Kim Kardashian Bikini Pics Show off the Assets
You know, I don’t know what it is about Kim Kardashian, but she doesn’t grate on me nearly as much as her fellow rich girl turned pseudo famous rich girl Paris Hilton. Sure, they’re both nearly identical in the way they got their fame, which is to say, becoming famous for being famous (and something about a certain type of tape), but I dunno, I guess Kim Kardashian’s big ass, voluptuous curves, and adorable rack just puts her up above the city named after the city of lights. Hey, you can disagree with me if you want, but just take a look at these bikini beach pictures first, and then we’ll talk. Please to enjoy the big ass and generous rack. In a bikini. Ees nice!
Victoria’s Secret Angels at the Beach. In Bikinis. Thank You, God.
So in case you missed it (what are you, stupid?), the Victoria’s Secret fashion show brought its whiz-bang over to Miami Beach for one of those exclusive fashion shows where hot girls dress up in lingerie and pretend they want to do you. All of you. Even Slow Johnny, who can barely answer the phone without vomiting. Anyhoo. So, while in Miami Beach, the Victoria’s Secret angels decided to go out for a walk on the beach. In matching white two-piece bikinis. Okay, so it was more like another crass commercial photoshoot, but am I complaining? Hell no! There were way too many angels there to get them all, but all the major ones were there, including Miranda Kerr, Marisa Miller, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel. So what do you do when you have these many hot girls in bikinis at the same place? Well, trying to get them all into your eyeball would just damage your eyeballs beyond reason, so let’s play “Find the Victoria’s Secret Angel with the tramp stamp!” One of them has it. Can you name her? I bet you can’t!
Your Weekend Sendoff: Oksana Andersson
Sorry, kids, I don’t have a whole lot for ya on this nice, very nice Friday afternoon. In fact, as soon as I press “Publish” on this bad boy, I’m out the door, never to see this fancy thing you kids call a computer ever again. At least, until Monday. Because Monday means a full day’s worth of posting. Fridays, on the other hand, will mean one post and I’m gone. So, as your weekend sendoff, and to hold you over until Monday, here’s a little sumthin’ sumthin’ from Russian model and sometime actress Oksana Andersson. A little FYI about Oksana: She’s Russian, but moved to Sweden when she was a little lass, where she grew up. So I guess you could call her a Russian-Swede. Hey, I knew a Russian-Swede once. He still owes me $5 bucks for a hotdog at the ball park. True story.
Great Moments in Geek: Office Space Caper and Printer Sequence
If you’ve ever worked in an office at least a day in your life, then you pretty much look at Mike Judge’s 1999 office-themed comedy “Office Space” as THE movie to end all movies when it comes to working in an office setting. It’s not just a brilliant movie because it’s funny, but because it’s true. Of course, I never pulled a caper ala something from a “Superman” movie, but then again, there has been many a times when I’ve wanted to put a hole or two into a company property like that fax machine that never seems to work, the copying machine that always seems to jam when I need it most, or that damn computer that refuses to boot before I grow old and die. Here’s the two best moments from Judge’s “Office Space”, in which three office geeks pull off the perfect caper, and then later, destroys a printer in a field. When David Herman’s character goes after the printer with his bare fists? Priceless.
Latin Flavor: Karla Alvarez
See, if you would just leave your house every once in a while, you would know who our Latin Flavor of the Day Karla Alvarez is without me having to tell you. Everyone who knows anything knows that Karla Alvarez is a Mexican actress from Mexico City, famous for roles on such classic TV as # “Tontas no van al cielo, Las”, “Heridas de amor”, “Inocente de ti”, and of course, my personal favorite, “¡Vivan los niños!”, which I think in English translates to, “That kid needs a whuppin! Take the belt to his behind!” Or I could be wrong, since I’m pretty much a shut-in and have no relationship with the outside world. Can you blame me? The world beyond my falls is so loud and scary. And besides, I have all the panda porn I need in my room. Safety first!
