If you’re like me — and if you are, congrats for being just as awesome! — you wonder how they’re getting all these Brazilian girls like Lisalla Montenegro to show up for photoshoots in their bra and panties. Mind you, I’m not complaining or anything, but I’m just saying, whenever I try to get a hot girl at the mall to come to my basement for a lingerie or bikini photoshoot, she either calls the cops, runs away, screams for her boyfriend, or sprays me with pepper spray. I mean, come on, pepper spray? Who uses pepper sprays in this day and age? It’s just rude. Anyways, one person who doesn’t mind showing up at photoshoots in lingerie? Lisalla Montenegro. Please to enjoy.

Oh let’s face it: who hasn’t watched one of those sappy daytime soaps, saw an exceptionally hot actress, and thought, “I bet she’d make a great porn star.” Okay, so maybe you never thought that, but you might after you hear this story: Kelli McCarty, a former soap actress on the TV show Passions, and before that a former Miss USA, has decided that she wants to combine her two favorite hobbies — acting and sex — by becoming a porn star. Putting that theory to work, McCarty is starring in a new porn movie coming called “Faithless”, in which she’ll play a housewife whose husband cheats on her, forcing her to seduce her stepdaughter’s boyfriend cause what else is she supposed to do? Yeah, that’s the ticket. “Faithless” is being put out by Vivid and lands on DVD February 4, but until then, some Kelli McCarty to get you all warmed up for that undercover visit to the local “newsstand”. Or you can do what we all do and order through the Internet. Whatever.

I don’t know who is running the show over there at American Idol this year, but they sure are doing a lot of things right. First, adding the really hot fourth judge certainly helps. How many times can you look at Simon Cowell’s man nipples, Paula Abdul’s utterly insane eyes, and Randy Jackson’s stupid stupidity before you get fed up? In Season 8, the producers have spiced up the show with a new, hot judge and they’re showing off a ton of really easy-on-the-eyes contestants, including the aforementioned former bikini model turned singer Casey Carlson, and of course, Katrina Darrell. Who is Katrina Darrell? She’s the girl who went to the audition in a two-piece bikini. Yeah, it takes a lot of gumption to do that, kids. Gumption and a hot body, of course. Looking forward to more of that bikini — er, I mean, her singing voice!

Jillian Beyor is most famous for being involved with some magazine where boys play or something, I’m not really sure, but what is notable about Jillian Beyor is that she was one of the contestants on the “reality” (cough*cough*) TV show Beauty and the Geek, where beauties (i.e. Jillian Beyor) are paired off with some geeks (i.e. virgin nerds) to compete for prizes, or something like that. Okay, so I’ve only actually seen one episode of Beauty and the Geek, and that’s because I ran across it by accident, and thought the girls on the show were kinda hot. Jillian Beyor is one of those girls in the 2008 season. As you can tell, she definitely fits the “beauty” criteria.

Stunning news from the world of science today, as some Belgium scientists have claimed that they have found actual body fat on Marisa Miller’s gorgeous, perfect body. Of course being that these are Belgium scientists, from you know, Belgium we’re talking about, I can’t say as if I’m completely buying it. In any case, until they show me the evidence, I’m going to have to go with my eyeball and say that there isn’t an inch of fat on Marisa Miller’s body. As in, at all, and I’ve looked at her body up and down and over and over again. Hey, it’s for science, and you know I’ll do anything for science. Now if only Marisa Miller will show up in my basement so I can get a close-up look and prove those stinking Belgiums wrong once and for all…

What sucks worst than Mondays? Not a whole lot in this world, I’ll tell you that. Oh sure, there’s world poverty, which ain’t so great. Then there’s global warming, if it’s real, ain’t so hot, either. (Get it? Global warming? Hot? God, this is great stuff, people.) And worst of all, cat on cat violence is no laughing matter. Do you know how many cats have been hurt by COC, as I like to call it, in the last week alone? Too much, alas, alas. But you know what will get you through Mondays? A hot girl in a bikini. That’s where Sports Illustrated babe Megan McKenzie comes in. Please to enjoy your grimey Monday.

