The Random Stuff of Interests Page

Yeah, yeah, I know Miss South Carolina Caitlin Upton isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch, but I don’t care what anyone says, I’m still pro Caitlin Upton, if only because she’s really, really cute, and I wouldn’t kick her out of bed. Basically, yeah, that’s my only qualifications for being either pro or against someone. So I’m superficial. What of it? Anyways, I think people should give her a break. Sure, she got that infamous question really, really, REALLY wrong, but the girl is only human, and didn’t someone really smart say to err is to be human? And again, she’s really hot.

This is great. It’s a video preview of the upcoming Simpsons videogame by EA that will be released November 1st for the Playstation2, Playstation3, XBOX 360, Wii, NDS and PSP. Basically, if you have a game console, this thing will be playable on it. (I’m be waiting for the PC myself.) The previews are a riot. The first clip parodies the commercials for the Grand Theft Auto games (or Grand Theft Scratchy), with Itchy and Scratchy running around shooting at people, and the second is a parody of the Medal of Honor games (or Medal of Homer). And of course, Homer makes fun of the French. The preview is hilarious and is even better if you’ve played and loved both GTA and MOH, which I do. In fact, I just blazed through Medal of Honor: Airborne a few days ago, but that’s another story…

What kind of bad parent do you have to be to agree to hand your kids over to a TV network so they can be tossed into an old ghost town to fend for themselves? Well that’s the premise of CBS’ controversial and Godawful Kid Nation, a show where 40 children, with the oldest being 15 (and the youngest barely are sent to a dead Western ghost town that has failed so they can rebuild it. The object, it appears, is to see if they can survive and fend for themselves, or maybe show up the adults because, let’s face it, kids nowadays thinks they can do anything and know everything, so why not toss them into an old ghost town and tell them to make it work? Is this show the worst thing on TV? Maybe. Are the parents who gave their kids to this show the worst parents EVER? Absolutely-frakkin’-lutely.

The only thing stopping Dannii Minogue from gaining just the same height of fame as sister Kylie? Well, I don’t know. They basically look so alike they could practically be twins. Which is a really sexy if you think about it, especially when Dannii Minogue is decked out in a black two-piece bikini like she is in these pictures. So imagine, going to Australia, meeting one sister, and then another shows up, and they look alike, and they’re both hot, which makes them triple hot if my math is correct, and I’m sure it is. (I got a C in it and stuff. That’s like, almost an A. Or stuff.) But in any case, I don’t know if sister Dannii will ever gain the same level of fame as sister Kylie, but in my book, and more importantly my fantasies, they’re numbers #1 and #1A.

The thing about Jessica Simpson? I don’t know if she’s so smart that she’s willing to play on her “dumb blonde” persona to make some cash in the movies and in commercials, or if she’s so stupid that she doesn’t know she’s parodying her own “dumb blonde” image. Then again, considering that she makes more money in a week than I do a decade, I’m gonna have to lean toward the former. In Major Movie Star, Jessica Simpson plays a has-been actress who gets humiliated, ends up in a car accident, and then wanders into an Army recruiting office and joins the Army. If I had to predict that happens next, she’ll end up learning the value of herself and become a good person and all that good, Disney-esque crap. Here’s Jessica Simpson on the set of her movie looking drunk, sloshed, and down-and-out. But strangely, still hot?

I’ve been confessing it since the beginning and I’ll confess it again now — I still don’t get the vast popularity of Eva Mendes. Sure, she’s an attractive girl, and according to this picture, she’s got some rockin’ cleavage going on, but can anyone honestly tell me Eva Mendes is a good actress? Then again, this is Hollywood we’re talking about, so being “good” is highly subjective. Carmen Electra, for example, isn’t good at anything except being Carmen Electra, and she’s still working. And don’t even get me started on the delicous Jessica Alba. But in any case, here’s Eva Mendes adding to our ever expanding entry of celebrity cleavage. Mama mia I want to get lost in those fluffy pillows…

So who is Wanda Nara, our Latin Flavor for the day? I’m not sure, but it sure looks like she’s liking that microphone! Hey, maybe it’s not so strange. Once I developed a very unhealthy fixation with a pencil, and started chewing and chewing and chewing until there was nothing left but a stump. It was kind of disturbing, actually, but I guess that’s what Wanda Nara must be feeling toward this microphone she’s introducing to her mouth and lips and tongue and — oh my. Anyways, I don’t know the first thing about Wanda Nara, but she sure looks good, and basically that’s enough for us. Enjoy.