Jennifer Aniston Brings Back the Sexy
Remember when Jennifer Aniston was totally wet dreamable? Back during her Friends days, when she had that hair and her character Rachel sometimes showed onscreen wearing a shirt that was just a little bit too small and it was just a little bit too cold on the set that day? Yeah, those were the days. Then Jen sort of fell out of the public eye. I think she did a couple of movies that no one saw, although that comedy with that Vince guy was kinda funny, and I think it made some money. Anyways, Jennifer Aniston seems to have resurfaced from the mothership, at least long enough to appear in the latest issue of Vogue magazine. In it, she still whines about losing Brad Pitt to Angelina Jolie, but that’s only for people who care about that sort of stuff. We’re only interested in the pictures, and I can safely report back to you that, yes, Jennifer Aniston has indeed brought the sexy back. Less Pitty, more sexy, Jen. Thank you very much.
What Do you Call a Gaggle of Victoria’s Secret Models in One Location? Heaven, of Course.
When you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you basically have one job: sell, sell, sell. Sell what? Um, whatever it is they think of to sell, which could be anything from undies you can eat to machineguns. Okay, so Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell machineguns just yet, but trust me, it’s only a matter of time. (Yeah, right, like you guys wouldn’t buy an assault rifle if Miranda Kerr was holding it in an ad — while dress in her undies, of course. Two, please!) So with the holidays on the horizon, the Victoria’s Secret girls are out in force doing what they do best — selling the brand. Now normally this many hot women in one place would give me the vapors something awful, but since I’m not a Southern Belle, I’ll just have to deal with it. Present and accounted for are Heidi Klum, Karolina Kurkova, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes, Alessandra Ambrosio, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr. (I think there is one girl there who I haven’t seen before…)
Bikini-Clad Kristen Bell and Malin Akerman on the Set of Couples Retreat
Maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling that Kristen Bell is a real party girl. You know, the kind that can geek it out with you when she needs to, but when the chips are down, she’ll take it downtown and do it as nasty as possible? Then again, it could just be my overactive imagination being, well, overactive again. But I digress. Kristen Bell and Malin Akerman are currently shooting the romantic comedy “Couples Retreat” somewhere, when someone snapped these pictures of the two lovely ladies in a boat shooting a scene. Kristen Bell is the one in the hot bikini, and Malin Akerman is the one in the not-so-hot one-piece. So what is Kristen Bell doing in-between shoots? Your guess is as good as mine, but I doubt if your imagination is better, though. Oh, imagination, you rock so hard.
Is This the End for Obama Girl aka Amber Lee Ettinger?
With the election now over and Obama in the White House (or at least he soon will be), what’s there for Obamagirl aka bikini model Amber Lee Ettinger to do? Well, she’ll probably continue to dine out on the whole Obamagirl gig, but let’s face it, sooner or later that curvy body is gonna have to pay for itself minus the Obama tag. And of course, being that Amber Lee Ettinger is what you would call too hot for clothes, she should easily find work post-Obama, or at least, find a nice Hollywood sugar daddy to keep paying for the gym membership and sexy lingerie. I’m assuming that Amber Lee Ettinger spends her time in sexy lingerie, of course. I could be wrong, but you know, I’d prefer not to think about that, cause it just ain’t that sexy. Anyways, a reminder of why we all voted for Obama. Because Amber told us so. What, was it just me?
Jules Asner Hotness Revealed
Hey, remember Jules Asner? Well I can’t really blame you if you don’t remember her, because it seems like it’s been ages since we saw Jules Asner on TV. She used to be a correspondent for the E! Channel. You know, that sucky entertainment channel that sucks up to celebrities? Yeah, that one. She was pretty much one of the best things about that show. Why? One reason: Jules Asner was friggin’ hot. How hot? Awesome hot. That’s how hot Jules Asner was on the show. Not a surprise, since Asner was a former model turned reporter. Well, as much of a reporter you can be when you’re on the E! Channel, I mean, which is to say, not all that much. Anyways, it seems like Jules Asner has completely disappeared from the public eye since, oh, 2004 after her TV show Jules Asner Revealed. Gone, but not forgotten. We’d like to remind you why we watched the E! Channel back in the day. It’s all Jules Asner’s fault.