According to the kids nowadays, a woman like Madalina Diana Ghenea would be considered hooooooooot. So hot, in fact, that just calling her “hot” would not do her justice. You have to add in the extra “o’s” in the word “hot” just to make sure you get close to the level of hotness that Madalina Diana Ghenea generates. Hey, it’s not something that I made up, okay? It’s just how things are, and you can take it or leave it. Having said that, here are some very hoooooooooot photos of our Lingerie Model of the Day, one Madalina Diana Ghenea. Normally I hate people who uses all three of their names as their official name in public, but in Madalina Diana Ghenea’s case, I’m gonna make an exception. Cause, you know, of the hotness factor and junk.

According to my History professor, who has visited the Ukraine a half dozen times before, the country is full of rainbows and white bunnies that will invade your house if you leave your window open at nights and steal your pies. Also, hot women like our Random Foreign Babe of the Day Dasha Astafieva are aplenty. Then again, my History Professor was soon arrested for impersonating a History Professor, so I don’t know what to believe anymore. Still, maybe he was right, because you know those bunnies, especially the white ones… Anyhoo. Here are some pictures of Dasha Astafieva, a member of the Ukrainian pop group NikitA, which is bar none the best Ukrainian pop group I’ve ever heard, which is astounding since Ukrainian music usually makes my ears bleed.

If you don’t know who Melissa Schuman is, then, well, join the company. As far as I can tell, Melissa Schuman is a singer and actress, and was a member of the all-girl band Dream. Yes, Dream. You know, that all-girl band you never heard of? Yeah, that one. But what’s most important about Melissa Schuman isn’t who she is or where she comes from, but that she looks like a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jennifer Love Hewitt. The face is mostly SMG, but the body — oh my, the body is almost all JHL. Her last movie was 2005’s “The Retreat”, but she hasn’t done anything since. We don’t know why, because she’s quite easy on the eyes. And really, isn’t that what’s important?

Wikipedia has a cute write-up on Sarita Stella, but my favorite line is this: “She has appeared on The Price is Right as a model who uses her physical assets to display prizes and products available on the show, usually wearing only a bikini.” What they’re trying to say is, in Wikipedia’s usual style, is that Australian Goddess Sarita Stella has big boobies and a gorgeous smile, thus, she’s able to get men who normally wouldn’t watch a TV show where old ladies guess the price of washer and dryers to watch the show. You know, what Wikipedia said. Anyhoo. Sarita Stella is your weekend send-off. Do try not to run over some poor skunk while you’re out on the road getting all boozed up, you knuckleheads. And if you do, at least eat it. It’s the humane thing to do.

If you were watching American Idol last night, you might have noticed an incredibly cute girl with a great voice named Casey Carlson. Okay, maybe you noticed, but your eyes didn’t bug out by how hot she was. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault, your eyes are just fine. The problem is that Casey Carlson was wearing way too much clothing during the audition. But apparently it wasn’t always that way, because Casey Carlson used to be a bikini model, and once upon a time she modeled for the site Campus Girls USA in a swimsuit and bikini, and yes, I think you can guess which pictures we’re going to be going for, the swimsuit or the bikini? Um, let’s see. Yeah, let’s go with the bikini pics. Oh my! Check out more of Casey in her half-naked best over at Campus Girls USA.

Our Brit Babe of the Day Amy Nuttall is most famous for starring in the British soap Emmerdale, aka Emmerdale Farm, a fictional town where strange things such as UFO abductions, late-night invasions by Bigfoot monsters, and wizards and goblins are the order of the day. Or maybe not. Look, it’s not like I actually watch these things, you know, I’m just going with what Wikipedia tells me, and Wiki has never lied to me before. Well except for that time where it convinced me to hit that guy over the head with a bar stool and steal his wallet, but I’m sure the guy had it coming. He had a tattoo on the back of his neck and everything. You know that’s asking for trouble. Anyhoo, here’s Amy Nuttall, bikini pictures included.

If you thought Melissa Theuriau was the only legitimate French hottie hosting a TV show over there in Francais, than you’d be wrong. And of course by “legitimate” I mean she doesn’t take her clothes during the newcast. Ahem. Mind you, not that there would be anything wrong with that, but I’m just saying. So, her name is Alessandra Sublet, and she’s in this month’s issue of France FHM. There’s nothing too racy in the issue, so if you’re a fan, don’t get your hopes up too high. But she still looks pretty good, and we like to think that this is the first of many spreads by the lovely Alessandra Sublet.