Let’s face it, guys, there isn’t a woman out there who can be called more perfect than Marisa Miller. The woman is so perfect she went from modeling failed magazines to doing supermodel runway work to wowing in the pages of Sports Illustrated. But of course being perfect means it sucks when she puts on too much clothes because we’ve already seen just how good she looks without them. And when it comes to Marisa Miller, “too much” is basically anything thicker than a two-piece bikini. So here’s Marisa Miller somewhere doing something looking good even with way too much clothes on. But you know what? She still looks damn good anyway, which says a lot about her.

Despite being in a major Hollywood movie like Ocean’s 13, Noureen DeWulf hasn’t really taken off in mainstream America. Hopefully that’ll change when her slew of movies come out in 2007. I mean, damn, the woman has more movies coming out than Angelina Jolie. Okay, maybe not. Angelina does like 50 movies a month, so I don’t think anyone can beat that girl. Here’s a little bit more about Noureen DeWulf from her IMDB page: Attended Boston University’s School of the Arts and was ranked #100 on Maxim’s Hot 100 list. Well, hey, 100 ain’t so bad. We would personally have given her 50. Maybe next year…

If you’re like me (that is, always on the lookout for hot chicks), then I think you’ll agree that you can never enough of Carla Gugino. And Carla Gugino in a red dress? That’s like dying and going to Heaven, then finding out that Heaven is actually Carla Gugino’s bedroom. Here’s Carla somewhere doing something recently looking smoking as usual. I’m telling you, why this woman isn’t a bigger movie star is a mystery to me. But maybe her stint as a ball-busting agent in Entourage will change all that. One can only hope, because I’d sure like to see more of Carla on the big screen doing the sexy thing.

I guess when my fifth grade teacher told me that I couldn’t expect to make a good living by acting like a jackass, she was wrong, because the guy that plays Borat does exactly just that, and he doesn’t just make a good living, he’s going home to the ridiculously smoking hot Isla Fisher! Damn Mrs. Jefferson. I knew she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about, and should have stuck to teaching math while I stuck to acting like a jackass. Who knows what could have happened? I could have parlayed my fifth grade jackass tricks into a Borat-like success. Or at least, get me some model/actress tail.

Why can’t people leave poor Vanessa Anne Hudgens alone? It was bad enough that those private nude photos of hers got splashed all over the world, including every magazine, newspaper, Internet site, and “respectable” TV news channel in the world, but now she’s being sued! The lawsuit comes courtesy of Brian L. Schall, who claims Hudgens owes him a cool $150,000 for “breach of contract and unjust enrichment by the 18-year-old Hudgens.” I don’t know what the hell “unjust enrichment” means, but since he’s a lawyer, I’m sure it means something not so good. In any case, Hudgens is keeping mum about the lawsuit, but Schall better watch out. You don’t want to sue Disney, and you certainly don’t want to sue one of their biggest stars.

Wasn’t it only just yesterday that lovely young Anna Paquin won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for The Piano? Remember when she bounced up onto the stage and gave that cutesy thank you? Well forget about all that stuff, because Anna Paquin is all grown up, and she’s become an incredibly lovely young woman. Here’s Anna in a fantastic white gown at an Emmys Party held by cable channel HBO. Tell me she doesn’t look like a million bucks? Forget about it. I’m going with a billion bucks. Not every child actor grows up hot, but Anna Paquin has grown up both hot and classy if these pictures are any indication. And she’s only 25, boys, there are plenty of more to come from Anna…

Without a doubt, if you ever catch yourself watching The View, you might stay for a minute or two just because Elisabeth Hasselbeck is sitting at that roundtable. Otherwise, there really isn’t a reason to stay tune to watch a bunch of women fight for talking time. Who else is there to even bother staying for? And I’m not even talking about their politics, or Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s status as the show’s Token Republican. I’m talking about the fact that everyone on that show is butt fugly (and they just got fuglier with the addition of Whoopi Goldberg) except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who is, bar none, the show’s only saving grace, and the only “view” worth viewing.