Kellie Pickler Rocks the CMA in Tight Black Leather
Okay, so I don’t know if Kellie Pickler is “rocking” the 2008 CMA, but she’s definitely rocking something later tonight when I go to sleep, if you know what I mean. Of course, I give full credit to the tight black leather number (plus hot boots!) she’s wearing during her performance. Now I don’t know what they do at these country music movie awards shows, but I’m assuming the girls look smoking hot and the guys wear big belt buckles and cowboy hats and use the words “y’all” a lot. Of course I could be wrong, but then again, I don’t own a pair of boots or know how to approach a horse without it kicking me in the balls, so what do I know. Anyways, Kellie Pickler in black leather at the CMA. Yee haw!
Sports Babe of the Day: Sarah Burke
Maybe I’m still on an Summer Olympics kick, but I’m still feeling the hot athletes out there, and I get this bad feeling I don’t know nearly enough of them. So, with that in mind, I went back in time a little bit (yes, I have a time machine, it runs on cheeseburgers, what of it?) to the Winter Olympics, and found Sarah Burke, a free skier from Canada who showed off her, er, assets in FHM way back in 2006. Now I don’t know if that awesome rack of Sarah Burke’s helps or hinders her when she’s doing her skiing thing, but you know where it doesn’t hurt? In my fantasies. It doesn’t hurt there at bit. In fact, it helps. A lot. Check out Sarah Burke, our Sports Babe of the Day.
Veterans Day Special: 5 Hot Chicks in Fatigues
Who doesn’t appreciate the might of America’s awesome military? Well okay, if you’re one of those people who we happen to bomb on a regular basis, then you might not share this opinion, but then again, I’m sure you had it coming. Anyways, it’s Veterans Day, when we celebrate our men and women in the military, past and present, which means it’s time to use this opportunity to do a Veterans Day Special: 5 Hot Chicks in Fatigues, in which we list and show pictures of five ridiculously hot women in ridiculously hot military fatigues. Hey, that’s just how we roll around these here parts. You got a problem with it, you take it up with the naked cowboy in Times Square. And yes, that last statement does too make sense, you’re just too dumb to get it. Anyhoo, let’s get on to the girls and their fatigues, shall we?
More Proof Chicks Can’t Drive
You know that old chauvinist saying that girls can’t drive? Well sure, it’s very macho and demeaning to woman, but you know what else about it? It happens to be true! (Or at least, that’s what I tell my buddies when I’m with them. When my girlfriend is around, I of course will demand they apologize for such a neanderthal thinking.) Of course, the truth is, chicks really can’t drive. Take a look at this surveillance video from a gas station. Pay attention to the woman who has just bought a pack of smokes at the beginning and goes out the door. She gets into her car, reverses, and before you know it — BAM! Right back into the store. P.S. I love the last guy who didn’t get out of the way. Dude, the damage is already done, stop running like a little girl!
Oh Snap It’s More of Carla Ossa!
See what I did there? because Carla Ossa’s last name is Ossa, I used the words “oh Snap” in the beginning of the post title? In the blogging trade, we call that “desperately trying to prove to the readers that you’re smarter than you actually are.” Grand success! In any case, here are some more lovely pictures from the lovely Colombian model’s catalog, because if there’s a catalog that deserves to be raided, it’s one that belongs to Carla Ossa. Yes, that’s pretty much all I know about her, but are you really going to hold me to it? So, Carla Ossa. Hot Colombian. Pretty pictures. Please to enjoy.