According to those in the know, our Latin Flavor of the Day Marjorie Magri is an actress from parts down south, known for shows with titles like “¿Vieja yo?”, “Aunque mal paguen”, and “Con toda el alma”. Of course by “in the know” I mean someone who took a minute to register on IMDB.com and added to her entry. Despite that, we’re going to take their word for it and go from there, because to do otherwise would be way too complicated and take too much of our time, and you know how we hate to waste time. There are TV shows to watch and hot girls to ogle, after all, no time for research now, you bums! Anyways, Marjorie Magri in a bikini from Urbe Magazine. Please to enjoy.

How hot is Blake Lively? So hot that when I daydream about her, I don’t chastise myself for daydreaming about someone name Blake, a name usually reserved for boys. See, that’s how comfortable I am with my manhood. I’m not even going to think twice about fantasizing about someone name Blake. (Although it sure would have been nice if her name was, say, Anita or Barbara, but I digress.) So here’s a completely gratuitous Blake Lively posting. The star of some show on the CW where teen girls do teen stuff as dreamt up by horny men in their ’30s and ’40s, the show is, like, really teeny and stuff. And Blake Lively is one of its stars. Have at it.

Dudes, chicks can’t drive. I don’t know how many times I have to say it. The idea that chicks can drive is just as ludicrous as Bigfoot being real or Michael Jackson once being a black guy. It just ain’t true, and no one can prove it! But what they can prove is that chicks can’t drive. It’s a notion we’ve always known, but now thanks to the invention of video cameras, we finally have our proof. So the next time your wife or girlfriend insists on “borrowing” your car to run to the local drug store for her lady things, think twice cause it might not come back! Or if it does come back, it’ll somehow look smaller, or a little “crumply” if you will. More proof that chicks still can’t drive.

If you don’t know who Annie Wersching is by now, then you haven’t been watching the best TV show on TV. And no, I’m not talking about CSI: Alaska, or even Law and Order: Jay Walkers. I’m talking about 24. Yeah, that show with that guy who busts terrorist heads cause that’s just how he rolls. That one. Anyways, in the latest season, they introduced a new version of Jack Bauer, a female FBI agent played by Annie Wersching. She’s a raving redhead, although I think she’s brunette on the show, but I could be wrong. How badass and Jack Bauer-like is Annie’s character? At one point, she tortures a hospitalized bad guy for information. Yes, while the dude is in a hospital bed, suffering from a gunshot wound. Now that’s my kind of gal!

Kate Hudson bikini pictures are always cause for concern. New Kate Hudson bikini pictures make me want to jump on my dinner table and jump for joy. Which, let me say, would be a a pretty incredible feat, especially since I don’t own a dinner table, or has ever been close to one. I take my food from a bowl on the couch, in case you were wondering. That’s just how we roll in the Random Page Household, bitches. But where was I? Oh right, some new Kate Hudson bikini pictures for you boyos. These aren’t nearly the gangbuster hotness of the previous ones from last year, but you know, Kate Hudson is a mother a couple of times over, and that’s still a pretty rocking body, kids.

It’s not easy being a flavorful Latina, especially for seven days a week. Just ask my friend Lou, who lives in the alleyway between the liquor store and the laundrymat, because, as Lou tells me, it’s much cheaper than some stinking hotel. Methinks Lou is a bit of a homeless bum, but he insists he’s “between homes”, and who am I to argue? Anyway, according to Lou the homeless bum, girls like Soledad Guardiola have to go through a lot of work every day to look this good. I wouldn’t know anything about that, being a heterosexual male with manly ambitions and wants, and manly stuff like that. But I sure can appreciate that girls like our Latin Flavor of the Day Soledad Guardiola has to go through to look this good day in and day out. I should know, being an insanely handsome human being myself. But enough about me. Get some Soledad Guardiola.

Oh, lingerie models, what would we ever do without you? Well okay, we’d probably find a way to get on with our lives, like picking up a hobby, or leaving a stinky bag in front of our neighbors porch and then ringing the doorbell and running away. You know, fun stuff like that. But it sure is nice not to have to do any of those things to pass the time, thanks to lovely ladies like our Lingerie Model of the Day, Caitlin Manley. I’m sure our neighbors appreciate it too, but we won’t tell them, because let’s face it, telling them just makes them think we’re their friends, and no one wants that. Especially us. Neighbors are such freaks, am I right?