How could you not love Kelly Ripa? Well, you’d have to be a goddamn commie scumbag not to love Kelly Ripa, that’s how. How could you not appreciate that perky personality? That nice, long, luxurious blonde hair? Or those blue eyes? Or are those greens? Look, it’s not like I sit around staring at the woman’s eyes, so I’m not sure if they’re blue or green. But my point remains: how could you not love Kelly Ripa? You can’t, that’s how. (Unless, as previously mentioned, you’re a Democratic-hating Commie. You’re not a Democratic-hating Commie, are you, punk?)
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