When did Vanessa Hudgens Become a Black Woman?
So, um, when did 20-year old Vanessa Hudgens, the girl from the Disney Channel who nearly FUBAR her career when she got frisky and sent nekkid pictures of herself to her boyfriend, turn from a cute, almost-show-up-half-naked-in-Maxim into a 50-year old black woman? I have no idea, but I swear, if I didn’t see that little tight body of Vanessa Hudgens running around (with that “Oh come on, you know I’m nasty” look on her face) in this video for “Sneaker Night”, I would swear that it was a 50-year old black woman doing the singing. And in case you didn’t hear, what this means is basically they’re going to dance. Dance. And dance. Um. Music video below. Crappy song, to be sure, but there’s nothing wrong with that body and “do me” expression.
MILF Alert: Nia Peeples Still Kicks Ass
Can you believe that Nia Peeples is 46 years old going on 47? Yup, it’s true. Or at least, if you believe IMDB.com, and really, how could you not believe IMDB.com? Usually when an actress’s age is wrong on IMDB.com, someone corrects it pretty quickly. So yeah, Nia Peeples, Nicole Chapman from Fame and Sydney Cooke from Walker, Texas Ranger (and come on, who doesn’t watch Walker, Texas Ranger? It’s not only about Walker, but he’s also a Texas Ranger!), is 46 years old this year. Currently you can catch her on The Young and the Restless, probably playing someone’s mom. Or not. Hey, it’s not like I actually watch daytime soaps, mind you. By the way, did I mention that Nia Peeples is really hot for a 46-year old broad?
Latin Flavor: Natalia Jerez
Let’s face it, I could go on and on and pretend I know who the hell Natalia Jerez is, but I’m not, because that’s just how it’s gonna be today. Maybe on another day I’ll pull out the bullshit shovel and start shovelin’, but why bother? I blame it on my ability to be lazy at the drop of a hat. Anyhoo, she is a Latina who may or may not be Colombian (what am I, the Latin detector?), and is the host of something called Isla de los famosos: Una aventura Maya - Colombia, La, according to IMDB.com. But never mind all that background noise. Here’s a pictorial she did for Soho, including the video because that’s just how I roll.
Ball Girl Makes Amazing Wall Leaping Catch
Holy crap! Did you just see that? Yup, it was live and it was real — a ball girl at a Triple A baseball game (that’s minor league for those of you who don’t habla baseball) really did just leap into the far wall, pushed off once, landed on another wall, and caught a flying baseball coming at her at who knows how many miles per second with a simple twist of her body. Take a look at the outfielder’s reaction when the girl tosses him the ball and casually runs back to her chair to take her seat. Holy cow! Someone either get this girl a gymnastics scholarship or sign her up for the WNBA! See for yourself. Quite possibly the most amazing catch I’ve seen on a baseball field — by a girl!
Video: Student and Bus Driver Brawl
Is this close-circuit video of a bus brawl between an unruly 15-year old female student and a ticked off 47-year old female bus driver funny or tragic, or both? And come on, admit it, if you were the bus driver, you would have punch the 15-year old, like, the first time she screamed at you while still talking on the phone. Hey, kids nowadays, right? I personally blame it on the MTV they’re always watching. That and videogames. Er, anything else I can blame this “kids are bad” stuff on? I kinda lose track. All the ADD from watching MTV, you know. Wait, where was I? Oh right, bus brawl. Dude, check it out, chicks fighting on a bus!
Child Beater 2 — Fighting is Still Bad!
Rocky, the hero of the first Child Beater — okay, okay, so calling him “hero” is a bit much, but he was the star — returns to take on the two kids that beat his sorry ass last time around. This time, though, Rocky has a secret weapon — he’s brought his 2X4 with him, and he’s ready to get some sweet vengeance via Walking Tall. If you thought watching a grown man kick and flip kids around was fun, watch him go at them with a 2X2. Okay, okay, so it’s not really a 2X4, it’s more like one of those snow, children’s toys that breaks apart when you hit someone with it. Anyways, it’s still funny as hell. I’d love to get a DVD of this if I could, I’m laughing my ass off here.
Child Beater — Fighting is Bad!