Leelee Sobieski and Tricia Helfer in Some Drool-Inducing Walk All Over Me Promos
So there’s this bondage heavy movie called “Walk All Over Me” starring Leelee Sobieski and Tricia Helfer that was supposed to come out last year. Or was it this year? Well, the point is, it was supposed to come out a while ago, but it hasn’t been able to make it to the theaters yet. At this point, the movie will probably go straight to DVD. It’s a comedy, so don’t get your hopes up too high, boys and, well, just the boys, actually. Leelee Sobieski plays some country bumpkin who shows at Tricia Helfer’s doorsteps looking for something, and ends up getting into some role-playing escort service thingy with her. Then some gangsters show up and bad, albeit funny bad, stuff are supposed to happen. Anyways, I have no idea when the movie is coming out, but here are some great shots from the movie’s promos featuring the hot-tastic duo of Leelee Sobieski and Tricia Helfer. Can I get a tissue paper for your drool, sir?
Miranda Kerr in Ocean Drive
I know what you’re thinking: What is this, the Miranda Kerr site now? Well no, but are you seriously complaining? It’s a hot girl in various states of half-undress. What are you, stupid? Anyways, why do we post so many Miranda Kerr stuff? Besides the fact that she’s a supermodel, and being a supermodel, her entire job is to wake up and do a photoshoot for people, there are a lot of really hot pictures of her around. Besides that, supermodels don’t come around that often, and you have to get as much of them as you can before they go get knock up by some rock star and squirt out some babies and before you know it they’re in their ’40s and over the hill. Are we really that superficial like that? Why yes, we are! Hence, more of Miranda Kerr, this time in Ocean Drive mag.
Katharine McPhee is Still American Idol’s Best Assets
Remember when Katharine McPhee had a music career going? Right after American Idol, which she didn’t win, but was basically the best thing to come out of that show that particular season? Yeah, I don’t even remember what season it was Katharine McPhee was on, but you know, it was a few years ago, I think, when the white-haired guy whats-his-name won. Anyways, remember when Katharine McPhee had a music career, and wasn’t just a hot girl with long, luscious legs and a killer face that could stop traffic? Well I don’t know if the music career has been buried or what, but Katharine McPhee is now doing more magazines and movies than she’s in the music studio. Or at least, that’s what it appears like. Mind you, not that I’m particularly interested in her singing career, because for my money, I’m perfectly happy with Katharine McPhee just looking hot in magazines like this latest appearance.
Still Wild About Olivia Wilde
I can’t decide if Olivia Wilde has surpassed Jennifer Morrison when it comes to the uber babe factor on FOX’s House TV show, but I gotta say, it’s getting pretty damn close. Of course, it probably helps that the producers of House turned Olivia Wilde’s character, Number 13, into a lesbian with a death wish on the show, prone to trolling the bars late at night for hot sex with anonymous female strangers. Now compare that to Jennifer Morrison’s character, whose Doctor Cameron is, er, an ER doctor who does stuff every now and then on the show. Yeah, not much of a comparison there. I wouldn’t be surprised if Morrison is kind of pissed off at the producers for doing nothing with her character, but gave Wilde a rockin’ one. Anyways, it just reminds us how wild we are about Olivia Wilde, and we just wanted to say that. Some pics as evidence.
Keeley Hazell in Motor Storm Pacific Rift Promos
You know, I play a lot of Playstation 3 games, but somehow I’ve never heard of Motor Storm Pacific Rift. Okay, so I’ve heard of Motor Storm, and I actually own the bloody thing, but I didn’t know it had a sequel coming out soon. Well guess what? Thanks to the brilliant idea of hiring British glamour model babe Keeley Hazell to help promote their game, I’ve now become familiar with Motor Storm Pacific Rift, and while I don’t know if I’ll go out and buy it, I might think twice if I run across it at my local electronics store, or as we call it around these parts, them fancy place where they sell them fancy computers and whatnot. So in that way, the guy trying to sell Motor Storm has succeeded, and it’s all thanks to Keeley Hazell. And her rack.
