Eva Longoria is off the Market, Guys

Wait, weren’t Eva Longoria and Tony Parker supposed to have split up? Apparently not, because the two are engaged and will be getting married next year somewhere in France. Why France? Because Parker is French, and is one of the first Frenchies to ever play in the NBA. I know, right? Who knew the French could do anything besides drink wine, forget to use deodorant, and look down their nose at anyone who isn’t French. But I digress. Eva Longoria is officially off the market, guys. (At least for a year, until the inevitable divorce. I’m not trying to jinx them or anything, but come on…)

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