim in the world of TV and movie news, and I’ve begun seeing commercials and adverts for a new TV show called “Scarlet” all across the net, and I was very curious. Not least of all because I haven’t heard anything about it, and no one seems to be reporting it. Turns out, it wasn’t a TV show starring Natassia Malthe, it was in fact a TV commercial for LG’s new line of flatscreen TVs starring Natassia Malthe. Go figure. Check out some of the commercials below. Okay, so the commercials actually look like commercials, but the ads I’ve seen for the commercial actually makes it seem like a TV show. But in any case, now you know.
Sports Babe of the Day: Caroline Pearce
Our Sports Babe of the Day comes from Britain, and her name is Caroline Pearce, and yes, she is incredibly hot. A former bobsledder and heptathlete (that’s someone who completes in the heptathlon, in case you don’t habla), the physically incredible blonde babe was chosen out of 20,000 contestants to beat the crap out of everyday people in the newly revived American Gladiators TV show when it returns for its second season on NBC. Caroline’s character on the show will be Ice, but I’ll tell you what, there is nothing icy about this drop-dead gorgeous beauty.
Elisha Cuthbert Returns to TV, Still Hot
She keeps trying to get out of TV, but they keep pulling her back in! Or maybe the movie career just ain’t going so hot lately, which may be why former 24 star Elisha Cuthbert is attempting to re-ply her trade back on TVland, in a new drama for CBS called “Ny-lon”. The premise of the show: “Ny-Lon centers on Edie (Cuthbert), a New York literacy teacher/record store clerk, and Michael, a London stock broker, who embark on a cross-continental romance.” Better not give up on that movie career, Elisha, this show looks like it has the makings of a one-and-outer — that is, one season in, and see ya. But hey, she can still hang out with Paris Hilton, right? I hear they’re BFF now.
The Sci Fi Channel is Bringing Scare Tactics Back, Baby!
A few years ago, the Sci Fi Channel had a show called Scare Tactics that I thought was one of the best shows they had on the channel. It’s a prank show that uses cinematic tricks, make-up, and premises built around horror and science fiction movies like aliens, mutant rats, etc. Basically, someone would set a friend or family member up to, say, babysit a house or work at a factory, and slowly something horrific would start to happen.The show actually got sued by one of their victims a few years back, which shut it down for a while, and now the Sci Fi Channel has announced that the show is coming back for a new season! No idea who the new host will be; previous hosts included Shannen Doherty and Stephen Baldwin. My advice? Bring back Shannen. Or at least an equally sexy host.
Judy Greer and Brooke Burns in Miss Guided Promos
Wow, someone finally figured out that Judy Greer is a major talent, and besides making her play the best friend of every romantic comedy lead since the dawn of time, they’ve finally given her her own TV show. Unfortunately, word is that Miss Guided, Greer’s show, isn’t going to last for very long, which probably means it’s back to the sassy best friend role for Greer. Lame. In the meantime, we can at least turn our Tivos to record every episode, because when was the last time we saw Brooke Burns on a TV show showing off those unfathomably long legs and near-perfect face? Judy Greer has the pretty thing down, but damn, Brooke Burns has the “Good God that is one gorgeous girl” thing down since Baywatch. Promos from the show for the two babes.
Promos from Dancing with the Stars
Or at least, er, the attractive ones. We’re talking about Shannon Elizabeth, Priscilla Presley, and Marlee Matlin. Hey, I have nothing against Monica Seles and Kristi Yamaguchi, or Marissa Jaret Winokur (whoever the hell that is), but it’s all about Shannon Elizabeth and the forever young Priscilla Presley. Here are their official promos from the show. Now I don’t actually watch the show or anything, but you know, just in case you end up watching it, by accident or whatever, you can always tell your girlfriends that you tuned in simply to dig the hotties like Shannon, Priscilla, and Marlee. And if that doesn’t work, just hit her over the head with a pan and keep watching.
Hollywood Top 5: Hottest NYPD Blue Cops
Let’s face it: besides being the first show on TV to show bare (and oftentimes very unseemingly male) buttocks (I’m looking at you, Dennis Franz), ABC’s NYPD Blue also constantly offered up some of the hottest female cops to ever put on the fake police badge. And we’re going to ignore the non-cop characters here, like Sherry Stringfield or the slew of hot D.A.’s that followed her. Even with just limiting our scope to the female Detectives of the show, we have our hands full trying to sift through the ladies, because honestly, there are a lot of them. So let’s begin, shall we? Here, then, are our Hottest NYPD Blue cops.
Paris Hilton is My New BFF. As if.
Is it my curse to continually mention that Paris Hilton, upon being released from prison, ran to Larry King to announce her epiphanies regarding the emptiness of her life and how she would like to change in order to better the world? Probably. Here’s great news for you TV lovers, because God has blessed us once again with a Paris Hilton Reality TV show. This time, Paris Hilton is once again set to wow us with her amazing generosity, as she gives 20 pathetic attention-seeking whores good souls the chance to become her new best friend in an MTV “Reality” TV show called Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. No, seriously. I know you think I’m making this crap up, but I promise you, I’m not. Keep reading.
Britney Spears to Guest Star on How I Met Your Mother
Not content to just nearly destroy any notion of street cred that the MTV Music Awards may still have had say, a few years ago, Britney Spears is now set to hee-haw her way through an episode of the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. If you have never heard of How I Met Your Mother, then you’re not alone. I seriously have no idea how that show is still on the air. Sure, it’s not entirely UNfunny, but it’s kinda, well, vanilla. In any case, Britney Spears will be playing a character named Abby, who works in the doctor’s office owned by main character Ted”, and is described as “sweet and friendly and scattered and a little nerdy”. Wow. Britney Spears is going to be playing a character that is “a little nerdy”. When will Hollywood stop stereotyping people? It’s just wrong, y’all.