So what exactly do I know about Joyce Van Nimmen that I can justify putting her in the Random Foreign Babe of the Day column? I’ll tell you what, boys, the things I know about Joyce Van Nimmen, I could fill a whole book. If by “book” you mean one of those pamphlets someone stuffs into your car’s windshield when you park it and run into the store for a can of coke, come out and see it, and you go, “Dude, someone shove a frakkin’ pamphlet into my windshield! Now that just sucks!” That kind of pamphlet. Which is to say, I don’t know anything about Joyce Van Nimmen, except that she may or may not be Belgium, because at one point she showed up in the Belgium version of Maxim Magazine. Aside from that? The girl is smoking hot, and let’s just go with that.

What’s the best indication of a mixed martial artist’s hotness? For one, if you don’t mind if she kicks your ass, just as long as you get to touch hers every now and then, than yeah, I’m gonna say that she’s a pretty hot girl. And Kyra Gracie, yet another in the long line of Gracies, aka the First Family of MMA, definitely fits that mode. The girl’s hot a rock hard body and, from the videos that I’ve seen, the skills to show off. Personally I’d have liked a better selection of pictures, but as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers. And anyways, what’s hotter than a hot girl in a, “I can sooo kick your ass” pose? You gotta love those Gracies.

In case you’ve been living under Rosie O’Donnell for the last year and change and haven’t had access to a TV set, Patricia Heaton is making her return to TV with a new show called Back to You. It co-stars that guy from Frasier and Cheers, and is set in a TV station. So you know what that means — it’s time to be seen. Now granted, Patricia Heaton being the big TV star that she is, she probably would have shown up at the Emmys anyway, but when you have a show to promote, it helps to be seen as much as possible to get people used to you coming back on TV. From what I hear, Back to You looks to be the funniest show of the new season. Let’s hope it lasts, because TV without a daily dose of Patricia Heaton just ain’t TV.

This is a daily column that I plan to add to every time I see something on TV that fits. To start things off, let’s talk about how to get hot chicks to have hot sex with you. How, you ask, will I achieve such a fantastic thing, and how many limbs will it cost me? Easy, chumps, and it won’t cost you a thing. Or at least, none of your limbs. All you need is the right pants. Or shirt. Or underarm deodorant. Or in some cases, the right gum brand will do just fine. You needn’t even bother looking for the hot chick. Just slap on that right pants, or shirt, or deodorant, or pop in that gum, and the hot girl with supermodel good looks and perfect body will just show up out of the blue and jump you. Seriously, if TV commercials have taught me anything, anyone can get laid as long as they buy the right products.

It would appear that the NBC Network has won the Lauren Graham lottery, inking the former Gilmore Girls star to a development deal with the network for a cool 7-figure deal, which Variety says is one of the richest of the year. (Can you say, CHA-CHING?) Now the trick will be to get Lauren Graham with some writers and producers and hatch a show that will be just as big a hit as Gilmore Girls, which, I hate to say it, the odds are against. Let’s face it, you can count only one person out of the Seinfeld cast that managed a hit show post-Seinfeld, and it ain’t Kramer. I wish Lauren Graham luck; she seems like a genuinely great person, and it would be nice to see her on TV again, preferably on something not so, well, chick-heavy.

Speaking of hot British girls showing up on Strictly Come Dancing, one of them is Alesha Dixon, who I have finally found out about. She’s a former member of the Brit Girl Band Mis-Teeq, and is known primarily by her first name, Alesha. You know, sort of like Madonna, except Alesha is actually British and not a pretentious hag with delusions of being British. So tune into Strictly Come Dancing if you can, because besides Kelly Brook, you now have a second hottie to ogle, and her name is Alesha Dixon. Now if they’ll only add Elizabeth Hurley to the mix…