Man, this is just so wrong. Seriously, if there was a meter for righteousness and wrongness, this would be right up there with Totally Frakkin Wrong. I mean, holy crap. It’s some video of a guy name Rocky who goes around challenging and fighting, well, kids, thus earning him the moniker, “Child Beater”. It’s all a goof, of course, but the way Rocky is throwing those kids around — holy crap, that is just so wrong, man. Funny as hell, but oh so wrong. So am I bad guy for laughing at this? I mean, it’s so blasted funny! But, again, it’s just so wrong, man, so wrong on so many levels…
Randy Johnson Kills a Bird with a Fast Ball
Major League Baseball picture Randy Johnson is a baaaaaaaaaad man. He’s a towering inferno (hey, they don’t call the guy “The Big Unit” because he drives a big car, you know), and he pitches 100 miles per hour on a bad day. And to complete that great resume? The guy can nail a bird at 95 miles per hour. No, really. Here’s that infamous video of Randy Johnson on the mound, pitching, when a poor bird flies right across the plate and — BOOM!!! White bird feathers everywhere as Johnson’s fastball nails the sucker and literally EXPLODES the animal. It’s either the greatest baseball pitch in history, or the most sad, depending on how you feel about, well, taking out birds with a baseball. You decide.
Robot Chicken Does 300 aka 1776
Everybody and their momma has done a parody of the “300″ movie trailer once or twice or 100 times or so, so it’s no surprise that the guys over at Cartoon Network’s Robot Chicken finally got around to it. But of course, this being Robot Chicken, their parody is a lot funnier than pretty much everyone else’s in my opinion. If you’ve never seen Robot Chicken, it’s a bunch of sketches using puppets and action figures, and about 99% of the voice work is done by Seth Green, that guy from the Austin Powers movies. Green was also a star on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and plays Chris on Family Guy. He’s one funny dude, and Robot Chicken is killer comedy. Here’s their parody of 300 — 1776! I only have one thing to say: “This … is … AMERICA!”
Random Foreign Babe of the Day: Nightwish’s Anette Olzon
Our Random Foreign Babe of the Day is one Anette Olzon, who sounds and looks a lot like Evanescence’s Amy Lee, but is Swedish and part of the band Nightwish. According to the net, the band’s genre is called “symphonic power metal”, which basically means it’s loud instrumentals fronted by Anette Olzon’s sweet, sweet ass voice. Check out some pictures of Nightwish’s lead singer and a music video for the band’s song Nemo. I think you’ll agree that looking great and sounding great is basically the bonanza, and the two things are not necessarily a mutually synonymous in the world of music.
Must-See TV: NBC’s Bionic Woman
I am really digging NBC’s remake of The Bionic Woman. Or, actually, just Bionic Woman, minus the “The” part. I don’t know why, that’s just what the show goes by. Lame, I know, but what’s not lame is the show itself. Michelle Ryan stars as a bartender with no career path who gets side-swipe one day by a woman who just happens to be the former Bionic Woman. Ryan ends up being the next incarnation of the Bionic Woman, and gets to do cool things like beat the crap out of people. The pilot’s best scene features a dual between the former and present bionic woman in the rain. It’s cool stuff. The show is just as cool, and Michelle Ryan, though she didn’t really grow on me in the beginning, is starting to. Of course the fact that she’s hot doesn’t hurt. Great show. I would recommend you give it a shot if you haven’t yet. It could very well be the next Alias.
Quite Possibly the Unfunniest Trailer for a Comedy I Have Ever Seen
Holy Mother of God. How unfunny is this trailer for the new sports-themed parody comedy “The Comebacks”? I swear to God, shouldn’t trailers for comedies be filled to the brim with all of the movie’s best jokes? So putting that theory into practice, does this then mean that the makers of “The Comebacks” have squeezed the funniest jokes their movie could muster into their trailer? And if that’s the case, does the fact that there is absolutely nothing funny about the trailer make “The Comebacks” then, well, a comedy without any comedy? Jesus H. Christ. How could you go so wrong parodying sports movie cliches? South Park has done a million times better than this in a 20-minute episode!
Brit Babe Invasion: Casey Batchelor
Our Brit Babe Invasion for the day is Casey Batchelor, a model from the UK, who I know nothing about, except that she’s very pretty, she has ginorous boobs, and she’s, well, isn’t that all that’s necessary to know? Boobs + looks = fame in the UK. I’m not knocking the UK, of course, since boobs and a nice face will do it just about anywhere and everywhere. Here are some pictures of model Casey Batchelor, including a great music video that stars her and her, um, vast talents. Yes, both of her vast talents, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. The video is for a song called Hear Fear by a ban called HENTAIGENE. They sound a lot like Linkin Park, but with more guitar riffs.
Get Some KT Tunstall
It’s not everyday I hear a song on the radio and then run to the net to Google the singer. Well I did hear a song that was so good I had to find out who the singer was. Her name is KT Tunstall, a Scottish singler/songwriter and, yes, she actually knows how to play instruments. I know, what a novelty, right? The girl can do it all, and she’s got a pretty incredible voice to boot. In 2007, the Grammys nominated her for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for her song “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, but she lost to that howling coyote Christina Aguilera, who hasn’t sang a decent song since she convinced herself people wants to hear her screech like a rabid dog in every single song. Another good thing about Tunstall? She’s really outspoken and has a tendency to piss people off! Check out pictures and a video of Tunstall.
Fernanda Lima Wants to be a Bond Girl
Brazilian model, actress, and former Brazil MTV VJ Fernanda Lima has mentioned on her blog that she recently auditioned for a role in the upcoming Bond 22 movie, most likely playing a really hot Brazilian girl who James Bond meets and a minute later is doing the horizontal mambo with. Or in this case, the vertical salsa. You know, because that’s how James Bond likes to roll. No idea if she got the role or not, but hey, the Bond producers could do worst than hire her. The girl is certainly hot enough, and if the Bond movies are known for one thing, it’s their amazing display of eye candy. Check out a video of Fernanda Lima. This girl looks smoking in her pictures, but she actually looks even better moving around in video form!
Must-See TV: NBC’s Life
“A former police officer returns to the force after having been wrongly imprisoned for years.” Trust me, the actual show is a hell of a lot better than that brief, one-line synopsis of NBC’s show Life. I don’t know how Life is doing in the ratings, but I’m telling you this — you MUST watch this show. It’s probably the best new thing on TV right now. It stars Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi as mismatched partners solving crimes in L.A. Lewis plays Charlie Crews, the cop who was wrongly convicted, and is now out and about, determined to solve his own frame-up. Only he tells people he doesn’t care to solve it, but in fact he’s obsessed with it. Basically, it’s a damn good show, and you need to start watching it on Wednesdays at 10/9c on NBC.
Bar Refaeli Makes for One Hot Draft Dodger
Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli, aka Notch #551 on Leonardo DiCaprio’s list of supermodel conquests, is a draft dodger, and she’s damn proud of it. The supermodel recently told Israel’s Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper: “I don’t regret not having been drafted into the army, because I made out big. “Why is it good to die for one’s country? Isn’t it better to live in New York?” And hey, why wouldn’t she feel that way? She’s 22, she’s dating a mega movie star, and she gets paid oodles of money for strutting around in her undies. That’s basically my dream job! Refaeli even goes on to bash Israel, referencing an incident earlier when the country’s paparazzi got into a brouhaha with DiCaprio’s bodyguards, saying: “I won’t bring anyone famous to Israel any more because there is a chutzpah here that you won’t see anywhere else.” You have GOT to be pretty hot to get away with saying those things. Luckily for her, Bar Refaeli qualifies.
Welcome Back to Houston, Steve Francis!
Man, I love Steve Francis. Not in the Brokeback Mountain sort of way, mind you, but in the, “Wow, I dig this guy’s game,” sort of way. Steve Francis started his career as a Houston Rocket before he got shipped off to Orlando, New York, and God knows how many other cities he ended up before finally returning to Houston this year. Welcome back, Stevie Franchise! We’ve missed you, bro! Now check out this monster put-back dunk by Stevie against the New Orleans Hornets. This was a pre-season game from earlier this week, and the basket didn’t count — they called a foul on Stevie. Can you believe that? No one calls a foul on the guy who pulls the put-back dunk! It’s like, an unofficial NBA rule or something. You just don’t call that foul, you zebra idiots! Great dunk anyway.
Sam Jackson Kicks Ass in Jumper Trailer
Sam Jackson kicks the ass of that punk who played young Darth Vader in “Jumper”: A genetic anomaly allows a young man to teleport himself anywhere. He discovers this gift has existed for centuries and finds himself in a war that has been raging for thousands of years between “Jumpers” and those who have sworn to kill them. From the director of The Bourne Identity and Mr. and Mrs. Smith — Jumper hits theaters February 15, 2008. Check out the trailer below. It co-stars hotties Rachel Bilson (in the trailer) and Diane Lane (not in the trailer for some reason). Should be fun stuff.
Trent Green Takes One for the Team — Again
Last week’s Houston Texans - Miami Dolphins football game was some pretty exciting stuff, not least of which because Dolphins quarterback Trent Green took one for the team — or more specifically, took a knee to the head, resulting in an injury that will, in all likelihood, put the kibosh on his NFL career for good. Making matters worst is that Green was going for a low cut block on Houston Texans player Travis Johnson, who nearly broke his neck when he went down as a result of Green’s tackle. It was an ugly scene in more ways than one, least of which because Johnson got up and started taunting Green, and then later, after the game, continued his tirade against what he perceived to be Green’s cheap shot. It’s a mess, and lost in all of it was the fact that Kris Brown of the Texans kicked a game-winning 57-yard field goal with 1 second left on the clock!